“But you always—” His callused fingers pressed against my lips to silence me gently.
“Ihateblue Gatorade.” He rasped. “The day you twisted your ankle on the soccer field and your team lost the game—you looked like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it was so small, but I knew you loved yellow, so I gave you mine.”
“You practically begged me for my blue one.” My eyes glassed over. “And you kept up that ruse for years? Why?”
“Because I never wanted you to feel like you were being a burden—you’ve always shouldered too much, felt too much, worried too much, and I wanted you to have what you needed without feeling guilty about it—without you having to ask for it first. I knew if I ever took a yellow in front of you again, my good deed would unravel, and I couldn’t have that. Couldn’t have you feeling bad, because I think, even then, I knew I loved you. Sarafina, I’vealwayscared about whatyouneed. Maybe I’m not the best at showing it, but it’s always on my mind. Making you happy. Keeping you safe.”
“When we were in that room.” I started my throat nearly closing up, and Carter’s gaze softened in immediate understanding. “I thought you were dead.” He pressed closer, thumbs brushing the tears from my cheeks again and again. “FordaysIthought you were dead.” My shoulders shook, voice cracked. “Carter—I watched him beat you within an inch of your life. Why did you do that?” I demanded angrily. “Why did you do that forme?”
“To keep you alive,” he murmured gently. “I’d do it all over again too. I’ll always do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
I rested my forehead against his chest, burying myself in his scent, his warmth, his familiarity. “He shot yousomany times—how?” I cried against his heart, wondering how it wasn’t filled with holes. “I watched you bleed out on the floor—you weredying.”
He cradled my head. “I had my vest on sweetheart.”
“I didn’t know. I thought—for days I thought you were—” My voice cracked as I sobbed against him.
“I know.” He held me so gently. “I’m so sorry.”
“That’s twice now you’ve almost died on me.” I finally looked up at him through blurry eyes. “That’s twice now I’ve had to stand by, watching you teeter on the brink of death, your beautiful face all black and blue.” I cupped his face gently. “Even when you pushed me away, Ineverstopped loving you, and then I had to watch them hurt you, Carter.”I was so angry at him for it too, at everything.
A tear slipped down his cheek. “How do you think I felt? Watching himhityou, threaten to do those awful things to you, Sara—I’ve never felt more helpless or powerless in my life. He was hurting you, and I couldn’t get to you.” His eyes shuttered.
“Ican’tlose you, Carter. Not ever again.” I cried desperately.
“You won’t. You’re the only one there has ever been for me, and the only one there will ever be.”
His body was so comforting, so warm, soaliveright in front of me, and as I gazed into those soft brown eyes, feeling like I was finally home again—I pushed forward that last little breath.
Maybe it was me, maybe it was him, but the moment our lips touched we were frantic. It wasn’t one of those perfect kisses, it was desperate. Teeth clashing, moaning, hands everywhere. Aquestion and answer over and over again. Confirmation that we were both alive, that this was real.
“Say you’ll marry me.” Carter groaned between kisses.
“No,” I whimpered as his warm fingers slid up under my shirt, being careful of my injury.
“We’re inevitable.” He moaned into my mouth. Cocky bastard. He might be right, though.
I broke the kiss, pushing him back, and he let me. “This is crazy.” I said, wide eyed. “You’re crazy.” Love was one thing—marriage another thing entirely.
“Why?” he demanded, scrubbing a hand over his stubble. “Because I know what I want?”
“Do you know what you want?” I demanded. “What about that fucking blonde you were kissing? Blondes havealwaysbeen your type.” Lest we all forget that damning little detail. Fuck. There went that damn string swinging away once again.
“Sarafina, sweetheart—why the hell do you think I always went for blondes?” He practically begged.
“Because you look picture-perfect with them.” I gritted, hating how inferior that made me feel.
“No!” He rasped incredulously, as if I’d completely missed the point. “I’ve been so in love with you for so fucking long, and when I couldn’t have you, I literally couldn’t bear to be with anyone that looked even remotely like you—it was too damn painful.” I swallowed hard at the confession, slowly realizing the truth of it. “And that stupid photo—I thought making it look like I’d moved on would keep you out of the crossfire. You were right. Itwasa PR stunt to throw off that goddamn organization, a fake date, and she yanked me down for an unplanned kiss the moment the cameras started flashing.” He shook his head, eyes shuttering. “I would never have intentionally done that to you. I swear, I pushed her away the second it happened, but as you know, a picture is worth a thousand words.” I realized he still didn’t know how intimately I knew the truth of that statement, and my shoulders sagged with immediate understanding. “I already bought outthe news outlets. That photo is long gone.” He promised. “I’m so, so sorry I let you believe it was anything more than that.” He begged, “You’d already seen it, and I was desperate to keep you safe, so I let you believe what you wanted to. Please say you believe me, if I lose you, I’m begging you, don’t let it be over something I had no control over,please.” He was gasping, begging, panicked.
I believed him, yes, but that still didn’t change how insane this all was. “Well, that might be true, but you can’t just ask me to marry you, Carter!” I threw my hands up. “This is ridiculous. I mean, we’re like freaking trauma bonded now—or something.” The urge to cry suddenly hit me again, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe as I raced for the door, desperate for a breath of fresh air.
I felt so hopeful and simultaneously terrified as I felt him come up behind me. “I don’t do divorce.” I announced as I turned, not entirely sure why I was confessing that.
His eyes sparked alive and hopeful as they danced between mine. “Me neither.”
“This is not how this is supposed to go.” I waved my hand through the balmy morning air. “You’re supposed to have a ring and get on your knees.” I laughed, wiping my eyes. “Come on, Prince Charming, this is a mess. Right?”
“I just crawled for you, and I’ll do it again with a diamond ring between my teeth if that’s what you want.” Victory gleamed in his eyes.
