“But Calan read it in the book,” Emma said.
Regina raised an eyebrow at me, pinning me with a look. It took everything not to squirm under her gaze. “They let you read?”
“No. I solicited the help of someone else.”
I caught the look on Emma’s face. She looked shell shocked. “You can’t read?”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Ishook my head. “No, it was not my place.”
Emma sat up straighter, her elbows locked as her hands gripped the side of the straw cot. “But I saw you read.” Her eyes moved away from mine, searching the tree house wall as if trying to call up a specific memory. When she grabbed the information she needed, she looked back at me. “You read at the diner, when you ordered food.”
I slowly shook my head. “I learned quickly in my travels that most establishments carry vegetables and proteins, so I know what to ask for depending on the region.”
Emma stared at me, her jaw slack in horrified awe over the fact I was illiterate. Shame buzzed uncomfortably in my forehead and made my chest tight with anxiety.
Regina explained to Emma. “The order of Luxis is the only Order that created its own army. It’s better if they don’t teach their soldiers to think for themselves.”
The corners of my mouth tightened. The way she described me with such little regard angered me, but I couldn’t disagree with her assessment now that I knew the truth.
Emma reared back. “How many Chevalier are there?”
My parents looked to me for the answers. I struggled to respond. It felt like a betrayal to number the Chevalier in case the agents of Veritas sought to destroy us. I firmly reminded myself the Luxis were not worth protecting, and I was no longer of their ilk. They lied to my brothers, as well as me. We were innocents. The concept I was an innocent, not a soulless monster, was still almost impossible to reconcile. “Last I connected with my brothers there were still five of us. Though I would not be informed if one of them had perished in battle, unless we were all gathered at the Temple.”
“Army, huh?” Emma rose her eyebrows at my parents. They too seemed surprised by the answer.
“Do not underestimate them,” Phillip cautioned. “There may only be five, but their belief and their will is molded to be single-minded. They believe more devoutly in the mission than any member of the Order, even more than their Masters.” The word Masters rolled off his tongue as if the word were made of poison.
“Single-minded fanatics,” Regina said. Then she looked at me, guilt pulling on her face in an awkward way. “No offense, my son.”
I tried to brush off her continued objective description of myself and my brothers, but it still crawled under my skin. That’s what I was to everyone else. A mindless fanatic.
Phillip rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said to Emma, “I suppose you could consider them to be like one of your military’s special forces, but a force unto themselves. It is their unerring belief in their Order that gives them the power of fifty times what we access.” He gestured to Regina and himself. “It is why Luxis has maintained its position as the most powerful Order.”
I brought the conversation back to relevance, no longer wanting the talk about myself as if I weren’t present to continue. “I had Travis read for the book me, and indeed he confirmed the Propheros must sacrifice herself to save us from the coming darkness. When the night sky becomes ill, we shall know the time has come. Where the earth breaks, the dark lord shall journey in a fortnight’s time to set foot upon the dirt of the earth.”
Phillip walked over to his wife and put a hand on her shoulder. “What you read, I mean, what your friend read, is not the sacred text.”
“Yes, it was. I can verify…”
Regina cut me off, “No, he means that it couldn’t have been the sacred text because the great sacred text was destroyed centuries ago. Ages ago, there were five men who studied and interpreted the great text but when a fire swallowed the original book up, the men separated with their interpretations, unable to agree on anything with the original text gone. They formed the five Orders. I wouldn’t be surprised if the version you read isn’t even a more recent iteration of that interpretation, especially if your friend was able to read it.”
“So I don’t have to die?” Emma asked, hope lighting her voice.
I couldn’t help but revel in the warm bristle of hope in my chest, as well.
Phillip’s grip tightened on Regina’s shoulder. “On the contrary, it is with your life that the darkness shall be defeated. Not your death.”
Emma nodded to herself, thinking it over. “Okay sure, still a lot of pressure, saving the entire freaking world and all that jazz, but it can’t be so bad if I get to live.” She gave me a crooked smile.
I tried to return it, but it felt false and unnatural on my lips. Something didn’t feel right. Maybe it was having my faith torn from my body, though my soul, or at least the idea of my soul, had been returned to me. All I wanted to do was whisk Emma far and away out of harm, where the two of us could sit and dine on a blanket like in my fantasy. I could kiss and explore her beautiful body, disappearing into her while becoming alive.
“Son,” Phillip said, ripping me from my fantasy. “You shall work with us. You shall return to the fold of the Veritas and work against those who deceived you for so long.” As he spoke of the Luxis, his eyes darkened.
I was distrustful after all I’d learned, and it compelled me to turn down Phillip’s proposition. But I reminded myself that I should not separate myself from others with judgment, that is how I separated from the Light.
Cold realization sliced through my conditioned response.
