She sucked in a breath.
“I’ve tried to fight my feelings because you’re not the only one who’s scared.” He stared at the pavement in front of him, barely illuminated by the glow of the porch light. “Sabrina messed me up, and I’m terrified to put myself in a position of potentially getting hurt again. And I don’t want the girls to suffer anymore. But despite all the reasons I’ve told myself not to, I am falling in love with you. And being with you, I feel … calm, like everything will be okay.”
Silence stretched between them, and Christian wondered what was going through her mind. Had he said too much?
Finally, she turned one of her hands palm up, weaving their fingers together. “The last thing I want to do is hurt any of you. That’s why I feel so conflicted. Selfish even.”
He pushed out a dry laugh. “You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met.”
Her mouth lifted. “I’m serious. I want to do the right thing, and I’m not saying I’ll never get to a point where I’m ready to be their mom. But I feel like if I don’t end this now, it’ll be a hundred times worse for everyone down the road if I realize I can’t get there.”
An ache lodged in Christian’s chest, the familiar beginnings of his heart shredding apart.
Hallie tugged on his arm until he looked at her. Tears hung in her long lashes. “But the idea of walking away from you hurts me more than anything.”
Yeah, he understood that completely. “Where does that leave us?”
She blinked at the moisture, and a tear trickled down her cheek. “I don’t know.”
Neither did he. So he did the only thing he could think of. Sliding an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her toward him until she relaxed her head on his shoulder. They sat that way for several silent moments, processing the conversation.
Hallie’s fears made complete sense, despite amplifying his own. He wanted to be with her, but she was right. If she couldn’t get to a point of being ready to be Isla and Penelope’s mom, pursuing a relationship now wouldn’t be wise.
But the girls already adored Hallie. She’d become entwined in their lives so naturally that even backing out tonight wouldn’t save them from collateral damage.
How was he supposed to proceed with that?
“I guess the only thing we can do is be honest with each other,” he said, answering his silent question. “Our feelings are out in the open, so we’re already in too deep to prevent any of us from getting hurt.”
She nodded against his shoulder. “That’s true. Cassie told me tonight that it’s okay to be cautiously hopeful.”
“I like that.” He lifted her chin so she could meet his eyes. “I’m willing to try if you are.”
She studied him, and he couldn’t begin to read the expression on her face. “You want to give us a shot?”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
For a moment, he worried she might refuse. Then her whole body relaxed with an exhale. “Me too. But we have to be honest with each other about how we’re feeling. The minute something changes.”
“Agreed. No more guessing.”
“Okay.” She furrowed her brows in concern. “What should we tell the girls.”
Whatshouldthey tell them? If this thing with Hallie didn’t last, they’d be crushed even more than if she just left as their nanny.
“Maybe we shouldn’t say anything. At least not yet. I think it’s best if we just feel this out for now.” He eyed her apologetically. “Which means we should probably keep the PDA to a minimum.”
She bobbed her head in agreement. “That’s wise. No PDA in front of the children. Which means you have to stop dancing in front of me.”
Christian choked on a laugh. “Why?”
She shrugged. “I guess I can’t resist a man who can dance. Especially if he’s in a certain sequined body suit like the one you wore in one of the videos I watched on YouTube.” Her whole face scrunched toward her nose, a clear sign she hadn’t meant to add that last part.
“I knew it!” His mouth stretched into a wide grin. She’d known way too much about his college ballroom career to not have snooped around. “Wait,oneof them? How many did you watch.”
Hallie covered her face with her hands, shaking her head violently. Her cheeks were flaming red when she peered up at him. “All of them,” she squeaked, squinting one eye.
He barked out a laugh, and she smacked his arm with the back of her hand.
