I wasn’t sure how long we sat there, but I held on to him, wishing there was a way to make this right.
If I’d just let his dad take the medicine and some canned soup, he’d still be alive. Instead, I wanted to fill up his cart. I wanted him and his family to enjoy a baked ham for Easter, not knowing if his wife would be around to celebrate the following year.
And when that stupid refrigerator fell on me, he’d tried to push me out of the way. He’d stayed and tried to free me.
Because of that, because of the way I’d pleaded with him to stop, the way I’d told him he was killing me, Elias had killed him.
It was all so screwed up, and I wasn’t sure how to tell Javier any of it.
When he went to pull away, I kissed the top of his head. He let out an embarrassed chuckle before he wiped his eyes and settled his head back on my shoulder.
Emotions warred inside me, and I knew I couldn’t stay quiet. It wasn’t fair for Javier to blame himself when he’d done nothing wrong. I was terrified of hurting him further or losing him when he learned the truth, but this was the right thing to do. Right?
“That night, your dad tried to save my life,” I said, my voice shaky.
Javier’s body jerked, his reddened eyes wide with shock.
“I didn’t know he was your dad when I went to your place that first night,” I continued, not sure how to say any of the things I didn’t want to say. “Hell, I didn’t even remember that night for a long time, but I thought you should know he tried to save my life. He stayed with me when things got . . . scary.” Not sure what to do with my hands, I ran them through the length of my hair.
“You were there?” he asked, a single tear falling down his cheek.
“I should’ve told you once I realized you were his son, but I didn’t know how,” I told him honestly. “He’d come in to get medicine, and I offered to fill his cart with food. I remember him telling me how his oldest was back home taking care of his wife and daughter. He was tired, but he also sounded proud when he said that.”
“You said he tried to save you. Is that true?” he asked.
I pressed my lips together and nodded as my heart punched against my ribs.
“I’m glad he was there with you. I-I—” He pressed his palm against his stomach. “I don’t think I want to know anymore. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you want,” I said quietly.
“He stayed with you,” he repeated, nodding. “You’re okay because of him.”
While that wasn’t exactly true, I didn’t have the heart to correct him.
“That’s all I need to know,” he said. “Maybe I’ll want to know more one day, but right now, I don’t.” He swallowed hard. “He helped you, and maybe he guided you to us.” A wobbly smile broke through.
“Maybe he did,” I said. “If so, I have a lot to thank him for.”
Javier turned to give me another hug, holding me tightlyaround the neck. With my arms around his midsection, I gripped the back of his shirt, wondering if I’d been right in sharing the little I’d told him or if I’d further hurt him.
After another tight squeeze, he let me go. While tears streamed down his face, he gave me a small smile.
“Did he really sound like he was proud of me?” he asked.
I cupped his cheek. “Yes. There’s absolutely no way both your parents aren’t smiling down on you right now, proud of the young man you’re becoming.” I paused. “For what it’s worth, I don’t just think you’re pretty cool. I’m also really proud of you. You’ve experienced more, you’ve overcome more than most grown-ass adults are capable of.”
“Thank you, Teddy. For everything.”
I couldn’t help but wonder how his parents felt about me. If they were relieved their children were with me, or if they’d rather their kids live with someone else.
I was doing my best, though. Both Elias and I were doing our best to right a wrong that could never be truly fixed. And somewhere along the way, these kids became ours. I loved them as fiercely as I loved the twin boys I hadn’t yet met.
Chapter
Five
ELIAS
