“No, you shouldn’t have.” I agreed, knowing I was letting the door of my heart open a teeny, tiny, little crack. Was that a mistake? I had no idea.
Earnest hunger painted his expression as he promised, “I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Crawl.” I demanded softly, and his eyes went hopeful and then wicked.
Slowly, deviously, he crawled across the room, and I suddenly realized he was coming straight towards me—there was no escape in this tiny cottage as he arrived, panting at my feet.
“Will you take me back, baby?” He begged. “Will you give a stupid, stupid man a second chance he definitelydoesn’t deserve?” He bracketed the wall on either side of my legs as he slowly rose to his knees, eyes pleading from beneath dark lashes.
My body was humming with the answer, but I was too prideful to say it. “I don’t know.” I bit out softly.
He slowly, carefully, rose to stand, hands sliding up the wall on either side of me until his face was looming over mine, just a breath away—too close to even think straight. “Just say the word and I’m yours forever.” He murmured, “Just say the word and I’ll burn the world down for you—or paint it in rainbows and unicorns. I don’t care. I’ll do whatever you need me to. My life is yours to command, and my heart is yours to love.”
I wanted himsodamn badly, but I couldn’t—as easy as it would be to snap my fingers and pretend this all away, it wasn’t even remotely that simple. “You hurt me, Carter.” I ducked out from under his arms and made it a single step before I was halted, his hand threaded firmly around my wrist. “I honestly didn’t know you were even capable of being so cold.”
“I made a mistake.” He panted, hands sliding over my waist, fingers tipping my chin to meet his desperate eyes. “I know I fucked up. Bad. But after everything that’s happened, I also know you fully understand the severity of the danger that you were in—the reasons I did it.” He challenged. “I thought keeping you at arm’s length would keep you safe, but really, I never should have let you out of my sight.” He admitted. “And I know that makes me sound like a single-brain-cell-caveman-brute, but that’s what you do to me, Sara. You make my brain short-circuit. You fill my heart with all your goodness, and you push out all the bad.” He swallowed hard. “I’d like to think I do the same for you—that you’re better when you’re with me.”
“I thought I was perfect.” I raised a brow, quoting the thousand times he’d chanted it at me.
“You are, which is why I want you by my side every day of my life. However long that may be.” He gripped my neck, forehead tipping to mine in submission. “Anything you need of me, I’ll do it. You have my word.”
“I don’t know how to trust what you’re saying.” I said, his fingers feeling like fire against my skin as my voice cracked with dangerous hope. “You broke me, Carter. Twice now.”
“I’m not denying that, but you know why we couldn’t be together back then.” I swallowed hard, knowing the truth of it, even now. “Do you still love me?” He breathed.
Fuck. I couldn’t answer. Of course I did. I never stopped loving him, and that was my problem. Those torturously long, empty days, believing he was dead, had been the worst of my life. Especially knowing what he’d done for me in that room, how he’d fought for me, but that didn’t change how he’d treated me before all hell broke loose—it may have been fake for him, but it wasvery realfor me. The hurt of his words still lingered in my heart like a festering wound, and I wondered if there was a small part of him that had truly meant what he’d said.
I stared at his bruised face,feeling desperate. Everything I’d ever wanted was hanging on a string right in front of me, but would that string move? Was it always going to be just out of my reach? That was no way to live.
His lips parted, and I knew he was so anxious, so scared, and it broke my heart. “I love you, Sara.” He confessed, “Even when I was being an asshole, I loved you. Never stopped loving you.” His voice broke. “I’llalwayslove you.”
“I don’t know.” I murmured, gazing into those eyes that felt like home, feeling so conflicted.
“You don’t have to say the words if you’re not ready, but if the answer isn’t a hell no—then I’m begging you to let me back in. Let me earn the right to have you in my life.”
“I’m not sure I know how.” I admitted, “Even if I wanted to, I think I might be too scared, too broken.”
“We can be scared together.” He tipped my chin up, his mouth so temptingly close. “Heal together.”
“Don’t break my heart again.” I pleaded softly, “I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle it.”
“That’s the thing.” His thumb brushed over my lower lipreverently. “You’re the one with all the power here. You always have been.”
“That’s not true.” I whispered, letting my eyes flutter closed.
“Oh, but it is, sweet girl.” He murmured, “You’ve always had me wrapped around your finger, and I think you might know that.” His breath was warm on my cheek, waiting.
“I can’t make up my mind.” I confessed. Was I supposed to be strong and kick him to the curb? Was I supposed to believe in second chances? All that stupid internet dating advice was so damn confusing. What about what I wanted?
It was him. I was terrified, but that’s definitely what I wanted. To find a way to make this work, even if he was a stupid, single-brain-cell boy, and maybe, if I could admit it to myself, what he was saying made sense. I was still pissed off, sure, wished he would have handled it differently, yes, but nobody was perfect and it was an utterly bizarre and fucked up set of circumstances, one-in-a-million, actually. Literally life and death. How many second chances were we allowed in this lifetime? Because surely, we had to be coming up on our limit.
My eyes shuttered as the images from that dark room played in my mind like a horrific nightmare—my fingers roamed Carter’s bare chest, his skin warm and real under my fingertips, even though I wasn’t exactly sure how he was mostly in one piece. I felt a swell of emotion as I gently brushed my fingertips over the edge of the bandages on his shoulder, as that one horrifying image sat right in the middle of my mind, refusing to move. He’d been dying right in front of me, mopping the floor with his own blood while he literally crawled,dragged himself across the ground to get to me, and somehow he was still alive. That had to mean something.
He’d shown up when it mattered most. He always had.
“Fuck it.” I murmured as he tried to decipher what exactly that declaration meant. “I’m willing to let youtryto remind me why we’re so good together, emphasis on thetry.” He smiled as we crashed into the wall his hand protectively wrapped aroundthe back of my head, shielding me from all the impact before it slid to my throat, fingers cradling me, claiming me, demanding me—his lips just a breath away from my mouth, just waiting for that permission, like he always did. “How do I know you’re not lying?” I rasped. “Manipulating me like everyone else in my life. Taking whatyouneed. Making decisions for me.” Was he just saying nice words? Words were so easy to promise, and even easier to throw away.
His hands slid up my body, feeling so right, his body firm and unyielding as he pinned me to the wall as if he could shield out the world. “Blue Gatorade.” He admitted, breathless and raspy. “I hate blue Gatorade.”
