“Want me to light the fireplace?” I asked, nodding toward it.
“Nah,” he said. “I’m good. Thanks again for today. I had a good birthday.”
“Good.” I nudged his shoulder with mine.
He gave me a small smile.
“I know I’ve been acting weird, and I’m assuming youknow something’s up since Ryenne wouldn’t shut up about it,” I blurted out, before I talked myself out of it.
I wasn’t sure if Kieren wanted Javier knowing he’d spoken to me, so I kept that to myself.
Javier tucked his legs to his chest beneath the blanket, arms banded tight around them. The wary look on his face broke my heart.
“I’m pregnant, Javier,” I said on an exhale. “I wanted to tell Elias first but he wouldn’t want you to worry about me, and if I’m being honest, I’m scared. Terrified, actually.”
He blinked a few times before his lips ticked up the tiniest bit. “Why are you scared?”
I didn’t want to tell him about my worries with Elias, so I chose the obvious fear. “I’ve never really been around babies, and in eight months, I’m supposed to suddenly care for two of them.”
His smile widened. “Two of them?”
Still not believing it myself, I pressed my lips together. “Twin boys.”
He threw his head back on the couch. “Finally, some more testosterone in our home.”
Hearing him call our cabin his home, made some of my anxiety ease. Although very different from Colina Verde and our human realm, this was our home. Not because of the cabin itself, but because of the kids and Elias. They made it feel like home.
I grabbed a cushion and pushed it against his face. When he lowered it, his eyes no longer held that haunted look but glimmered with what looked a lot like joy. He kept the cushion on his lap.
“I was seven when Jasmine was born and eleven when Mom had Juanita,” he said. “I didn’t help with Jazz, but Momgot sick after Juanita. I watched her a lot so Mom could sleep or when Dad had to take her to appointments.” He rubbed the back of his hand under his nose. “It’s been a while, but I think I’d remember how to take care of a baby. I mean, you’re not going to do any of it alone. Elias will spoil those babies more than he does the girls, but I could also help if you wanted me to.”
This kid. It was completely his fault when I caught him off guard and hugged him.
“You’re a good egg,” I said, my voice thick. “You know that, right?”
His hold on me tightened before he let me go to clutch the cushion to his chest. “I wish I could’ve been better when my parents were alive.” His tongue poked at the inside of his cheek. “That’s all my dad wanted from me. Mom was sick, and he needed me to help with the girls and the house and to be a man, and I let him down so many times. I’d get in trouble at school or wouldn’t make dinner or get the girls to bed on time.”
My heart splintered. “Javi, you were a kid. You’re still a kid.” I wrapped an arm over his shoulders, and he leaned into me, resting his head on my shoulder. “I didn’t know you before, but everything I’ve seen? You’re an incredible young man. You took care of your sisters and kept them safe. You still take on so much when I’d be more than happy to do it.”
“They’re happy with you.” He paused. “I am too.” His voice dropped. “I don’t want us to be a burden.”
“A burden?” I squeezed him tighter. “That’s the last thing y’all are. I can’t tell you how many times I woke up in Colina or here and was grateful you were here. Not because you help around the house or with the girls but because of who you are. You’re . . . incredible. I’m so damn happy tohave you in my life. From what I know of you, I know your parents must’ve been proud of you. There’s no way they weren’t.”
With his head still on my shoulder, he tucked his knees closer to his chest.
“Jazz was sick the day Dad died,” he said slowly, his voice trembling. “He’d asked me to get medicine for her fever from the gas station, but I didn’t have enough money to buy it. I thought about going anyway and asking if the owner would let me have it, and I’d pay him later. He was cool even though he caught me stealing once, but Mom was really sick that day too. She had these ulcers in her mouth that would start bleeding when she vomited, and it scared both Jazz and Juanita. With Jasmine being sick, I couldn’t take them with me, and I also didn’t want to leave Mom alone. She was dizzy and tired, and I was scared she’d fall and hurt herself if she got up without my help.”
“Oh, Javi. You had so much on your shoulders. It must have been awful, having your mom and your baby sister both so sick.”
He sniffled. The grief he carried was suffocating. To watch his mom slowly die . . . I knew that pain all too well.
“It was horrible,” he whispered. “Mom told me to put a cool cloth on Jazz’s forehead and under her armpits, so that’s what I did. I don’t remember if it helped, but I didn’t end up going, and when Dad got home from work, he was furious with me. He had to go back out, and because we didn’t have the money to pay for it, he went to the food bank.” His breath hitched. “He died there because I didn’t get the medicine like he told me to.”
The pain in his voice tore through me. “No,” I said. “No, sweetheart, he didn’t die because of you.”
He died because Elias and George thought he’d been trying to kill me.
The truth lodged like glass in my throat. My eyes burned with tears I didn’t want to shed. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I shifted to hug him better. His body trembled as he buried his head against my shoulder. I rubbed circles across his back and let him cry.
