A huge smile transformed her face from lovely to fucking luminous. I wanted to drop to my knees and pledge my soul to her.
CC stepped closer, the movement pushing her chest against mine. “You gave me such courage and confidence, Pax. I never knew I could be more than the clumsy girl who was the punching bag for the school and her mom. When you left, I let the anger drive that pathetic girl where she belonged—in a cage—and became what you’d always said I could be. Brave. Bold. Beautiful.”
“You did what you had to do to survive.” I pushed my forehead to hers and closed my eyes, giving a relieved sigh at the contact of her warm skin. “We all have another version deep inside of us, waiting to come out with the right incentive.” I thought about the hungry demon always lurking in me. “Sometimes the right—or wrong, depending on which wins out—person can bring them out. You always brought out my good side.”
Curving her hands around my neck, she stretched her body and pressed her lips to mine.
Greedily, I wrapped her into an embrace, kissing her in return and pulling her flush against me, knowing she could feel me growing hard against her pelvis.
“God, I want you,” I whispered between the kisses, wishing I could write her onto my skin like the lyrics of a song that would never wash away.
“You’re supposed to be sick,” she said as she pulled back.
“Obviously you’re the cure.” I stroked a finger along her jawline.
“Paxton,” she dropped into her chair and patted the one next to her. “Sit down. You look exhausted.”
For a moment, I could only stare at her, my mouth open.
Did she just push me away?An even worse thought gnawed within my head.What if she doesn’t love me in the same way I’ve always loved her?
“As much as I enjoy a good tumble in the sheets”—she leaned against the back of the chair and gazed out across the city—“I won’t take advantage of a sick man.”
I couldn’t hold back a chuckle of humor…and relief. Strolling the short distance to my chair, I sat and twisted in her direction. “Shit, Cotton Candy. I’ve been trying to get you to take advantage of me all night. Maybe that was the plan all along…” With a wink and smile, I wiggled my eyebrows.
She twisted her mouth to the side. “I’m serious, Pax. I didn’t choose to stay the night with you just to take care of you or fuck. I chose to stay as your friend. You seem like you need one.”
My good humor died. “Don’t treat me like a charity case, CC.” I couldn’t subdue the growl in my voice.
“I’mnot.” She laid a hand on my bare forearm. “It’s just…” Twisting her neck so she could peer behind her through the patio doors. “You have no roots. Everything you own can be condensed into a bag and a guitar. Why?”
“Maybe because I’ve never found a place that felt like home.” I shrugged.What’s the big deal?
“Or maybe because you’ve been running most of your life and it’s the only thing you know, the only thing that makes sense.”
I stood up. “Why does it matter?”
“Because having your own place can be a refuge, a place to let go and relax.”
Shaking my head, I walked around the chair and opened the patio door. “Need to use the restroom.” Without waiting for her answer, I stepped through and made a line straight through the room. A small sigh of relief washed over me knowing I was escaping from her sharp eyes.
WhyhadI never cared to settle down?
I opened the bathroom door and stood at the sink, one hand in my pocket, the other braced against the rim.
Was it because I was scared? Not exactly. Even when I’d lived in the dorms at the academy, they’d never felt like home.
Only Terri has ever felt like home, and I screwed that up.
After turning on the faucet, I withdrew my hand and stared at the pill in my hand, letting the sound or running water soothe the inner turmoil inside.
Maybe I’m punishing myself. For my mom, for my dad, for what I did to Terri.
Without another thought, I raised my open palm to my mouth, then gulped water, washing the medicine down, hoping it would calm the jangle of nerves and unwanted memories trying to flood into my head.
Tomorrow. I can stop tomorrow.I’d already flushed what Jay had brought, so the only thing left was what I’d stashed in my pocket.
Terri’s prodding questions made me uneasy, and I didn’t want her to see how broken on the inside I’d become. I wanted to get back to the man I used to be, who she’d helped me become. But tonight? I just wanted to stay calm and pretend everything was fine.
