‘No, nothing,’ Joseph tells her, his cheeks flushing.
‘That’s great,’ the staff member replies. ‘We apologise for the inconvenience, but we want to reassure you that no one got hurt – everyone involved is okay.’
‘What do you mean?’ I can’t help but ask.
‘The fire,’ she says, looking at me like I’m stupid. ‘One of our new employees was being careless, trying to light a birthday cake with eighty candles, and he started a fire. Luckily someone pulled the fire alarm right away and we were able to get it under control, or it could have been a lot worse.’
Joseph just stares at her blankly. I manage to wait until she’s gone before I allow myself a smile.
Poor Joseph. Even when he’s trying to be a bad boy, he still winds up doing good. Either way, I definitely shouldn’t take him to the wedding with me. I’m just going to have to think of something – anything – else.
15
So, the date last night didn’t go to plan. Honestly, it’s a dark day on earth when you can’t even rely on Matcher for a genuinely bad date.
The irony, in all of this, is that Joseph actually seems like he might be a nice, cool guy – when he’s not pretending to be a psychopath to bag himself a free holiday.
I’m sitting at my desk, trying to work, but all I can think about is my next move. Anyone who dares to say I have no drive or motivation has obviously never seen me when I’m angry, because spite and pettiness light a fire under me like nothing else.
I really thought mentioning what I was doing on my Matcher profile might only attract the weirdos I needed but it turns out everyone is willing to go a long way (you can’t get further than Australia, can you?) to get a free holiday, and I’m getting so many messages that my phone might quite literally blow up from the heat it gives off every time I use the app for too long.
‘Honestly, it was the worst date I have ever been on,’ Molly tells Faye.
That catches my attention. I turn my attention from my computer screen and focus on Molly and Faye’s conversation.
‘Oh, no! What happened?’ Faye asks.
‘Oh, where do I even start?’ Molly sighs, leaning back in her chair. ‘First of all, he was late. Not just a little late – like, an hour late. And when he finally shows up, he doesn’t even apologise. Just walks in like he owns the place, sits down, and immediately starts talking shit about his ex, and not just to me, he even started telling the waiter.’
‘Wow,’ Faye says with a wince. ‘How long did that go on for?’
‘The entire evening,’ Molly says, rolling her eyes. ‘I know more about his ex now than I know about my own exes. Apparently, she was the love of his life, and no one will ever measure up to her, but she was also a “hoe-bag” who slept with his brothers – plural.’
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Faye lost for words, so that’s kind of cool to witness.
‘And then…’ Molly continues – there’s more? ‘…he orders the most expensive thing on the menu without even looking at it. When I mentioned that it seemed a bit over the top, he gave me this smug smile and said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got money coming out of my arse.”’
Faye’s mouth drops open in disbelief.
‘Please tell me you made him pay for everything,’ she replies.
‘Of course I did,’ Molly says, laughing. ‘Even if I could have afforded it, I wasn’t going to waste my money on that. But the best part? After all of that, he insists on walking me home – like he’s some kind of gentleman – and when we get to my door, he offered me a fist bump.’
‘No!’ Faye gasps, laughing. ‘Please tell me you’re joking.’
‘I wish I was,’ Molly says. ‘He fist-bumps everyone and calls them “matey”. Even women. Like, who does that? And, then he asked if he could come in…’
Wow, he sounds like a nightmare. And a great bad date for a wedding.
‘Can I get his number?’ I ask with a laugh, maybe only half-joking.
‘Why the hell would you want a bad date?’ Faye asks, raising an eyebrow. ‘You overheard all of that and thought he sounded like a catch?’
Faye and Molly exchange glances, clearly confused, but not looking all that surprised if I’m being honest.
I hesitate, wondering if I should just tell them. It could be good, to be honest with someone about what’s going on, and to talk to some girl’s girls about the issue. Maybe they’ll talk me out of it? Sure, I’m still raging with anger, but maybe I’m overreacting… maybe? I need a second (and third) opinion.
‘My sister, Seph, is getting married, in Australia – that’s why I’m taking time off,’ I explain.
