CHAPTER NINETEEN
DAZE
This was a terrible idea.
Night was going to lose his shit if he found out I brought Arina back to our trailer, but I needed a shirt if we were going out to eat. And preferably some decent shoes. The sandals I wore wouldn’t cut it if we were walking the downtown streets of Dallas.
I wished I had time to take a shower for Arina’s sake, but I didn’t want to risk Night showing up while she was there. He’d be pissed, even if he had little right to be, and I didn’t want to fight.
I wanted to relax and eat, maybe see some of the city before I crashed. Mostly, I didn’t want him to ruin my good mood.
Questions flitted in and out of my mind. I hadn’t seen Arina since her target practice with Zero, and I wanted to pick her brain. Bobbitt had shown her the clown bus and obviously found her an outfit, but I wanted to know if they’d gossiped about the rest of the troupe members before rehearsal.
What had Bobbitt told her about them? Aboutme?
“If it makes you feel better, I’ll wear my sparkly pants,” I offered as we left the event center. The sun was long set, but the parking lot was lit by several streetlights and a mostly full moon.
The corner of her mouth lifted in a smirk, her gaze bouncing between our outfits. She was still clutching the balloon animal Bobbitt made for her, which was adorable. If she only knew how many more she’d get now that she was part of the crew…
I personally was sick of them, but I’d never tell Bobbitt that.
“We’ll probably get interesting looks,” she said softly.
“You’re gonna have to get used to that.” I laughed. “You’re in the circus now. You’ll be getting interesting looks all the time.”
I expected her to chuckle or make a smart-ass remark, but she fell silent instead.
Damn.Did I upset her?
It seemed like everything I did when it came to Arina was wrong somehow. It left me puzzled because I’d never had this problem before. Granted, the person I spent the most time with was always angry and rarely responded to anything I said, but I talked to other troupe members. I talked to women.
Why did it feel like I was constantly putting my foot in my mouth when Arina was around? And why did I care so much?
“We don’t have to go anywhere,” I offered. “I can have food delivered…”
She shook her head and tucked a stray bit of brown hair behind her ear. “No, that’s not it. I want to go… it’s just new for me.” She paused like she was trying to choose her words carefully. “It’s been years since I got to do anything fun. I know I ran away and all, but I’m still getting used to freedom.”
Freedom.My steps faltered, but I tried to cover it up.
Arina was clearly running from a dark past, but I didn’t want to press her for information she wasn’t inclined to share. I would be there when she was ready to open up, if ever.
In the meantime, all I could do was help her enjoy her freedom from the shackles of her old life. I’d be a distraction, which was what we both needed.
“Are you excited?” I asked, eager to change the subject and lift her mood. “About performing tomorrow night?”
“Nerv-cited.” She laughed once. “Wondering if I really have what it takes. Wishing I had more time to rehearse before I get thrown in front of an audience.”
This time I stopped, and she followed suit. Her eyes were wide with confusion as she looked up at me.
“You have what it takes.” The reassurance came out more forcefully than I intended, but I needed her to believe me. Hallow saw something in her, otherwise she wouldn’t have even made it to target practice with Zero. It was probably the same thing I’d seen from the moment I met her. There was a fire inside her, ready to be honed, begging to be unleashed. “Nerves are normal.”
“But what if I mess up?”
“No one gets on stage for the first time knowing everything,” I explained. “But I promise Hallow wouldn’t let you perform if they didn’t think you were ready.”
My eyes caught on her mouth when it twitched to the side, and I forced my gaze up to hers again. This wasn’t the time or the place to be paying attention to her lips, no matter how perfect and pouty they were, but being this close to her did funny things to me.
I tried to tell myself it was because we’d just met. It was because I hadn’t acclimated to her. That it had been so long since someone new had come into the circus, I’d forgotten how to behave around strangers. But I knew better.
