“We’d best return, before we are missed.”
I couldn’t get down the stairs fast enough, and when I was at the bottom I leaned against the tree, trembling all over. I was sure the shadow had been the queen, and I wondered what terrible thing would happen, should she find out I’d looked at the one relic that was forbidden.
Chapter Forty-Two
Deep in thought,I returned to my room, considering the knowledge that Romulus had something in mind for me, something that went beyond simply learning how to use my magic. If not for my mother’s warning against the icemen, I would have assumed he was following her designs on my fate and future. His ardent boldness at showing me the red sword both frustrated and thrilled me. I’d barely been in Anon Loam a week, and if we’d been caught, I shuddered to think what might have happened. On the other hand, it was a glorious weapon, and awoke a question within, a question I dared not consider.
I was so lost in thought that I did not notice the shadow on the bed until it moved. Clasping a hand over my mouth, I gasped. “Tiwyn, you frightened me!”
The child rose and stepped into the moonlight. “I’m not Tiwyn,” she said.
Fear fluttered around and it took me a moment, sputtering and wondering if it were possible, to recognize her. “Reish?” The last time she’d appeared, it had been to warn me about Jezebel, and I’d been too slow, too late to heed her warning. Now, I wondered if I should run, and what I should take, for aside from the gown and the cloak, I owned nothing, not even a weapon.
And then there was the matter of Reish herself. I was sure it was her, and yet she appeared older, as though she’d aged a few years in only a few months. I reminded myself she was the seer.
“It is I.” Reish nodded, glancing at the table where a flagon and cups sat. “Do you mind?”
“Help yourself,” I breathed. “But why are you here? Why do you look older?”
Reish poured herself a glass of wine and took a seat at the table, gesturing for me to sit on the bed. “I am here because you need me.”
I pressed my lips together, for I did not recall asking for her. Who had sent her? But then, I’d never specifically called her; she usually appeared while I was oblivious to my need of her.
“Is something bad going to happen?” I twisted the cloak around my fingers, not sure how to handle bad news. Again. I was just recovering, just reviving.
Reish cocked her head and took a sip. “It depends on how you handle this delicate situation. You’ve been here a week and I’m sure you have hidden suspicions, which you are right to keep to yourself. By fate you have been guided to a family of loyalists. Trust them and no one else.”
“What family?”
“Perhaps the very one you mistook me for? Regardless, I am older because you have matured. I suppose when you have fully matured, you will see me in my true form.”
I worried my lower lip between my teeth as I took in her words. The gist of it was to trust Tiwyn and her mother, Donia, and none else. And did Reish just say I was childish? Determined not to be annoyed, I leaned forward. “What else can you tell me?”
“What is it you want to know?”
How odd to have such a cryptic conversation with one who appeared like a child, yet I trusted her. Now that danger wasn't rapidly approaching, I sat back on the bed and tucked my legs underneath me. “About my fate, my future. What am I supposed to do? I’m here now, learning magic, but I can’t imagine that I’d stay here forever. The queen has forbidden me from taking the red sword or fighting to restore the kingdom of men, and I’m not sure if it is my future anymore. All my training has led me to believe that I was meant for more, that the gods have a plan for me, but I don’t know what it is.”
“And this frustrates you?”
“Yes.” I sighed, wishing she would stop answering my question with yet another question.
“It is normal to feel the way you feel, to search for answers, to desire a truth and hear the advice of one you trust. I tell you this, Aofie Mor. You are blessed and gifted by the gods, your life is your own, and what you choose to do with it is your own. There are choices that may lead you astray, and choices that will bring you to new beginnings. I cannot hold your hand along the way, for it is only by those choices and experiences that you will truly grow. If someone is always telling you what to do, you will get nowhere. Don’t be afraid to trust yourself and make your own choices.”
I stared, taken off guard by her words. All my life I’d been taught to put my own hopes and dreams aside to the point I dared not act or even consider them. I thought back to the first centaur I liked, Marller, with his long chestnut hair, and the smile that made my heart soften. I hadn’t had the confidence to approach him and now, looking back, I realized he liked me too. Perhaps if I had given some kind of indication that I returned his feelings, he might have kissed me…but then I would have been loath to leave him behind. But then he might have come with me instead of Niamh. Frowning, I went back further, recalling the consequences of my actions, or rather, lack of actions, because I tried so hard to do what was right, to please.
“But…won’t I displease the gods if I follow my own heart and trust my own desires against theirs?”
“It is up to you to find out.”
I closed my mouth, thinking about it. “It’s intimidating, you know, having all these opportunities before me and not knowing what I should do.”
“You know.” Reish drained the cup and sat it back on the table. “It is within you, you’re just not accustomed to manifesting your desires. But when you listen, really listen, you’ll know what you want.”
She was right. I did know, but it seemed wrong, false, to desire such a thing. I told her, my words in a half whisper.
“I want to find my father, the god Dagda, and ask him why he tricked my mother. And Jezebel, I want to destroy her before she brings harm to anyone else. But first I need to learn magic, to figure out if I will become strong enough to oppose her.”
Reish stood, shifting out of the moonlight until she was nothing more than a vague shadow. “Dagda resides on Dun’Gilly Mountain, but to seek his favor you must travel into the heart of the kingdom of men and out the other side. The elves have maps, should you wish to consult them.”
