Then, the reality hit her. She remembered at once the reason Teddy had entered the competition. He wanted to choose his partner. If he didn’t, he’d have to relent to a political marriage. To be with him would mean going back to Argaria with him but also being forced to perform alongside him at court. It would mean watching him suffer daily as he tried to fit himself into an impossible mold of perfection.
“It’s a shame it didn’t work out.” Teddy smirked up at her, tapping the flowers on his head. “You would look beautiful in a crown.”
“I didn’t want to be queen anyway,” Stella said.
Teddy held her gaze and licked his lips. “You don’t want to be queen, or you don’t want to behisqueen?”
The question felt like too much and also like an inevitability.
They’d been headed here from the moment the goddess linked them together, or perhaps the moment he’d been so tender with her when she was too raw for anything but human touch.
But how could Stella leave her life in Olney for Teddy when she was still getting to know him? When she was just getting to know herself? When she was going to have a new baby sister or brother and Rosie and Leo needed her still? When her whole life was here?
Because even if she could give up some parts of that, she knew deep down Teddy couldn’t love her enough to make up the difference. She would compromise many things. This was her home, and it was already a stretch when she’d thought of being queen of Olney. To move so far away to a foreign court and be away from everyone she loved while having the unimaginable burden of being queen… She couldn’t do it. Love was supposed to feel like freedom. This felt like a trap, even if she’d be in the same cage as someone she loved. Even if she could look at him every day and know he saw her.
“I don’t want to be queen,” she said, her voice barely a rasp. “But maybe?—”
Here she was again, looking down another ending and still unwilling to let go. Teddy’s disappointment hit her in the chest, knocking the wind from her lungs.
His eyes were as soft as his touch on her side. “What future could we have? You don’t want to be queen.”
“And you don’t want to be king.”
He huffed a laugh, but all she felt was his grief mingling with hers. “Unfortunately, you’re the only one who can opt out.”
Stella tapped her chest. “Too bad we’re already stuck with each other.”
Teddy smiled sadly. “Can’t regret the one reckless choice in a lifetime of careful ones.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m not about to start being careful now,” she said.
Teddy laughed—a real laugh that sent a curl of pleasure through her.
Stella had been so close to what she wanted, but timing was everything.
“It’s for the best,” she rasped. “I’m not your peace. I can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved. When I win tomorrow, I’m not going to ask for Arden’s hand. I’m going to ask for the bond to be broken so we can both be free of this.” Her voice broke, and she swallowed the lump in her throat.
It hurt to even admit it out loud, but it hurt more to see the understanding on his face. It would have been better if he were angry. She knew how to meet his fury, but had no idea how to meet this quiet compassion.
The adversity she faced hadn’t been a set-up for a grand fairy-tale romance. It was the set-up for Stella to finally figure out what she wanted and walk away when she couldn’t get it. Maybe that’s what her mother had meant—that the greater love story was about loving herself. It was a good lesson, but it didn’t make it hurt less.
“How can this be it?” She hadn’t meant to say it, but it slipped out anyway.
Teddy’s face softened, and he pulled her into a kiss. It was soft, thebarest brush of his lips, like a whispered goodbye on his way to grander things.
She pushed him back against the glass, straddling his lap and kissing him harder. He groaned, one hand coming up to cup her cheek and the other pressing her body against his so hard it hurt.
“Don’t let me down easy,” he whispered between kisses.
Stella pulled on the back of his tunic until he relented, breaking their kiss to grab the collar, yank it off, and toss it to the floor. He unbuttoned the front of her dress, nipping down her chest and pressing kisses to each mark he left behind.
He moved slowly, languidly, when she wanted him to go fast, or at least faster than the wave of grief that was crashing down on her. Teddy groaned into her neck as she rolled her hips against him. He brushed his nose along her jaw, and finally kissed her again.
“Please,” she murmured against his mouth.
Could he feel the agony in that one word? Did he know that she meantmy heart is in your handsandplease don’t ruin me? Or maybe she really wanted a reckoning and that plea wasPlease ruin me.Please wreck me this once so I’ll know it before I meet my end. Please destroy me so I can die knowing I’ve risked my heart at least once—that I’ve had the real thing this once.
Funny that she thought she’d loved before. This felt like being tossed unprepared over some cliff edge and only realizing when she felt the stomach-plunging terror of free fall that there was nothing she could do but surrender.
