He felt his mother’s eyes boring into him, suddenly aware that she’d stoppedtalking.
‘I know you’re worried,’ she said, as if reading his mind. ‘That there are things you’re nottellingme.’
‘You do?’saidDan.
He wondered if this was his chance to come clean. After all, he hated deceiving his mother, pretending all was well on the Maeve front when really it was anything but. He hated keeping secrets in relation toAnnabeltoo.
Annabel. He felt himself brighten at the mere thought of the woman. In a strange way, it was their time together that had kept him sane throughout all of this. Their Wednesday nights gave him something to look forward to; a diversion from reality which he had to admit had nothing to do with babies. Annabel was funny and smart and quirky. She made him laugh. In fact, in many ways she was just like his mother and he knew the two of them would fast become friends were they evertomeet.
‘Of course I do,’ his mumreplied.
He almost laughed. In reality she didn’t know the halfofit.
‘If I had to watch my mother waste away like this I’d be worried too. There’d be lots of things I’d want to say, but for whatever reason couldn’t. That’s natural. But know that I’m here for you.’ She patted the seat next to her, encouraging him to sit down. ‘I haven’t meant to push you away, Dan. I just think why let you get upset over what’s physically happening to me if I don’t have to. I want us to make the most of the time we have left. That’s what matters, not what’s going on inside this clapped out body of mine. You do understand,don’tyou?’
Dan put all thoughts of honesty to one side and nodded. He might not necessarily agree, but putting it like that, of course he understood. Besides, whatever information his mother had chosen to keep to herself,Googlehad been more than happy toshare.
‘You know I’ve never been one to pity myself,’ she carried on. ‘In my book, we just have to make the best of the cards that we’redealt.’
As he looked his mum in the eye, she seemed so accepting of everything. Why couldn’t he feelthesame?
‘Of course, it helps that when the inevitable does happen, I know you won’t be on your own, you’ll be in good hands. Missy has assured me that she and Maeve will give you all the supportyouneed.’
Dan felt like a part of him was dying along with his mother. Why couldn’t she see he didn’t care about Maeve? He didn’t care if she was there for him or not. He wanted her in his life, not some substitute, which is what Maeve seemed torepresent.
‘I don’t want you to go, Mum,’ he said. ‘Not now,notever.’
‘I know, Son. And goodness knows I don’t want to leave you. But we’ve had a good life together, haven’t we? Better than most.’ She put a hand up and touched his cheek. ‘If truth be known, Dan, I’m almost ready. I’m tired and every day seems to be gettingharder.’
Unable to help himself, Dan began to cry. ‘Please don’t say that,’ he said. ‘Please don’t die, Mum.’ But he could see in her face that shemeantit.
‘When it’s our time, it’s our time,’ she simply said. She smiled. ‘And it’ll be wonderful to see your father again. I can’t tell you how much I’vemissedhim.’
As his mother wrapped her arms around him, Dan felt like his heart was being ripped out. He told himself that she wasn’t really choosing his father over him, no matter what the little boy inside said. His tears turned to sobs as she began rocking him back and forth, stroking his head in the same way she used to when he was achild.
‘So you see in the middle of all this sadness, it’s not all bad. We both have a future to look forward to. Your dad’s up there somewhere waiting for me, just like Maeve’s going to be down hereforyou.’
Dan began to sobevenmore.
17
Dan searchedthe kitchen counter for his car keys. ‘Where are you?’ he asked. As he moved this canister and that canister, he felt sure he’d left them heresomewhere.
‘They’re hung up,’ said his mother. As she entered the room, she indicated to thekeyhook.
He rolled his eyes. The one place he should’ve thought to look but didn’t. ‘Cheers, Mum,’ he said. She was forever tidying up after him, at least one of them had the sense to put things where theybelonged.
He gave her a kiss on the cheek, ready toleave.
‘Let me have a look at you,’ she said. Giving him a quick once over, she smiled proudly as she straightened his tie. ‘Very smart. Very smart,indeed.’
Dan looked down at his clothing. Aside of any big event where protocol dictated, he tended not to wear a suit. This evening though, he’d decided to make more of an effort and admittedly not just on the clothing front. He’d done a lot of soul searching since yesterday’s heart-to-heart with his mother. Their talk had made him realise it was time to get real – about everything, and startingtonight.
‘Thanks, Mum,’ he said. ‘Now are you sure you’re going tobeokay?’
‘I’msure.’
‘And you’ve got everything you need?’ heasked.
