I pause to look back at him, “Snort?”
“Yes, you know,” he says and then he inhales and is he really going to—
He exhales through his mouth, leaving his cheeks lax, flopping his head back and forth violently, sounding, I must admit, exactly like a horse. I can’t help it, I laugh, hard.
“Did you really just…do that?” I gasp, doubled over and cackling.
He beams at me, “You’ve never heard a better impression of a horse snorting, admit it.”
“Are you going toneighnext?” I say.
“Don’t be preposterous, reindeer do not neigh…wait, do they?”
“I have no idea,” I say, wiping my eyes. “I do know that no normal person uses the word preposterous in casual conversation.”
He rolls his eyes, “Normal is overrated.”
“Uh huh,” I say, but the second syllable gets caught in my throat as he approaches me. His expression has gone dark, hungry. My insides melt at the sight.
“Listen,” he says in a low voice that he is absolutely wielding as a weapon of mass sexual destruction right now. “It’s after ten. I think you should just tuck yourself into my bed, that way I won’t have to come find you at 12:01am.”
I deflate, remembering. “About that…” He frowns. “No, I can still, we can…um, I can take care ofyouat 12:01.”
“What? I mean, yes, please do, but what do you mean?”
I wince, “It’s that time of the month for me.”
“Oh. And?”
“And I’m not having sex on my period.”
He cocks his head to the side, “You don’t want to? Or…”
“I mean, no? Right? What doyoumean?”
He puts his hands on my hips, casually, like we do this all the time, stand and talk about period sex in the kitchen. He’s been touching me all night long. Touches me all the time now. He hugs me hello, kisses my head. Kisses my mouth too, though hehas refrained from trying to make out while in public so far since we started swapping orgasms.
“Firstly, showers exist. As does shower sex. Second, do you have any toys? Surely you do.”
My eyebrows raise, “What makes you say that?”
“If I were a woman with a clitoris filled with nerve endings I would have a whole armoire of them.” I choke on the air trying to get to my lungs. He smirks but is genuinely confused. “What?”
“Do you ever just think thoughts andnotsay them? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a man even say the word clitoris.”
“Then you’re using the term man quite loosely, yeah? If he couldn’t say it he probably couldn’t locate it either.”
This gets a laugh from me and he squeezes my waist.
“So do you? Have any?”
“Yes, I have a vibrator.”
“Brilliant, grab it and meet me in my bed.”
“I’m not sleeping in your bed.”
“Did you miss the part where we eat snacks, watch television and you switch between ranting at the screen and making fun of me for the next,” he pauses to look at the microwave, “hour and forty-one minutes.”
