My heart swelled so much I thought it might burst. How could Caz still make my stomach flutter, even when it was already tangled in knots?
“I don’t have it with me right now, but when it arrives tomorrow, I’d like to give it to you before I leave.”
Our eyes met, but the space between us felt unbearable. I closed the gap, wrapping my arms around Caz tightly. He was hope, light, and joy, and in that moment, I could hold it all in my hands. I rested my head against the curve of his neck as his arms pulled me closer.
“Take me with you,” I whispered so softly I wasn’t sure he could hear me.
Caz stiffened for a moment, as if uncertain he’d heard me right. But he understood enough. He pulled back slightly, cupping my face.
“Say that again?”
I leaned away just enough to see his expression. “Take me to the Academy, or wherever your next assignment brings you,” I said, thewords tumbling out. “I could be a scholar, just like you said. Or I could follow you anywhere your journey leads.” My fingers twisted together. “You once asked if I was ready to draw the world with you, and my answer is yes. All I want is to be with you, in whatever way that comes.”
A quiet settled between us, each second pressing against my pride and my heart.
“Odessa,” Caz said at last, his thumb and forefinger gently lifting my chin. “I need you to think carefully about what you’re saying. How certain are you about this?”
I held his gaze, steady in my conviction. “More certain than I’ve ever been about anything.”
“Odessa.” Caz let out a slow breath. “Is this really what you want?”
“Yes,” I said again. “It is.”
Caz ran a hand through his hair, his voice low when he spoke. “Of course you can come with me, Odessa. You’re extraordinary. Kind, strong, independent. You see the world with a depth that few do.” He took my hands in his. “But there are practicalities and limits to what I can offer you as a scholar. I’ve made a vow to the Academy. My life is shaped by the demands of my work. As a cartographer, I can’t give you the life you might want. I can’t offer you a home. I can’t offer you permanence. My life is one of constant motion, moving from one place to the next, staying in inns and temporary lodgings. I can’t ask you to live that way.”
I shook my head. “That doesn’t matter to me. I’d follow you anywhere. These last three months have been the happiest of my life. Believe me, the life you offer would be far better than what I have now.”
As I finished speaking, I reached for Caz. He pulled me close, and our lips met with the kind of desperation that came from knowing time was short. We held each other tightly, two hearts beating as one. Our faces were so close that our noses brushed, and I searched his eyes for reassurance, for the love that could comfort me.
Caz acquiesced, smiling that same bright smile and whispering sweetthings into my ear. He held me in his arms until the sun set, talking about the future. What our life might look like. The books we would read together. How hard I would have to study to earn my place at the Academy. All the places we would visit. When he would ask for my hand in marriage.
I saw the life we would live in rich color and clung to each of Caz’s words as if they were promises written in stone. And I knew then, whatever the future held, we would face it together.
25
Today,I would be leaving Brier Len.
I woke in the bed I had grown up in, wanting to spend my last few moments checking in on my mother and father, no matter the complicated feelings I had for them. They deserved that much.
Last night, my mother had been at the neighbor’s again, not returning until the early chimes of the morning. Now she slept peacefully, her small frame tucked under the blankets I had draped over her. My father was still slouched in his chair, snoring loudly. I couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t looked like that.
I glanced around the cottage, knowing it would soon no longer be the place I called home. In the kitchen, I tidied up the food I had brought back from the inn. Would my mother remember to eat?
A part of me struggled with the constant worry, with the care I still felt for her. But another voice reminded me that I was almost nineteen, of marrying age, and there was no reason I should be the one holding everything together. My father should never have sunk so low.
Maybe, if my mother had been happy, we could have been different. Something whole.
But I am who I am because of everything that has happened.
It’s not as though my story is unique. The lives we lead as skirtsfolk are a far cry from those of cityfolk, but within our own, it seems we all end up the same. Caz was the chance for a future I never thought possible. I would see more of the world than I had ever dreamed, build a family of my own, one filled with love, laughter, and joy. I would finally nurture that part of me that still held hope for something better. I would work harder than I ever had to earn a place at the Academy, to become someone others respected. My life would be mine, shaped by my actions and my choices.
I just needed to leave. To get away from Brier Len.
In the rucksack slung over my back, I packed everything I owned that was of any use. Two pairs of trousers and tunics, a simple dress, and the tin of coppers I had saved from my time at the inn. Sentiment wasn’t something I carried with me, and I didn’t feel the need to take anything that tied me to this place. I packed only what was necessary, the things I could use as I started fresh.
As I thought about leaving, a sadness pressed against my heart. But there was a stronger feeling that rose above it. There was a pull in my chest, telling me I was making the right decision.
Yesterday, Caz and I talked about our plan before we set off. I would say goodbye to my parents, tell Griffin, then we would be on our way. He asked if I needed him there with me, to help me through telling them I was leaving, but I knew I couldn’t do it with him there.
