Yeah, remember the girls.If she kept them firmly in mind, perhaps she’d finally convince herself that dating Christian could never work. She wasn’t ready to step in as a mother figure. Babysitting them, sure. Once she’d warmed up to the idea, she actually had fun today. But watching them for a few hours was a lot different than bearing the responsibility of raising them.
He sighed. “Sometimes it’s really hard not to be resentful towards my ex.”
Whoa, they were treading into heavy topics now. Hallie took in the twitching of his jaw, the way his nostrils flared.
“What happened?” She winced. That question had to be crossing some serious boundaries. “Don’t answer that. It’s none of my business.”
He didn’t look at her. His Adam’s apple bobbed slowly as he swallowed. “She left.”
“What?” Something cracked inside Hallie’s heart at the strangled way he said it.
A pained expression crossed his face when he looked at her. “She dropped the girls off at daycare one day and never came back. When I got home from work, her things were gone, and there was a note.” He jabbed a finger toward the center of the table. “Right there.”
“What did it say?”
A bitter edge caressed his laugh. “Not much. Basically, that she deserved more out of life and needed to go find herself. Maybe I should’ve seen it coming. She always blamed me for everything. But I didn’t realize she could be so … selfish. I mean, Nellie was only six weeks old. I haven’t heard from her since.”
Hallie brought a hand to her mouth, as though that would ease the tightening in her chest. She could feel the devastation he must have felt discovering his wife’s abandonment and knowing he’d have to hold it together for his kids. How traumatizing.
Christian kept his focus on the tabletop in front of him. “We’d planned to wait for several years before having children. We were just kids ourselves. But birth control isn’t one hundred percent effective. Keep that in mind when … you know.”
“Maybe you should remember to mention that when it comes time to give your girlsthe talk,”Hallie said to cover up the blush traveling up her neck.
He winced, pushing out a breathy laugh as he shook his head. “Why’d you have to bringthatup? I can’t even cope with the idea of handling their first periods.”
Well, this conversation had certainly taken an unexpected turn. Of all the topics she’d imagined discussing with him, menstrual cycles weren’t on the list. Yet their shared laughter, though subdued, managed to cut through the heaviness entrapping the room, an oddly peaceful calm replacing it. The calm that came when friends shared their burdens.
Friends. That sounded nice. Regardless of his off-limits dating status, she couldn’t deny wanting him in her life.
“I didn’t want to be a father at twenty-one.” His smile dropped. “But it’s the way my life turned out. And I still can’t grasp why Sabrina would just take off like that.”
Wait. Hallie recognized that name. “Sabrina. Your dance partner?”
Christian shot an alarmed glance her way. “How’d you know?”
Whoops. She hadn’t meant to let that comment slip. And nowwasn’t a good time to admit she’d spent the entire afternoon stalking him on the internet. She shook her head. “You’re still angry with her.”
Thankfully, Christian didn’t press for an explanation. “It’s been three years, and I can’t let it go. And despite that anger, I keep running in circles, wondering if I could’ve done more to fix our marriage. That maybe I drove her away somehow.”
His words came faster, as if his brain literally ran in circles as he spoke.
“Or what if we hadn’t eloped? What if I’d insisted on waiting a couple years like my gut was telling me. Maybe I never would’ve married her in the first place. But I thought I loved her.” He dropped his head into his hands. “Now I don’t know what love is. Or if it even exists.”
Against her better judgement, Hallie placed a hand on his knee. “Of course it does. You love your daughters. Anyone around you can feel that.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
He didn’t answer. “I regret so much of my marriage, of my relationship with her.” He dragged his head from side-to-side. “But Ican’tregret my girls. They mean everything to me.”
Hallie rubbed her nose with the back of her hand, willing her eyes to contain their moisture. A tear slipped down her cheek anyway, though she didn’t notice until the salty taste reached her top lip. Why was she crying? Was it because her chest quite literally ached for him and the trauma he’d been through? Or was a little bit of her heart breaking, realizing this man she couldn’t forget about was so emotionally out of reach?
He didn’t believe in love?
Tyler had warned her that Christian wasn’t ready to get involved with anyone. His concern made complete sense now, though she was in too deep to listen to that advice.
Rising from her chair, she stepped to Christian, wrapping her arms around him from behind. At first, he didn’t move. He seemed frozen; in shock or indecision, she didn’t know. Then slowly, hepushed back his chair. No words were spoken as he got to his feet and returned her hug.
