‘You really should come with us. It’s really good to blow the cobwebs off the week before and get ready for the week ahead,’ I hear him say over the fence to Aidan, who has just come back from his morning run. ‘That’s what my mum says anyhow. I have a Frisbee. It’s brand new, but Mum isn’t really good at catching it. She tries her best, but I just end up giving up and kicking my ball instead.’
The lonely only-child’s remark is enough to at least guilt Aidan into joining us this time.
‘OK, I’ll meet you down there,’ he says to Ben, catchingme listening in from my position at the front door. ‘My grandparents weren’t very good at Frisbee either when I was your age, so I’ll see you there and we’ll show your mum how it’s done.’
As well as Sundays by the sea, I begin the new season with a bang by making a decision that this will be the one where I finally put my energy into doing something I feel passionate about, and so far it’s keeping me up late at night, but it’s making me very excited indeed.
I’ve thought of names for my future brand of home-made candles and I stay awake at night, dreaming of one day stocking some of my supplies in local shops including Truly Vintage of course, in addition to some of the unique little gift shops in nearby Dunfanaghy.
‘There’s something about this smell that reminds me of Mabel,’ Aidan tells me one Sunday morning as we walk the Strand with Ben. I’d brought a candle in my handbag to see if I could pluck his business mind to help me come up with a brand name. ‘It’s so simple, yet so her.’
‘That’s it!’ I say, stopping in the sand as the answer came to me. ‘It’s simply Mabel. I’ve got it!Simply Mabel! Thanks Aidan.’
‘Nice to see I’m useful for something,’ he says, looking very gloomy in comparison to my upbeat enthusiasm at my big revelation. He closes up and walks over to a sand dune before I can dare to ask what might be on his mind.
Our push and pull mode of communication continueslike this every Sunday, but I’m quite happy with the distance we’ve created even though we live so closely. He’s a married man, obviously in some sort of despair with whatever he has on his mind; it’s not my place to intervene, nor is it my intention to. I’ve Ben to focus on and my own mental health, and I’m quite happy to keep a comfortable space.
I start the new season by writing daily affirmations in the spare room, which I made a ‘room of one’s own’ in true Virginia Woolf style, to become my new workshop. I also practise my violin in there until my fingers bleed, I write poetry to express the anger of my past and the hope for my future. I meditate and I swim. I walk and I cook. I even garden, and it’s when I’m trying to figure out the best way to attack a patch of weeds by the fence that I overhear Aidan, who is pacing the garden on the other side.
‘I don’t know how much longer, Bruce,’ I hear him plead. ‘Yes, I know the time difference is shit but I’m doing my best. Jesus, give me a break! I’ve just lost the last family member I have and I’m sorry if it’s affecting the business, but I’m barely sleeping to try and keep up. I just need some space. I need this space and so does Rachel. You know it.’
I crouch down, unable to erase what I’ve just heard and praying that he doesn’t notice me so close by.
‘Fuck!’ I hear him as he hangs up on the call and then the back door slams as he goes back inside. It’s later that afternoon when he lands at my door, trembling and exhausted.
‘What’s wrong?’ I ask him. It’s a gorgeous spring day, theclocks have just gone forward to give us an extra hour of daylight, and yet Aidan stands in front of me looking like it’s the end of the world.
‘I was wondering if you’d time for a chat?’ he asks and I step aside to let him in, then lead him out to the back garden where I’ve taken great pride in trying to mirror Mabel’s masterpiece next door now that we don’t have it at our disposal to dine outside.
I put the kettle on and bring him out some tea and home-made scones, another of Mabel’s recipes baked by Ben, all the while wondering what has made him take this change of pace of communication.
‘Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting your day,’ he tells me, squinting in the sunshine when I join him. ‘I know I don’t like being landed on sometimes, so don’t be afraid to say if you’ve to go somewhere or if you’re busy.’
I think back to the conversation I overhead earlier from the garden.
‘It’s Saturday, it’s my day off, and I like to do as little as possible around Ben’s sporting timetable,’ I explain to him as I pour us some tea. ‘He’s horse riding at the moment with his best friend, Gino, after spending the morning playing soccer. He’s a better social life than I do, no joke.’
Aidan’s face has softened now, relieved perhaps that I can take the time to lend him an ear.
‘I’ve been under a lot of pressure since I got here, so first of all I want to apologize if I’ve made you feel like I waspushing any of your kindness away,’ he says, ‘but I’m really not used to it at all. My life in New York is the polar opposite of any sense of neighbourly community or having someone who cares. I honestly don’t even know my neighbours’ names over there.’
I can barely relate. When I think of how close Mabel and I were, I can’t even imagine a life where you were totally anonymous, with no one to call upon.
‘It’s not the same in New York at all, at least not in my circle,’ he continues. ‘My wife’s family are money orientated and the more I distance myself physically from their demands, the more I see just how cold I’ve become after being immersed in that world for so long. I wasn’t brought up like that. Our home here in Ballybray was full of warmth and love and I’ve closed the door on that over the years. I’m trying to open it again.’
I have no idea where he is going with this.
‘Aidan, I’m not expecting anything from you at all,’ I say to him. ‘We spend time together on Sunday mornings at the beach, which Ben absolutely adores, but don’t ever feel pressurized to do any more.’
‘But Mabel wanted us to have some sort of family connection, and I think I should make more of an effort. Can I treat you and Ben to something? Is there anything you need?’
I’m absolutely baffled now.
‘Anything Ineed? Like what?’
‘Well, I don’t know,’ he says, looking around him for someinspiration. ‘Like, is there anything you need for your home or your new studio? Anything I can—’
‘Aidan, I don’t want you tobuyus anything,’ I say to him with a nip in my voice I don’t even try to disguise. ‘I don’t ever want or need you tobuymy friendship, and I’d very much doubt that’s what Mabel meant when she said she’d like us to get to know each other!’
