I didn’t get embarrassed often, but knowing she thought I had to take a humongous shit shot heat to my neck.
With the heel of my boot, I banged the door shut and sprinted to the bag lying on the back of the toilet. My fingers shook as I held it up.
I should just flush this shit.
Untying the knot in the plastic, I pulled open the top and swirled a fingertip inside, digging into the round pills. Two urges hit me at once—to grind one up in my mouth and swallow it down while at the same time I wanted to dump them into the water in the waiting commode.
Knock-knock.
Startled, I nearly dropped the entire bag.
“You okay, Pax?” Terri’s voice dipped, full of concern. “Need anything?”
“N-no.” I flushed the toilet, needing to do something with the rising panic rushing through me, my eyes still fixated on the bag.
Just drop it in, let them swirl around the bowl on their way down into the sewer where they belong.
“Okay, I’ll be out on the balcony if you need anything. Don’t want to be bowled over with whatever’s going on with you.”
“Ha. I’m fine. Feeling much better now.”
“Mmhmm.” The glass patio door slid open, telling she’d stepped outside.
I glanced around the generic bathroom. There really wasn’t a proper place to hide them without risking being found..
But why do I need to stash them away if they’re a legitimate prescription?I glanced at myself in the mirror, the light catching on the silver of my nose ring.
My pale face contrasted with my black AC/DC shirt and dark circles rested under my eyes. How long had it been since I’d felt normal…felt likeme?
Years.
With no more thought, I upended the pills and watched them pour out like flat circular drops of hail, their plopping noises a patter of rain.
“And that’s that,” I muttered, pushing down on the handle and ensuring every one went down the drain.
Taking a deep breath, I chucked the empty bag into the trash, then splashed my face with cold water from the faucet and smoothed my hair from my face.
Grabbing onto the counter with both hands, I leaned forward and stared at my reflection. “Youcando this, Ross. Stop being so fucking weak and face your demon.”
The problem with facing my demon, though, wasn’t the actual act of staring him down. No, the hard part was having the courage to take the monster by the throat to stuff him back inside. The demon would always live inside of me no matter what I did. He was just as much a part of me as I was of him. His bad habits, his rage, and his façade had allowed me to survive through those last twelve years of my life. In a sick, twisted kind of way, I owed him and he owed me.
Grabbing the travel-sized bottle of green mouthwash, I swished the liquid to freshen my breath, spit, then strolled out the door and onto the balcony.
CC sat on one of the white plastic chairs, her long legs stretched out with her feet propped on the iron railing.
I shut the patio door and inhaled the dry desert, wishing it was the swampy air of Louisiana.
“Everything come out all right?” She leaned the back of her head against the chair, her hair a curly mess around her face that blew in the gentle breeze.
Pushing against the railing, I propped my elbows on the top and looked out at the yellow lights of the city. “Yeah, it wasn’t as bad as I thought.” I turned to her and leaned my hip against the railing. “Thanks for staying with me. After everything I did, I guess it’s shitty of me to ask you for anything, but—”
“Hush.” She put her feet on the concrete and stood facing me. “We won’t live in the past. You apologized, and now that I know the truth, I can’t lay the blame solely at your feet. I’m guilty, too.” Running a hand down her throat, she exhaled slowly. “I knew the risk of getting caught that night”—her intense stare flickered to mine, starshine bouncing off her corneas—“yet I was a reckless fool. I had a feeling you leaving had something to do with what happened, but I thought it was me. Mom practically threw it in my face, pointing out that you’d taken what you came for and then found me lacking, that I was a ridiculous fat girl trying to believe a hot guy could ever fall for her.”
“Stop that.” Hearing the words fall from her lips, even if they were Charlotte’s, incensed me. “Yeah, I left because of you, but it had nothing to do with how you looked.” I laid both palms on her forearms. “You’ve always been the most beautiful girl I’ve known—inside and out. Watching you emerge from that box and finding your own place, talking to you about all the terrible, fucked up things in my life, and then sharing my heart and body with you has been the best thing in my life.”
She bit her bottom lip as she fixated on my mouth.
“You, Cotton Candy, have been theonlygood thing in my entire existence.”
