I don’t even feel the sloshing in my boot anymore.
Ben is heartbroken.
Over me.
He thinks I love Theo.
I could go to him right now and explain.
But.
Has he changed? Have I? Enough that two very different people could make a relationship, a real one, work? Not for weeks or months but for the long haul? I look up at the sky, remembering that cute older couple.
I hit town square and cross to where our scarecrow stood during most of the fall. I stop on a bench, sit, and glance around. People are still bustling all over but it’s colder and the early evening sun’s gone down behind the hills, so it feels late. I shudder.
What’s the point of hauling myself across the Atlantic for a relationship that’s totally doomed? He wasted no time in getting back in the saddle. Adventures, travel, organizing a big fun shindig with a million people.
I sat alone in a cocoon of blankets, finding comfort in crackers and cheese and chocolate. Milk and ice cream. A lot of dairy, really. No wonder I feel sick.
I hunch down so I can lay my head back and look at the first few stars. A tear escapes, traveling back toward my ear.
I want to go to him. I long for it. I ache for that, for him.
But is that stupid? Am I willing to do what it takes? Travel with him and be spontaneous? Go to a lot of parties? Be seen as Mrs. Clark?
Yup.
I am.
I look around again, seeing the Nativity that has been set up in this square since before I was born. The colors are faded and the eyes are creepy. Baby Jesus is facing out and in this moment, the back-lit infant is totally looking at me.
“A little help here?” I mutter at the statue.
Because I’m losing it.
Because I don’t know what to do. I’m willing to go, to try. But he’ll have to try too. For real. Is he going to meet me halfway? Stay in Juniper Falls? Travel less? Be more predictable? Come home earlier and—
Pfthhfhthhfhfh!
I jump out of my skin and look up at whatever nearby horse just…it’s not a horse. It’s the freaking Mayor. I want to stand and yell, point, get everyone's attention, but I don’t want to spook him, so I just sit, frozen, watching.
Like a dream, Mayor Bear the Reindeer pauses right near me, putting his massive head down to sniff the ground. This gives me a great look at his busted antler, just to confirm this is actually happening. It's him. Then in a blink he gets spooked and runs off, dashing in between the general store and Let it Spin.
I look back at baby Jesus and laugh. I didn’t expressly ask for a sign or a Christmas miracle, but I will freaking take it.
I pull out my phone and start texting. Emerson gives me Aiden’s number, thinking I am working on a surprise Christmas gift, which I guess I am. Aiden eventually answers my texts with instructions for using his plane. No apology or “Go get him.”Jerk.
I stand and start walking back, texting Harper and Skye the news.
Benedict Clark is the absolute, for better or worse, love of my life.
And I’m going to go tell him so.
46
BEN
“Isn’t the tree spectacular this year, Benedict?” Mum tries. We’re at our estate outside London and it’s decked to the nines. Every traditional, overstuffed white and gold, French-country-styled inch of it. My mother is flitting about adjusting decor and checking the menu so tonight’s family dinner is perfect.
