Her finger brushed a barely visible red mark in the middle of my palm. “Yes. Which I see you haven’t completely done.”
I pulled my hand back. “No.” And I wasn’t sure I was going to.
MJ pressed her lips together, looking like she wanted to comment but refrained. “The moment you both share scars is the moment you share your souls. It’s the ultimate sacrifice and ultimate reward. You become whole again. You’ll always take half of their pain and share your energy when theirs is low.”
“What if only one of us accepts the bond? Can you still share pain and energy?”
“Yes. But it’d be one-sided, and what you experience now will multiply until your other half accepts. It could cause issues, and you can’t take it back. Which is why you decidetogetherto accept or decline the bond.”
I ignored her pointed remark. “What happens if their energy is depleted?”
MJ sat there quietly for a moment. I almost regretted asking.
“Depends on the severity of depletion. But if you can’t make it to a healer, you have a choice to make. You or them,” she whispered. “Knox chose me.” She pressed a kiss to her hand and turned, blowing it toward the Eternal Forest.
“You’ll see him again, MJ.”
One way or another.
She took a heavy breath and nodded. “Even if you’re connected soul-to-soul, you won’t die when they do. You’ll just never feel that wholeness again. You’ll never be with someone who knows you from the inside out again. You’ll never touch their energy and feel their joy or their tingles on your skin.” She paused, closing her eyes and lowering her voice. “Your heart and home are destroyed forever, and you will crave death.”
I pulled her into my side, having no words. Lucille and I weren’t connected yet, and still, I lost control when I thought she was about to die.
“I want us to have a choice,” I admitted.
“Who says you don’t have a choice?”
“You just said the praesidiumforces you to protect. When she’s hurt, it’s like I lose all intelligence. I feel out of my mind. I try to block the bond from myself and her?—”
MJ grabbed my hand, stopping me. “First, the praesidium only wants your other half safe and free of pain. I’m assuming you’d want that for Lucille regardless of the bond?”
I nodded.
“Second, the cordistella bond doesn’t force emotions. What you feel is all your own. You may be acting out of character because, well, honestly, Ronen, have you ever had romantic feelings for someone? Alexei and I have only ever seen you with females you can have physically, but who have rotten personalities.”
Ever since I came to Hell, I’d avoided relationships. I didn’t know the first thing about them. Connection and getting close to people always unnerved me. It took me years to accept MJ and Alexei as more than warriors I commanded, and a lot of trust.
The unfamiliar emotions of anxiety, worry, and… hope had slithered beneath my skin. I didn’t know what to do with the feelings. But the hope—the little bits of light I’d received from watching Lucille grow—was addictive and terrifying.
“Third.” MJ smacked me on the back of the head, and I grunted.
“You can’t block the damned bond! She deserves to know, and you can’t continue to use your powers to hide from uncomfortable things. You shouldn’t even be allowed to block it. The fact that you can is unnatural.”
She grabbed both my shoulders and tugged, forcing me to meet the weight of her gaze.
“You speak of choice.” She picked up my tattooed wrist. “You value truth. And yet you don’t honoreither? You’re better than this, Ro. Tell Lucille.”
I remained silent, burdened by my hypocrisy, but even more by my fear.
“What are you so scared of? Falling for her?” She grazed a finger over the red circular mark on my palm. “I think you’re already on your way. Or is it Gabriel?”
I straightened and pulled back.
“It won’t be the same as what happened with him.”
“You don’t know that.”
She sighed. “Ro?—”
