But he supposed it was a kind of apology.Granted, a sad excuse for one, but her attempt nonetheless.And he suspected it was the only one he was going to get.
He dipped his head in acknowledgement.“You do not have to explain further.To save someone I care for, I suppose I would have done the same.”
The cold mask finally fell at that.But she was looking at him much too intently, as if trying to figure him out and confused by what she saw.To divert that damned all-seeing gaze of hers, he blurted, “You must have searched a fair amount of the club over the past week.”
She physically recoiled as if he had slapped her, her cheeks heating.“Yes.”
As he’d suspected.He had a vision of her then, sneaking about when no one was around, opening drawers and digging through cupboards.It was such a ridiculous image that if he’d been in any mood to laugh he would have.But he was the furthest thing from laughing in that moment.In fact, he rather thought he was much closer to crying.
But he was beginning to lose sight of the main purpose of all this, in that this whole, quite literal, affair had begun in an effort to save Miss Julia Marlow.Something he was determined to finish to make things right again.And perhaps, when it was completed and Heloise’s sister-in-law was saved—God willing, they could locate those damn jewels—he could leave Heloise and everything to do with her behind him.
He nodded.“Very well.Then I shall finish what you started.”
Eyes wide, she took a step forward.“I can help—”
He took two steps back to her one, holding up a hand.No.God, no, he could not spend any more time with her than absolutely necessary.This right here was hard enough as it was.All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and beg her to see him as a man and not as the means to an end.
There was a flash of pain in her eyes that she quickly covered up.Was she hurt at his refusal?And why did that small tell make him yearn for her even more than before?
“I can handle that myself,” he said.“But you must know that there is a very good chance the jewels are not within the club.Everyone else affiliated with Dionysus has their own homes separate from it, you know.The logical place to conceal them would be off-site.”
Composed once more, she retreated a step and nodded, hands now clasped in front of her as if holding herself back from advancing again.“I had considered that.Butnot knowing who might be responsible, I had to limit my search to Dionysus alone.Did your conversation with Julia give you any insight into who the perpetrator might be?”
He ran a hand through his hair in agitation.“No.I had hoped it might, but as yet I don’t have a clue who it is.”
“I had feared as much.”She chewed at her lip before, giving him a cautious glance, she took a deep breath, as if bracing herself for something unpleasant.“But now that we have your assistance, we may be able to flush out the perpetrator.”
He stilled.“Flush them out?”
“Yes.”She cleared her throat, looking toward the open door as if seeking assistance.When none came, she faced him once more, expression resigned.“We believe that if we cause a diversion the night of the masquerade, it’s quite possible the villain at the center of all this will show himself.”
A diversion.He saw it then, how Lady Vastkern and Mrs.Finch and Heloise all had their places in Dionysus.And, no doubt, the other widows they resided with were in on it, too.A realization hit him then, like a punch to the gut.“You have been planning a diversion for the night of the masquerade from the beginning, haven’t you?”
She nodded, but did not meet his eyes.“It was always our plan if the jewels could not be located in time.Though it will be significantly easier having you assist us.”
She tensed, as if bracing herself for an outburst.No doubt she expected him to lash out in fury that they had been planning to use the masquerade and boxing match to infiltrate his club and do God knew what manner of damage.
But though he knew he would have reacted thus just a week past, now he felt only a sad resignation that it had to come to this.
“Very well,” he said.“Please let me know what I may do to assist in any way I can.”
She sucked in a sharp breath, her shock palpable as she met his gaze.“Why are you being so kind?”
The question took him aback, and not only because this was the first truly vulnerable moment she had shown him since the heartbreak of the day before.Shaken, he was tempted to shrug her off.But there was something almost like pain in the question, as if it grieved her that he could be kind to her.It made him pause, that pain, and give her question much more thought than he normally would have allotted it.And he found he was as surprised by his response to her as she was.Normally deception, especially to such a degree, would be an unforgivable sin to him, and he would have been glad to rain down fire and brimstone on anyone responsible.
Yet looking in her eyes, seeing the emotion she was trying so damn hard to conceal, all he wanted to do was hold her.
He swallowed hard, trying his best to find a reason that was not tears for the burning behind his eyes.“After these past weeks, did you think me a monster?”he finally asked quietly.
“No,” she replied, voice hoarse, arms snaking about her middle.“No, I never thought you a monster.”
He gave a humorless chuckle.“I suppose I should be content with that.”Then, because he could not stand there a moment longer without betraying his heart in the process, he dipped his head and strode from the room.
26
The echo of the front door closing had not faded before Heloise crumpled to the ground.Ah God, what had she done?
She had expected Ethan’s coldness, his anger.She had been so certain their first confrontation alone would be filled with yelling and recriminations and bitter words wielded like swords to wound in the most brutal way possible.It was what she deserved, after all.
