‘I’m not,’ said Sofia, her voice resolute. She looked tired, but perhaps for the first time in a long while, at peace. ‘It’s ironic, isn’t it?’ she added. ‘I should know more than most that papering over cracks never works out in the long run – it only delays theinevitable – but that’s exactly what I’ve done.’ She pushed her foot into one of the piles of books, causing it to topple. ‘So no more wallpaper,’ she said. ‘I’m going to stick with what I do best, stop pretending and start being honest – with other people, but more importantly, with myself.’ She paused, giving Peg a shy smile. ‘I just wanted you to know.’
‘It’s certainly a good way to live,’ said Peg, touched by the expression on Sofia’s face. ‘And that kind of truth takes courage – not everyone can handle honesty, but those who respond to it with grace are the ones to keep close.’
Sofia dipped her head. ‘I think Adam and I have talked more in the last day than we have our entire lives. And yet if you’d have asked me a week ago, I’d have told you we talk all the time.’
‘I’m glad you’ve forgiven him,’ said Peg. ‘For not telling you about the redundancy.’
‘He wasterrified…’ answered Sofia, whispering the final word. ‘How could I be angry with someone so scared? And I never knew, that’s the worst of it. Not about the job thing, but the fact that he’s been putting on a brave face for such a long time.’
‘I don’t doubt he has,’ she replied. ‘Ordinary everyday life is scary, without all the extra things you two have had to deal with. And Henry being so poorly must have really hit home. It’s been a horrible, confusing time for you both,but, if you want them to be, those things are behind you now.’
Sofia smiled. ‘Shall we go and see what Adam and Henry are up to?’
‘I think that’s a fine idea,’ said Peg, smiling.
She stood back to let Sofia lead the way, and together they walked down the stairs, leaving the books exactly where they had fallen.
The living room was silent. Not even so much as a murmur of voices could be heard as they walked through the kitchenand into the dining room, the source of such irritation in the past. But Peg could sense immediately that the silence wasn’t awkward, or angry, and, as they reached the conservatory and the two men came into view, it was clear that they were simply sitting, drinking coffee and looking out into the garden. A slanting ray of sunlight had found a gap between the trees at the far end and was working its way up the lawn towards them.
Henry was the first to rise, getting to his feet as Sofia crossed the room to walk into his open arms. Their hug was quite possibly the nicest thing Peg had seen. She blinked rapidly, feeling a surge of happiness – happiness of the kind which often heralded tears. Itwasa beginning, not an end, of that she was certain.
‘I’ve just been telling Dad what we’ve decided to do,’ said Adam, gesturing to the spare chairs. ‘Come and sit down, lunch is ready.’
‘I hadn’t got much in,’ said Sofia. ‘So I just made a few sandwiches and opened a bag of crisps. Is that okay?’
Peg exchanged a look with Henry. ‘Absolutely perfect,’ she said, taking a seat.
Adam cleared his throat. ‘I wanted to thank you, Peg, before we eat. Not only for what you’ve done for Dad, but for us too, welcoming us into your home and looking after us so well. It must have seemed as if an unexploded bomb had landed in your life.’
Peg laughed. ‘Horribly accurate,’ she said. ‘But you’re welcome. And, thankfully, the bomb never exploded. Besides, next year will be better. The best Christmas ever.’ She rolled her eyes, catching Sofia’s look and matching her grin. ‘Although it’s New Year’s Day, so I guess it’s already this year’s Christmas.’
Henry groaned. ‘I don’t know where the time goes,’ he said. ‘But I have a feeling that a lot of things will change over the next twelve months.’
‘They better had,’ said Adam, looking at Peg. ‘Sofia and I have decided to move. A house has come up for sale only ten minutes away from where we used to live. It’s one of those lovely nineteen-thirties semi-detached places – solid, with big bay windows, open fireplaces and a huge south-facing garden. We haven’t seen it yet, and it needs a bit of work, but it’s got bags of character and…our mortgage will be less than half of what it is now. It could be just the place to get back to where we need to be. So this house is going on the market tomorrow and, well, we’ll see what happens.’
‘It’s where all our old friends live, too,’ said Sofia. ‘The ones we moved away from when we pretended we wanted more from our lives. I know we can’t expect everything to go back to being the way it was before, and that wouldn’t be the right thing to do anyway, but I hope when we explain why we did what we did, they might forgive us, in time.’
‘I’m sure they will,’ said Henry.
‘It will be good, I think, to live in a hopeful way, instead of a hopelessone, and if children come along, then…’ Sofia broke off as her eyes welled with tears. ‘Then I will be happier than ever…but if they don’t then, in the meantime, I can give my friends a hand with theirs, whenever they need a break. The grass is always greener, isn’t it? I bet they’ll look at us – people who sleep for eight hours a night and aren’t covered in baby sick– and think we’ve got it made.’
‘They’ll bite your hand off,’ said Peg, smiling. ‘And what about your job, Adam?’
‘I’m still going to teach,’ he said. ‘Teach, but that’s all. No management roles, nothing which will take me outside of the classroom. I’m going to do what I love, part-time too, if we can afford it. Maybe four days a week, leaving me with a day free either to write or…maybe take some qualifications in creativewriting. That might sound naive, and I’ve got to get another job first, but…’
Henry leaned forward and patted his son’s knee. ‘Nothing naive about it. And I can’t tell you how pleased that makes me.’
‘It’s bonkers,’ Adam replied. ‘We grew our life around us like a protective shell, thinking that it would keep us from hurting. But we never realised how hard and unyielding it was. How much it separated us from everything which was important.’ He shook his head ruefully. ‘I can’t believe it’s taken us so long to understand that there only needs to be one thing in your life that isn’t working, and it doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are, how many things you have, or none, your life will never feel happy or fulfilled. In fact, if anything, all it does is highlight what youdon’thave, not what you do.’
‘And perhaps even longer to admit to it,’ added Sofia. ‘I wanted something in my life to care about. Something which would swallow me whole and take away the empty feeling inside. I thought that if we had the kind of life everyone wanted, that if we started moving in the right circles, that my business would be a success and I’d have something to fill my days, instead of ceaseless longing. But it hasn’t done that at all. All it’s done is prove that you can’t run from the things you actually want, and you can’t buy endless stuff in the hope of burying them either.’
‘You two still have a lot to discuss,’ said Henry. ‘But it’s exciting, isn’t it, thinking what the future could hold?’ He swung a glance at Peg, and this time she held it. It was high time she started taking her own advice.
Sofia reached forward and pulled the plate of sandwiches towards her. ‘Come on, Peg, tuck in. They’re just cheese and chutney, but it’s a nice one.’ She grimaced. ‘From the local deli admittedly, but it’s not bad. And I’ve got some chocolate fingers in the fridge for afters.’
Peg edged a sandwich off the plate and took an appreciative bite. Sofia was right, the chutneywasgood, although it wasn’t a patch on hers. Not that she’d say anything, of course…besides, she had a feeling that in a few years’ time, the young woman sitting in front of her might be making her own…
Two hours later, Peg fastened her seat belt and, putting the car in gear, slowly pulled away from the kerb, waving until Adam and Sofia were out of sight.
