It didn’t take Heloise long to figure the answer to that last question, however.It quickly became apparent that her anger was not directed at Ethan at all, but rather solely and firmly at herself.And every single self-recrimination she had tried so hard to smother since the previous morning came crashing over her head, a powerful wave that stole the very breath from her lungs.Had she done all she had to save Julia?Yes.But in the process, she had used and manipulated Ethan.Worse, she had played to his emotions and hurt him dreadfully.After all he had endured over the years, it was an unforgivable sin on her part.
But his emotions had not been the only ones involved, had they?It was one thing to feel guilt over what she had done.It was quite another thing, however, to experience this bone-deep grief.The very idea that she had hurt him when he had already been through so much was like a knife to her heart.And it was then she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she had fallen in love with him.
She sucked in a sharp breath as that realization slid into place like a key in a lock.Ethan and Julia glanced at her sharply.
“Heloise,” Julia said, placing a hand over hers, brows drawn together in concern, “is something wrong?”
“What?Oh!No, I’m fine.”She tried for a smile, but it trembled on her lips.“Please, don’t mind me.You were saying?”
Julia’s concerned frown turned to one of puzzlement.“We were just finishing.Mr.Sinclaire,” she continued, rising and holding her hand out to him, “thank you for everything.”
“It’s the least I can do,” he murmured, standing and taking her hand in his.
Julia smiled and dipped into a shallow curtsy.“I’ll be off, then.Heloise, I shall see you later?”Then she was gone.Leaving Heloise and Ethan quite alone.
Which was when Heloise realized this was the first moment they had been alone together since learning the truth about one another—and since she’d realized she was in love with him.Any hope that she could face him without bursting into tears was thrown right out the window when she glanced at him and felt that new and painful twisting in the region of her heart.Did it hurt her pride that she couldn’t even remain in the same room with him without making an utter cake of herself?Yes.But such was her need to escapethat she didn’t care.
“Well, then,” she said, perhaps a touch too loudly.“I do hope that helped.I’ve much to do; I’m certain you won’t mind if I don’t show you out.”With that she made a beeline for the door.
Ethan’s voice, however, stopped her cold.
“I think,” he said softly, quietly, “that you owe me some kind of explanation, Heloise.”
She might have been able to ignore him and continue on her way—if he hadn’t used her name.His speaking something she had not thought to hear from his lips again had her feet faltering on the plush carpet.The draw of him too great, she took a deep breath and, steeling herself for the conversation to come, turned to face him.
By God, his chest ached just looking at her.
She appeared almost defiant as she faced him, hands bunched into white-knuckled fists at her sides, chin lifted ever so slightly.A day ago it would have infuriated him, that seeming unconcern for what she had done to him.
But his fury had not lasted long.In fact, it had already begun to transform by the time he’d left this house the morning before.How could it not, after he’d learned why she had done what she’d done?How could he blame her for trying to save her sister-in-law, the relationship making her sacrifice all the more desperate?
Sacrifice.The word left a bitter taste in his mouth.But why else would someone like her wish to bed someone like him?He had been pursued for the thrill of sleeping with someone of crude origins before, and he had not minded then.Or, at least, not minded much.It had been purely physical, without emotion, a mutual fulfilling of a need,however base.
But with Heloise, it had been more than that.So much more.It had not begun as such, of course.Then, he’d been certain she was up to something, that she was somehow connected to the swirling rumors about his club—and it tore at his heart now, seeing just how right he had been, that his instincts had been correct, as much as he wished now he had been wrong.
Their intimate moments, however, had quickly developed into a deep, emotional connection.For him at least, he thought bitterly as he gazed at her.Had she truly not been affected?Had it really been just the means to an end?
And did he really want to know if it had?
“I would think,” she said, blessedly oblivious to the torturous thoughts decimating his insides, “you could have guessed my motives by now.”
Either she was saving herself the effort of explaining the obvious, or she was saving him the pain of hearing the full, raw truth.It would be an easy thing to decamp, to take the out she was giving him.God knew it would prevent the mountain of grief that would come with the answering of his question.
But apparently he was more of a glutton for punishment than he’d ever suspected.
“I think I deserve to hear from your lips the whole truth.”
She looked at him a long, tense moment, lips pressed tight, as if debating if she should acquiesce to his request.Finally she nodded, a sharp thing.“Very well,” she bit out.“I could see no other way around it.I need to save Julia, and to do that, I need to locate those jewels.The only option I saw was to gain access to your club.But acting as Laney’s manager only got me so far.And so I…” Her voice faltered before she lifted her chin and continued, the words spillingfrom her lips as though she needed to expel them from her body with force.“I seduced you to gain access to portions of the club I could not otherwise.”
It should not have hurt as much as it did to hear that.He’d known it was the truth, after all, that she had used him to access the club and find those blasted jewels.
Even so, the depth of the pain had him nearly gasping for breath.It was by sheer will alone that he kept himself still, kept his face impassive, kept his chest from caving in.
“I… see.”He swallowed hard at the lump in his throat, but it didn’t budge, only lodging more firmly in place.“Thank you for being so blunt.”
Finally a reaction as she flinched.Her hands were not just balled into fists now.They had taken hold of her skirts and were doing their best to strangle the cloth.“It was not a decision made lightly,” she said.
He nearly laughed at that.As if the fact that she had agonized over seducing him would ease the pain.If anything, it only hurt more, knowing his suspicions that she had sacrificed herself in his bed were true.
