“Ryan, I changed my mind!”Celeste said with a sudden increase in volume, pressing on their boyfriend’s arm.“Go get me my own lava flow.Right now.Immediately.I’ll let you have the rest of this one.”
“What?Uh, okay.”Ryan frowned, allowing Celeste to cajole him away.
“I already opened a tab, have them put it under my name,” they called after him before rounding on Marin.“Pleasetell me Peanut isn’t a fiberglass squid.Is she someone from your past life?”
“Don’t pressure him,” Blake scolded Celeste.He then set a comforting hand on Marin’s shoulder.“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.I…” Marin frowned, touching his forehead.“Peanut Butter… I think…whoever she was, I… I think it was her nickname?”Marin pinched his eyes shut.“Peanut, Peanut… Goddammit, why can’t I remember?!”
“Here, let’s step outside for a minute,” Blake said, easing Marin away from the table.He nodded, allowing himself to be pulled along.Blake waved at Celeste who watched them go with a look of concern.
Blake and Marin stepped out of Weeki Wachee and back onto the streets of Lavender Heights.It had gotten more bustling since they’d first entered the bar.Outside, the crowds queuing to get into the clubs were growing thicker.Groups of people bar-hopping congested the rainbow-painted sidewalks.A pair of drag queens clacked brusquely by them, caught up in animated conversation.
Blake guided Marin over to a bench by a parking garage, where it was a little quieter.Marin sank down, pressing his face into his hands and scrubbing over his eyes in distress.Blake crouched in front of him, rubbing his knee.
“Doing all right?”he asked.Marin nodded.
“It’s easier to think out here,” he admitted.He huffed a frustrated sigh.“Peanut… I know she liked Scooby Doo so much, and Sailor Moon when she got older.Ryan assumed she was my sister, but why can’t I remember who she is to me?Or even what she looks like?If Idohave a sister, then shouldn’t I remember her?”
Blake’s heart lurched in his chest at the sight of Marin in so much pain.It was horrible.He couldn’t help but relate as the anonymous blur of his foster siblings’ faces struggled to coalesce in his mind’s eye.Under the onslaught of the different homes he’d been placed in and the years that had passed, the memories of countless people who had once mattered so much to him had been ground to mulch.To be left bereft of that sense of family—
Blake squeezed Marin’s knee.
“Do you want to talk?”
Marin nodded into his palms.Blake rose to his full height before sitting down next to him.
“I… I know it’s counterintuitive, but I think it might be difficult if you try and force it,” Blake said after Marin continued to be silent.“It’d be best to let it happen naturally, like before.I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Marin nodded, but it was stiff.
“Okay,” Blake nodded.“Do you want to get out of here?I could call one of the guys and see if they could give us a lift home.”
Marin shook his head.“No, I’m the one who asked to go out in the first place.It’s alright, I just need a minute to sit.”
“That’s fine by me,” Blake agreed.
They sat on the bench for a while, watching the people pass them by.Friends bummed cigarettes off of each other, laughed, and tripped their way up the street to the next bar on their crawl.
After a while Marin said, “I didn’t lie when I said I have an AA in art and art history.”
Blake turned to him, unsurprised given the breadth of knowledge that Marin had demonstrated at the museum earlier.“No?”
“It wasn’t from a college in Ottowa,” Marin told him.“I don’t remember where, but I remember going to classes.I never managed to go back for a bachelor’s degree, but I really wanted to.”He turned to Blake.“You have a BA in psychology, right?What got you into that?”
Blake puffed out a breath, burying his hands in his pockets despite the warm summer air.He leaned back and stared up at the blurry stars.
“Like I was saying yesterday, I was brought up in foster care,” he started.“My mom died of birth complications and my dad wasdeeplyinto drugs.Since all my grandparents died before I was born and my dad couldn’t get clean, I went into the system when I was four after the whole almost-drowning incident.
“Growing up I would help counsel a lot of my foster siblings,” he explained.“I don’t know how it started, but it sort of became a thing.
“Through that, I realized I really liked helping people, even if I’m never good at taking my own advice,” he said.“I’ve always tended to bottle up my feelings and over-compartmentalize, if I’m being honest.But I liked to be able to see others solve their problems and become stronger and better equipped for it.I did it a lot for my friends growing up, too.But…”
Blake trailed off and it was his turn to scrub his hand over his face.“I started making really stupid choices in middle school.After his mom died in a car accident, Matt got into a lot of trouble, so the rest of our friend group did, too.We cut class, smoked weed, vandalized property, all sorts of crap.By the time I was a sophomore in high school we were into some pretty deep shit.That was when Matt and I started dating.
“My foster dad Isko and my case manager Elise were really worried about me.I ended up getting arrested for vandalism and having to do a bunch of community service.I realized that I was causing them more trouble than I thought I was worth, and I… I had a bad summer that year, trust me.”Blake laughed without humor.
Marin reached out to steady him with a hand on his shoulder.
