I gripped her wrists to keep from taking her face and kissing her. “You ever think there was a reason Liam told me to stay away from you?” I whispered. “I’m no good for you.”
“I can see through this.” She breathed all too knowingly. “What you’re doing.” She moved to pull away, but I couldn’t let go, and she stilled. “I just don’t know why you’re doing it.” She pleaded. “Just tell me why. Please.”
“I can’t commit.” I admitted, grasping at straws. “I’ve never been able to. You know that about me.” The truth was, nobody had been her—because I was terrified to lose anyone else I loved—that I wasn’t strong enough, that I refused to endanger her in whatever mess I was now smack dab in the middle of.
“Whatever twisted punishment you think this is—that you deserve. You don’t.” She pleaded. “Carter, you’re good. You’re so good. Please don’t throw everything we have into the dumpster fire that is my life right now.”
I cupped her face because I just couldn’t help myself. I hated how selfish I was, that even when I was breaking her heart, I was still taking from her. That I needed her touch to ground me while I worked up the courage to break her heart. I was a fucking asshole. “You’re a great girl, Sara. You’re just not great for me.” I braced myself for the final blow. “I just need someone less needy.”
She jerked back as if I’d burned her.
Good. I’d done it. I’d taken her biggest fear and used it against her.
I was lower than low.I was nothing.
I felt faint as her lip wobbled, and she straightened. “I would say I would try to be less needy for you, but I’m not going to bother. You stood by me at my worst, at my ugliest.” She said with surprising strength, though her voice trembled. “And as someone who’s been living at rock bottom for a while now, I know what you’re doing. You’re pushing me away. For reasons I don’t understand, and you’re being damn cruel while you’re doing it.” She added as tears started rolling down her cheeks. “ButIlove you, Carter. I know you, and I know when you’re bullshitting me.” I swallowed hard as she grabbed her shirt, quickly throwing it on, her voice quickly losing more and more bite. “So, I’m sorry, you big jerk. You’re not getting rid of me just because you’re hurting.” She stormed towards the door, wiping her cheeks. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Same place. Same time.” She sobbed a broken laugh as she stopped in the threshold, something quiet and confident shining in her eyes even as they shimmered with hurt. “Iknowyou love me too, and I’ll give you all the time you need to remember it.” She refused to blink, but a tear rolled down her cheek anyway.
This was torture. I wanted to apologize, to tell her I didn’t mean any of it, but I didn’t. If I loved her, then I would keep my goddamn mouth shut. So that’s what I did, tasting blood as I literally bit my tongue because my insides were screaming for her. This was how it had to be in order to keep her safe, to keep heralive—I wouldn’t become my father and let Sara end up like my mother.Collateral damage.
The door slammed, leaving me all alone, and once again it was because of the mess my father had left behind. I knew I should be used to it by now, but I wasn’t.
I staggered to the counter, hating myself. My medication was kicking in and my heart raced faster, each breath coming a little more shallow than the last.
Fuck, when I got emotional. When was the last time I’d eatensomething? My blood sugar was way too low. I gripped the counter weakly, feeling the edges of my vision closing in as I tried to stagger into the kitchen.
The door banged open. “You made me so mad I forgot my purse.” I slid down the counter. “Carter!” My head hit the ground, erupting in another sickening migraine. Sara’s panicked scream was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.
It was dark out when I woke up in my bed. Sara’s chest was rising and falling peacefully as she slept fully clothed, curled up beside me.
How she’d gotten me into the bed in the first place, I had no idea, and then I realized I had an IV in my arm—she called the doctor over, because of course she had.
I rolled onto my side and felt a tear slip down my cheek as I stared at her face, illuminated in the moonlight. The soft slope of her nose, her dark lashes against her full cheeks. I wanted to reach out and touch her, but I didn’t. She was too good for me, and I didn’t deserve her, even when I wasn’t being the world's biggest ass.
Which is why I had to make her let me go before it was too late. I quietly slipped out of the bed, angrily ripped the IV out, focusing on the sting of pain and wandered into my office, sitting in front of my too-bright computer screen.
That’s when I noticed the stack of mail on the desk because, of course, she’d brought the mail in. I shook my head, and then a small black envelope caught my attention, and my heart stopped beating altogether.
I cracked the wax seal and slid the heavy envelope open.
An address and a date.Let’s put this behind us once and for all.
I knew the letter for what it was, not an invitation at all, but a threat. And the only thing they could use against me was currently lying in my bed, looking like an angel.
For her own safety, I needed her far, far away from me, because when I started tipping the dominoes I’d been setting up these last few weeks, I wasn’t entirely sure that I wouldn’t be the last one to fall.
I quickly responded to my PR team’s most recent email, wondering if it was a huge mistake, but as soon as Sara let me go—I could burn it all down and maybe I’d let the flames consume me too.
CHAPTER 50
A Spiral of Chaos
SARAFINA
“Did you see?” Jules worried voice asked through the speakerphone from the kitchen counter.
“See what?” I asked, mulling through Liam’s fridge absentmindedly.
“I texted you.” Sloane explained. “Let’s not jump to conclusions, it was probably staged.”
