Just like I hadn’t when I held The Star. Perhapsthatwas why I’d come here—to see if I felt connected to the Cliffs. To see if being here made me feel sorrow or anger. Anything. But I didn’t feel a connection to this place. All I felt was annoyance with myself.
If this was where I had…well, run myself off a cliff, shouldn’t I feel something?
How embarrassing.
I found myself staring down at the face of the Cliffs once more as I fiddled with the hooks on the vest I wore.
Had Sotoria landed on one of those ledges below? Or had she fallen between them into the lake? Had it been quick, where she struck a hard rock at the right—or wrong—angle? Or had hitting the water killed her? The height would’ve made the impact devastating, and the fall would’ve been fast but not quick enough that she wouldn’t know what was happening—what was coming. I had to think, though, that her death had been instantaneous, giving Kolis no time to intervene. There had been no suffering.
That had come later.
Gods, why was I even thinking about this? It was beyond morbid, especially since I wasn’t just considering some random woman in a distant past. I was wondering howI’ddied.
Because I was her.
I wanted to scream that I wasn’t, but the lie couldn’t even crawl its way up my throat. I was Poppy.
But I had been Sotoria.
Sighing, I tipped my head back and closed my eyes. I really shouldn’t have come here. There were so many other things I could be doing. Training. Working with Casteel and Kieran on how to control the essence. Finding a way to weaken Kolis. Anything would be more productive than this, including crossing the Veil and entering the Continents to see what new catastrophe the Ancients—
My eyes snapped open as my hand fell away from the clasps on my vest.
TheAncients.
Being they, too, carried the essence of life and death, they were more powerful than Kolis. And they wouldn’t be considered baby Primals either. They were—
“Also completely unhinged,” I muttered. Bringing the Ancients into this would be like fighting fire with oil.
And I didn’t need them.
I already knew what would kill Kolis, and I didn’t need him weakened to do it.
I ran my fingers along the hilt of the bone dagger strapped to my thigh. The grip warmed to my palm, unlike the bloodstone and wolven-bone dagger that never quite did so. I looked down, wondering what material the handle was made of. It was light.
Pressure coiled in my chest as I stared at it. What was I waiting—?
Awareness throbbed in my chest, causing my breath to catch. I turned as the air charged, raising the hairs on my arms. Silver eather sparked a few feet from me, rapidly spreading to form a thin streak of essence that quickly widened.
A second later, Casteel stepped out of the tear in the realm. My breath snagged again, but for a totally different reason. Cladin black leather pants that accentuated his height and a tunic cut perfectly to fit the breadth of his shoulders and chest, his nearly otherworldly beauty and the aura of eather in his golden eyes made him look every inch the way I always imagined a god would.
The breeze lifted strands of his wavy, dark hair, tossing it back from the slash of his brows.
I swung my arm in an awkward wave. “Hi.”
A single brow arched. “Hello, Poppy.”
Feeling my cheeks warm, I crossed my arms. What was up with all the waving I was doing lately?
Casteel’s gaze darted behind me and then quickly returned to mine. “What are you doing here?”
“I…don’t know.”
He was quiet for a moment. “As in, you have no recollection of coming here? Or you decided to come here but don’t know why?”
“The second thing you said. I…” I started to tell him that I’d wanted to see if being here made me feel anything, but the words got lodged in my throat. They sounded silly and pointless in my head. Besides, I wasn’t even sure that was why I was here.
“You what?” he asked, watching me closely.
