But shit, how I ran anyway, sneaking out the back door while Tyler and Kaylee were holding each other close against that stupid wall. An image I’m still trying to get out of my brain.
I'm not running anymore now. Literally. Because I couldn't make myself do it. I just couldn't make myself go to the bench the day after for our daily morning jog. I couldn't go to our management class with which he helped me so much. I couldn't go to the cafeteria where we have breakfast most days, Kaylee included. And I for sure as hell couldn't go to Yetties to see themsitting there at our table. I couldn't fucking face them. Couldn't facehim.
Not after the way he kissed me.
Not after the way touched me.
Not after the way he looked at me during that stupid kiss.
Because nobody has ever looked at me likethat.
I know lust, I know desire, I know how to handle horny people who only see me for what I am, a piece of entertainment.
But I don't know how to handle something more than that because I'm not worth that, because that's not how it normally goes. People want me, use me, and then get rid of me.
They don’t look at me like I’m… Something real.
But hey, he ran off right after so thatissomething that I’m used to.
Fuck. I’m maybe sensing a theme here.
I'm in the middle of very busily banging my head on my desk when my door suddenly opens, and Missy walks in, one of her hands in front of her eyes.
“Please tell me that that rhythmic banging sound in here is not some weird wank job that's going wrong? Or going right? I'm not one to kink-shame, but it sounds louder than it normally does. Can I open my eyes? I need to talk to you.”
I can't help but snort at that, the first sound of amusement that escapes me in a week. “You hear me jerking off at night?”
“At night, in the mornings… These walls are thin, you know. The same thing you complain about a lot when Lamar stays over.”
I give a hysterical giggle against my desk, my forehead still pressed against it. “Oh God, I know.” I just can't count the times anymore when I’ve heard her and Lamar going at it, wise to remember that it works the other way around as well.
“Anyway,” she starts as I lift my head, and she takes a seat on my bed. “What the F is going on with you? You’ve missed ourpractice this entire week now, and I’ve heard from a very trusty source that you’re missing your management classes as well. Lamar says you called in sick?”
“I have a cold,” I deadpan, fake coughing in my hand, which makes her snort.
I roll my eyes. “Lamar shouldn’t tattle.”
“You and I both know that Lamar always tattles. He's worse than the average group of old hags at my grandmother's tea parties.”
I huff at that, turning my desk chair around and facing her fully. “I just wasn’t feeling like it this week.”
She raises her dark brows in question. “Yeah, I’m not buying that. What happened last weekend?”
“Who said that something happened last weekend?”
She purses her ruby red painted lips together, dark eyes burning into mine. But I won’t budge. I know she’s like my only real close friend now, since I’ve managed to spectacularly fuck up the other one, but I’m not telling her what went down. I’m not outing Tyler without his consent because I’m pretty damn sure he’s firmly stuck in Questionville right about now.
Which makes me feel like such a coward and an a-hole because I should help him figure this out, help him with what's bound to be some confusing stuff, but Kaylee... Kaylee should be the one to help him with that, since she's his girlfriend and all.
“What?” I ask when Missy keeps giving me her death glare. “Why should anything have happened last weekend?”
“Because Tyler and Kaylee broke up last week,” Missy states, and fuck it if my heart doesn’t skip a beat at that, they what?
“And Ty looks like crap, like a lost puppy really,” she goes on, not noticing how this news affects me, how I'm holding my breath and how I'm holding on to her every word. “He keeps popping into Yetties and hangs around our table, looking miserable. He's been asking about you.”
And oh, how that could make me soar to the sky if the guilt didn't weigh me down.
“They broke up?” I croak, letting my head fall into my hands.
