I feel my heart pound erratically, so loud I wonder if Lindsay can hear it. The woods are silent apart from the cool breeze whipping through the trees, the crunch of leaves under our feet, and the soft trill of creatures nestled in the safety of the forest. We’ve been walking for about six minutes when I notice a glow coming from up ahead and the beat of a song I can almost place.
Lindsay blocks my view, for the most part, but when we reach the clearing and she steps aside, the breath dies in my throat. It’s a dance floor, surrounded by strand after strand of twinklylights. It’s freshly laid flooring with a glossy finish, and in one corner of the large square is a folding chair with a Bluetooth speaker on it, playing, “I Will Follow You into the Dark” by Deathcab for Cutie.
Winston stands in the middle, his shirt and pants freshly pressed, his light brown hair neatly swept off his face, and his hands shoved in his pockets. Though he’s standing tall, his gaze is anything but confident. I know this look well. It’s shy Winston, and man, have I missed him.
“Natalie,” he says, his green eyes trailing down my body, then back up to the bodice of my dress.
My cleavage looks bomb in this dress, so the ogling just makes me smile.
“You look…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, just extends his hand and waits for me to take it. “May I have this dance?”
I remember Lindsay’s presence, and when I lock eyes with her, she looks like she’s on the verge of squealing.
“I can take a hint,” she says, turning to leave. Before she goes, she says, “Have fun, you two.”
Winston chuckles, and I’m so caught off guard by the warmth he exudes while watching Lindsay leave that I let him guide me onto the dance floor and settle into the strength of his embrace.
We remain quiet for a while. Maybe too long. Neither of us knowing who should go first. I take the leap. “I have a lot of questions.”
He nods, that boyish look lighting up his face. “I believe I have answers.”
“Did you make this dance floor?”
He nods, the blood rushing to his cheeks.
I move on to the one that’s clawing up my throat, the most desperate to be asked. “Why am I here, Winston? I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
He lets out a pained grunt. “There has never been a second when I didn’t want you, sweetheart. Not since the moment I became aware that you existed.”
“So then…”
His gaze softens as he looks over my shoulder, toward the forest, as if gathering his thoughts. “Those things I said, that last day… I didn’t mean any of them. Well,” he amends, “I did mean that I don’t deserve you, and never could. But the shit I said about our relationship being about sex and on the verge of something more––that was a lie.”
“Why was it a lie?”
“Because it alreadywasabout more than sex.” He chuckles, shaking his head in awe. “From the very first time I touched you, I knew I could never live without you.”
“Then why would you end it?” I ask, my skin growing hot despite the chill in the air. “Why were you acting like such a heartless asshole that day? Reminding me of my lowest point with Kyle. Couldn’t you sense that it was about more than sex for me too?”
His green eyes dart back and forth between mine, searching for the truth, maybe. “Fuck,” he says under his breath. “I’m sorry about that. All of it. I only played that card because I knew it would hurt you enough to get you to leave, and I was afraid that if you remained next to me for another heartbeat, my resolve would weaken, and I’d beg you to stay.”
I hate that he’s right. It worked like a charm.
“Yeah, I could tell you felt the same about me,” he continues, “but I was too afraid that I was wrong to believe it was real. I think about the life I lived, who I was before I died, and…”
“And what?”
“You do deserve someone better than me, Natalie. You’re beautiful, and kind, and you love so fiercely and trust with your whole body. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve never been onthe receiving end of love like this. It didn’t feel real. You seemed too good to be true.”
“That’s bullshit!” I shout, surprising him with the volume and firmness of my voice, no doubt. “You cook my meals, you clean the house––the house that you built, by the way––you rub my shoulders when they’re sore, you take care of me when I’m sick, you braid my fucking hair.” I chuckle softly, still amazed that I landed this man, and annoyed that he can’t see his worth. “And all of that is without mentioning how incredible you are in bed.”
His cheeks flush, and he averts his eyes, as if embarrassed.
“When I sayincredible, I want you to understand what that means, because there are a lot of men who don’t know how little they’d have to do in bed to be considered incredible, so this is very important. Are you listening?”
He nods, his gaze dropping to my lips.
“You seek consent, you check in with me regularly, you put my pleasure before your own. You pay attention. It’s so overlooked and underestimated, but it goes such a long way.”
