“I see you, the version of you that’s not cold twenty-four seven. I don’t just see the version of you with blood on your hands. I see the Kenric that walks a strange woman through his lab like she’s royalty.” He nudged his head in Mira’s direction. “I see the Kenric that goes off on his free time to feed street kids and make sure that junkies get clean before they get dead.” He looked away from me then continued.
“You good to me, always been good even when you didn’t have to be… Even with the distance that you force between us because you deny the trust you have in me…” His voice cracked.
“Tone—”
“I never felt loved until our pops died…then I met you, you were cold and had your ways, but you never turned your back on me. You made sure I was straight… You never talk about our dad, my mom used to be obsessed with him. She told me her greatest mistake was having me, because once she told him that she was pregnant… he cut her off?—”
“What was your mother’s name?” I asked feeling the hairs on my neck rise.
“Irine.” He offered me knowing sad eyes.
“I used to hate her, she was Pops favorite outside of my momma. I wondered why she disappeared so suddenly.” I said in total shock.
“I wanted you to kidnap her and force her to get clean once you started your operations. I barely could keep up with her, I was always left to fend for myself…so by the time you did start taking muthafuckas, she had already overdosed.” His shoulders dropped in defeat.
“My condolences, that’s something I should have known. I’ve always been closed off to asking you too many questions.” I said feeling fucked up for never really asking Tone about his mom.
I never spoke about my parents like that to Tone, we bonded through the grind of everything I had put in place and left it at that.
“It’s okay, I don’t like talking about her or everything I’ve been through like you don’t…I recently opened up to Staress about it all and it’s been therapeutic for me.” He smiled.
“I opened up to Mira last night…it felt good.” I confessed.
“If you never let yourself breathe, you’ll forget what air tastes like. Let the others move their pieces. For once, let yourself drift.Swim. Laugh. Remember why you started fighting in the first place. Sometimes what the city needs most is to see you being human… At least that’ll remind everyone, including yourself, that life ain't just about survival. Let her be your peace, even if it’s just for today.”
I hesitated to respond; the weight of Tone’s words pressed in on me. He wasn’t wrong, something inside me had shifted, subtle at first, then steady as a new current moving beneath the surface. Maybe it was Mira, maybe it was the uneasy calm after so many storms, or maybe it was just exhaustion finally cracking my armor.
I forced a weak smile, shoving my hands into my pockets. “Yeah. I’ll try,” I said, though the promise felt foreign in my mouth. Tone nodded once, the kind of gesture that said more than any speech, and turned away, giving me space.
“You ever gonna show her?” He asked, voice low, almost lost to the hush of the room. “The parts of you that’ll make her cower. The darkness you don’t let out unless you have to?” He raised his brows, waiting for my answer.
I let out a slow breath, feeling the weight of the question sink in. The answer was already there, lodged deep where the truth always lived, within me.
“Yeah,” I said, not flinching. “I’ll show her. Every scar, every shadow. I’m not gonna hide what I am, or what I’ve done. I won’t change my purpose just to make her comfortable. If she doesn’t accept me, my impulses…my mood…I’ll have to control, but I’ve considered having to let her free…I’ll be a mad man by then.” I looked Tone in the eyes.
His eyes softened, not with pity, but with a kind of respect only another survivor understands.
“That’s the only way, bro. The only way it’s ever real.”
I nodded, the moment stretching between us, heavy but honest. For the first time in a long time, I wondered if maybe…just maybe…showing someone the full weight of your truth could be its own kind of freedom.
LESSONS IN THE WATER…
From the pool,the rooftop looked like a floating world. I could stay in here forever, I loved swimming, the feeling was close to feeling free once in the water. The water was warm, my muscles were loose. For once, my mind wasn’t choking me with memories, I wasn’t overthinking my current situation being here…I actually felt good.
Kenric stood by the benches next to Tone, their voices carried a little when I wasn’t moving in the water. I noticed when their conversation shifted, I watched closely as Kenric stood still, hands buried deep in his black trunks like he was holding himself together. His head tilted slightly just once as he listened to whatever Tone was saying.
It looked like something cracked inside of Kenric. I think Tone said something that affected Kenric because I saw the way his shoulders dropped. His eyes drifted towards the roof like he too wanted a freedom that he didn’t know how to grant himself. When Tone walked away, he glanced over at me coldly and continued his stride out of the pool area. Kenric stood in the same spot, his face was tight. I was used to seeing him in a different light, like he had all the answers and had everything under control. Right now, he looked lost, and I had a strong urge to fix that.
I swam towards the edge of the pool and splashed water gently toward his direction, just enough to break him out of his thoughts.
“Hey Grand,” I called out, floating backwards with a lazy grin.
“Get in, your late for your swim lessons.” I pressed my feet against the tiles and smiled over at him.
His head jerked toward the pool, his face was unreadable at first, then I saw the slight annoyance written on his handsome sharp face. He didn’t speak, just eyed me with his usual brooding glare. I narrowed my eyes at him and pressed even further; I refused to have him ruin my mood all because of what he and Tone talked about.
“Don’t switch up now,” I rolled my eyes. “Come get in this pool and see how much you’ll enjoy yourself, Kenric.” I continued.
