Me: Hi, good morning, Merry Christmas! I leave in the morning.
I'm sure to add a few crying emojis to show I'm bummed about having to leave. Never in my life would I have expected to be sad about leaving Fisher Creek behind.
But never have I ever left Noah behind in Fisher Creek.
Chapter 21
Noah
Christmashasneverbeenmy favorite holiday, especially since Dad died. Our typical breakfast traditions fell by the wayside and the entire ordeal felt more operational than celebratory with family time. The ceremonious Christmas Eve tradition is the only tradition we’ve continued and it’s as if that’s too overwhelming to do anything else.
Mom always sleeps in after being exhausted from hosting and cleaning up from the party. She never lets us help clean, classifying it as her antisocial decompression time. Plus “we have to go to sleep if we want Santa to come,” Yes, she still uses that excuse even though we’re adults.
Mom firmly believes that the magic of Christmas never dies no matter how old we are. I lost the magic after the second Christmas when Mom couldn’t get out of bed to celebrate with us. Bec may not remember that day, but that was when my family truly started calling me the Grinch.
I can’t help but roll my eyes and chuckle to myself, knowing how true it is but also how different this morning feels. This morning, there’s a new sense of excitement, and joy getting out of bed today. I can only assume it's due to having Ollie back in my life. I throw on a pair of gray sweatpants and saunter into the kitchen to get some caffeine.
“Who are you and what have you done with the Grinch?” Mom asks, turning with a cup of steaming jo to hand to me.
I laugh, take the coffee, and move to sit at the bar table while we wait for Bec to get up. It tends to be a slow morning, and if I remember correctly, I heard Bec sneak out around 1:30 a.m, which means we won’t see her until the afternoon.
“Honestly, I'm excited to start this adventure with Ollie. It has been a long time coming… and I just hope we can get past Oklahoma,” I say, realizing that this is real life and I'm about to reclaim a friendship I never should have allowed to fail in the first place.
As reality sinks in, my excitement and joy doesn't fade. They transition into an anxious excitement, remembering back to a few days ago when I envisioned the future with Olivia. I want to be the best for her but also for her found family. I want them to all see that I'm here for Ollie and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.
I may not know Caroline, Savannah, or Mason but I know Penelope and Cole, and if they’re anything like the first two, it won’t be an easy transition back into Olivia’s life. It's worth the fight.
I need to see Olivia before she heads back to Milwaukee, we need to talk about Oklahoma and clear the air. She needs to know that I loved her then and never stopped.
Sipping my coffee in the breakfast nook, with Mom reading the newspaper in silence is my favorite way to spend the morning when I'm home. It's quiet and peaceful and Mom is too preoccupied to care that I have my phone out at the table.
Me: Merry Christmas Ollie! Let's plan something before you head back to the city!
I’ve only been home for two weeks and I have learned two really important things:
1. I'm still in love with Olivia
2. I cannot under any circumstances live in my childhood house with my mom and little sister any longer.
Staying at home was always convenient for leaves, but they never lasted longer than a week. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and would do anything for them. But I need space and quiet. I need something to do with my everyday life when I'm not on shift at the firehouse or out on a call.
I want a place to call my own so I have been looking for a fixer-upper in the area, and trust me there are plenty. In the last two weeks I’ve looked at six small single-family houses but only one felt like it has the potential to be perfect.
It sits on the back side of town closer to the farmlands, on one and a half acres, with an old wooden rail fence surrounding the property. The house itself is one story, with a two-car garage, three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The master bedroom sits in the back of the house with a large picture window overlooking the backyard. The biggest complaint is that it's very closed off. There are at least two walls I’d like to knock down. It needs some TLC throughout the inside and then there’s the fact that I haven’t told my family I'm moving yet.
Well, frankly, I haven’t told anyone I bought it yet. It’s been empty for years, so I purchased it as is. I can get my keys as early as tomorrow.
I look up at Mom reading the paper on the other side of the table in the kitchen and feel guilty for not telling her yet. I know she’ll be happy for me, concerned that I'm making a crazy choice based on everything that has happened in the last six months, but supportive nonetheless. She’s going to want to help with anything she can, painting, decorating, etc.
“I bought a house,” I blurt out. A wave of relief washes over me as I see her glance up over the top of her glasses, peering over the newspaper. Her graying hair still hangs in messy curls around her face. The expression she wears reminds me of my grandmother.
“Really? Where?” she replies with a hint of shock in her voice.
“On Tailer Road,” I reply quietly. “It’s the old Kinney property, it needs some love, but I need something to do,” I continue.
“Are you sure you’re ready to live alone? It’s only been six months since Jarred…and only three weeks since you stopped having nightmares,” she says, sounding genuinely concerned.
Fortunately for her, I have already talked to Dr. Doyle about this and we’ve concluded that it's both a positive outlet for any anger and confusion I have regarding Jarred and a way to grow into myself and immerse myself into the community. Plus, I have fulfilled the one thing Jarred asked me to do: meet with Ollie. Well, that isn’t exactly what he asked me to do, but close enough.
