Letting go of the handle, my hands danced over his biceps. I wanted to memorize every inch of him in case all of this ended tonight. If I never got another chance to do this with him, I’d brand it in my memories and burn it into my brain.
Regardless of what tomorrow held, tonight was one of the best nights of my life.
When he pulled away, I could have sworn his cheeks were tinged pink.
“I just had to do that one more time,” he said, his voice quiet. He brushed his thumb along my jaw, sending sparks skittering over my skin, and I fought to catch my breath. “Goodnight, cielito.”
He turned and walked away with his hands in his pockets, and I watched him go. When he disappeared into the darkness, I closed the bus door behind me and climbed the stairs as quietly as possible.
Each of my movements was entirely too loud, and I cringed with every footstep. The rest of the clowns were asleep, their privacy curtains drawn. My bunk was the only one exposed, the dark curtain gaping open in welcome invitation for me to crash for the night, but there were still things I needed to do.
I needed to shower and take my suppressants. I was pretty sure neither of those could wait until morning, considering how much I’d sweat at the club.
As I slowly made my way down the aisle, the scent of caramel-covered popcorn wrapped around me, making my head swim. I paused in front of Zero’s bunk, taking slow, deep breaths and letting the scent fill me. It was intoxicating, the way it affected me, and it wasn’t fair.
How could a fucking asshole like him smell so good?
How couldhebe my scent match?
I knew Daze was a beta, but why couldn’t I match with someone sweet like him instead? Someone who didn’t want to use me as a live target for knife practice.
I glared at Zero’s curtain, angry curiosity burning in my stomach. My omega instincts were going crazy, begging me to get closer, the way they did anytime the psychotic clown was near. It would have been easy, so easy, to reach out and drag open his curtain to get another glimpse of him. To engulf myself in the scent that was surely drenching his bed.
If he was sleeping, he probably wouldn’t even notice, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. The thought of his hateful gaze and that wicked smile kept me rooted to the spot.
It was probably for the best that I left him the fuck alone. Maybe when he wasn’t on the bus, I could bury my face in his pillow and breathe him in to my heart’s content. That ought to sate my omega instincts, for a while anyway.
Shaking my head to clear it, I tore my eyes away from Zero’s bunk. Exhaustion weighed my bones down, making them feel impossibly heavy. I needed to hurry up and get my stuff done, so I could crawl into bed.
Bobbitt hadn’t mentioned anything about a shower curfew, so I tiptoed to my cabinet and grabbed my backpack. Someone—probably Bobbitt—had stuck even more clothes on one of the shelves. Neatly folded stacks of leggings and shirts were waiting for me, and I smiled appreciatively.
I grabbed an outfit, praying it fit, and quietly made my way toward the back of the bus where the bathroom was. The door clicked closed softly behind me, and I shucked off my vibrant circus attire. Various scents from the nightclub clung to the clothes, including a bit of strawberry margarita I’d spilled on the pants.
I quickly scrubbed myself in the shower and dressed in a pair of navy leggings and a T-shirt that read ‘The Hole is My Goal’ with a putter and a golf ball beneath it. With a snicker, I rummaged through my backpack, pulling out everything until I got to the suppressants at the bottom.
My chest clenched, even though there was no one around to see them. With troupe members so close, and me having the illegal drugs out in the open, it kicked my anxiety into overdrive.
I’ll be extra quick.
There were several white boxes, a little worse for wear from being tossed around, lined neatly on the bottom of thebag. Inside were hundreds of encapsulated white pills. I had thought about popping them all out and putting them in a giant unlabeled pill bottle—at least that way, they wouldn’t have the drug information printed on them—but I worried about them losing their potency once they were opened.
I wasn’t a chemist or a pharmacy technician, and it wasn’t like I could ask anyone without ratting myself out. I also couldn’t risk them not working anymore, not when so much was at stake.
My entire life hinged on the suppressants doing their job.
If the opportunity ever arose, and I found myself on the end of another back-alley deal, I could find out. But my mother had been extra careful about keeping information hidden from me. I had no idea where she even got them, just that she did.
Popping out one of the pills, I tossed it in my mouth and swallowed. After taking them once a day for the last three years, it was muscle memory at this point. I opened the box, popped the pill, and tucked everything perfectly back into the bag. Once the suppressants were buried again, I zipped up the backpack.
When they were out of sight, I could breathe a little easier.
After making sure the bathroom was tidy, the way I found it, I grabbed the door handle and pulled open the door, nearly running straight into someone waiting on the other side.
“I thought you ran away, little pet.” The whisper had chills crawling up my spine.
I looked up to find a disgruntled looking Zero staring back at me. Caramel popcorn slammed into me, stuffing down my throat and filling my lungs. His face was free of paint, his white hair a disheveled mess, and his golden eyes were locked on me. He was in a T-shirt and basketball shorts, looking like a normal dude. If I didn’t know exactly how insane he was, I would have almost thought he looked approachable.
“Sorry to disappoint,” I hissed. “You’re in my way.”
