As Joseph winces, I realise I’ve just put my foot in it.
‘No… no, I already owned this,’ he admits.
Oops.
‘Here’s the thing,’ he begins, leaning in. ‘Look what a great job I’m doing, of faking it. You don’t want to take someone who is actually a nightmare, you want someone who is willing to act like it. And I can do it, I really can. I’m prepared to go full-on crazy, just say the word.’
I can’t help but smile. Joseph is clearly a good guy but his version of pretending to be crazy is just actually kind of crazy. It’s too much.
‘I don’t think this is going to work,’ I tell him. ‘Sorry. It’s my fault, it was my own silly idea. I appreciate you trying.’
‘Give me one last chance?’ he suggests.
‘Sorry,’ I say again, shaking my head.
Joseph sighs.
‘I’m going to the bathroom,’ he tells me, pulling himself to his feet.
Alone for a moment, I laugh to myself as I sip my drink. Why on earth did I think this would work? Whether Joseph is actually crazy or just acting that way, he’s in it for himself, for the free holiday, and if I stick myself on a dating site like Matcher and tell everyone there is a free holiday up for grabs, well, that’s a sure-fire way to isolate the worst of an already generally pretty bad bunch. Now that I think about it, I’m lucky that Joseph was putting it on, because things could have got seriously out of hand otherwise.
The loud, high-pitched scream of the fire alarm snaps me from my thoughts. I instinctively place my hands over my ears and glance around – yes, because ignoring it is exactly what you’re supposed to do.
The music cuts out and staff spring to action, trying to calmly usher everyone towards their closest exit, until we’re safely outside in the chilly night air.
As we stand in the street, I hug myself to keep warm. Everyone looks as confused as I feel – no one seems to know what’s going on, and I have no idea if Joseph has made it out okay.
It’s amazing how reassuringly quickly the fire brigade arrives on the scene, and they spring to action in an instant. I notice one flustered-looking member of staff pointing inside, showing them where to go, before they run in. I’ll always be in awe of people who run towards danger instead of away from it. Okay, sure, I’m a bit like that myself, but not actual danger – it’s more like I run into stupidity.
‘Oh my gosh, Joseph,’ I blurt as he finds me in the crowd. ‘Are you okay? Did you see a fire or anything?’
‘No,’ he replies, tucking his hands into his pockets to keep them warm. ‘Just the chaos.’
I watch as more firefighters run into the building.
‘I wonder what’s going on,’ I think out loud.
I turn to Joseph who is glancing around, looking left to right, making sure no one can hear us.
‘I did it,’ he blurts, his expression wildly darting between guilt and pride.
‘What?’ I whisper back, my jaw on the floor.
‘I pulled the fire alarm,’ he tells me. ‘I told you I could be crazy.’
There’s crazy and then there is just plain stupid.
‘Are you serious?’ I reply.
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘I just wanted to show you that I can be what you need me to be. I’m not all talk – I’m willing to do what it takes, to cause trouble.’
If there is one thing I am certain of, it’s that I do not want to take someone to the wedding who is going to ruin it. Joseph is really taking things too far.
Before I can say anything, a member of staff approaches us.
‘Hi, I’m just making sure that everyone is okay, and seeing if anyone has left any belongings inside,’ she checks. ‘Obviously, no one is going back in tonight.’
I shake my head.
