This.
Us.
Over and over again until the world has turned to dust.
I pull away, just long enough to fill my aching lungs. There’s a sound bursting around us? Cheers. Clapping. It doesn’t matter, I can't make out anything other than the way my body screamsmore.
But as I try to close the distance again, she’s turned her face from me, prying my fingers from her sides.
“Avery,” I breathe her name, but she’s slipping away from me out through the bar and to the entrance.
Before we’ve actually resolved anything, I let myself get swept up in her presence. Now she’s gone again. This is what I get for being greedy.
I follow her out into the night.
She’s halfway across the parking lot, heading straight for the highway when I yell, “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m going back to my car. The tow truck should be there soon,” she says, her voice shaking.
“Have you ever seen a horror movie in your life? I’ll drive us.”
“I need space.”
“Why? What happened in the last two minutes that has you pretending there isn’t something important happening right here?” I cry out. “Please stay. Talk to me. Tell me the truth.”
She stops, feet crunching on a pile of loose gravel as she turns to look at me, lips pulled back in a snarl. “Why? So you can say all the right things and get my hopes up again?”
“I begged you to be here. Now, think, why the hell would I do that?”
“Because you saw I was engaged and didn’t want to share, so you got in the way. Then when I got here, we were having a good time, and I started to believe I had you back. I’ve spent the last ten years missing you and”—she gasps for air—“I finally didn’t have to miss you anymore. I finally didn’t feel lonely. LikeI do all. The. Fucking. Time. And then when I got excited about rehearsing with you, to feel the way we just did on that stage, you didn’t show up.” Her shoulders start to shake and her fist ball at her sides. “You know I was worried you were hurt! That you were in a hospital somewhere! When I picked up my phone, I was ready for the worst, for it to happen again.” Her voice turns to ice, sending a chill straight to my bones.
Is that what she thought? That she was learning about me the same way she learned about Hudson?
“But you were just having too much fun at your stupid fucking party. And now I’m here, feeling like some fucking toy you’ve tossed to the side because you got bored of playing with me.”
“You’re not a toy,” I say firmly. “You’re so fucking real it hurts.”
“If it hurts so much, why don’t you move on?” she yells. A truck blurs by behind her, sending her hair whipping around her shoulders like some vengeful god ready to take my soul. She doesn’t have to take it, though. I’m here, ready to give it to her.
“You make it sound like I have a choice.”
“Then act like you want me in your life. Show up when you say you’re going to be somewhere instead of waking up next to someone else and running two hours late. Act like you give a damn!”
“So you want me to be celibate? Great, say the word! Talk to me. Tell me that’s what you want, and we can go on pretending that it makes sense when we’re not together. Because I’ll do it if that means we can find a way to make this work. I kissed those girls and regret it. I woke up feeling fucking sick about it.” I stretch my face to the sky and shout, cursing the stars. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. “Meanwhile, the media was having a field day with those images, making up stories that never happened. I tried to talk to you, but you wouldn’t even give me a second to explain. I miss Avery who would have askedme if it was true instead of just thinking I’m a slut like everyone else.” My lungs burn. It feels like they’re shrinking in my chest. I keep trying to pull in air but it’s not enough. I push through the lancing pain. And it’s not just my lungs, because my heart starts aching too. “You think you’re the only one who lost a friend, but you’re not! Because my best friend would have checked on me instead of assuming the worst.”
It’s my fault, though. I handed her the evidence and helped her draw this conclusion time and time again because I thought it was for the best. Yet, there’s the part of me that has been desperate for her to see through the fabrication. To throw it all in the trash and demand the truth. Because she’s always been defiant. The person I could rely on no matter what.
And when I saw those pictures of me with those women, it was like someone was patting me on the back, cheering me on even as they slapped their hand against a raw wound. Was it too much to hope that she’d see the blood and ask what caused it instead of tossing salt at it?
Her mouth slackens and brows dip as she takes a step toward me, then another. Slow. Each a deliberate choice. “Are you, okay?” And how long have I waited for her to ask me that. To see I’m not.
“No.”
“Wes, what happened?” She lifts a hand to my face, cupping my cheek, and I lean into her touch.
“Maddie.” My voice cracks and I swallow to clear my throat. “Maddie was there.” My legs shake, knees threatening to give out.
Wordlessly, she guides me to the entrance platform; the protruding ledge on the other side of the railing is just big enough for us to sit comfortably.
