My nose burned and I nodded. “Yeah. That’s it exactly. It’s gonna kill me.”
“It’s got to be done, though,” Liam said, laying his hand on mine. “You’ve gotta find out, like you said, so you know what to do next. And we’ll be here to support you, you know?”
“Totally.” Brian nodded fervently. “Literally, whatever you need.”
“Drinks. Chocolate. Non-stop Adele,” Ev promised. “We’re here.”
“Uh, boys?” Henry wrinkled his nose. “Aren’t you all forgetting something important?”
“Yeah, watchingCall Me By Your Name,” Brian said, waving a dismissive hand. “But that was understood.”
Ev nodded.
“No, I mean… I mean… Why are you all assuming that Fran’s moved on and this will all end badly? What if he’s up there right now thinking, ‘Gee, I miss that Mark character. He was just a humdinger of a guy’?”
“A humdinger,” Brian repeated slowly, like he was tasting the words. “Is Fran eighty, by any chance, Mark?”
Hen cuffed Brian lightly on the back of the head. “You know exactly what I mean, mister.”
“I do,” Brian agreed. A slow smile broke out across his face. “And… okay, actually, you’ve got a point.”
“A really good point,” Ev agreed.
“’Course I do. You young folks seem to think that assuming the worst is gonna happen will make you feel better when the worst happens. I’m here to tell you, it won’t.” Hen nodded firmly. “All you’re gonna do is make yourself feel terrible now, and then feel terrible later on, too. You only regret the chances you don’t take in this life, and believing that good things can happen is the chanciest thing of all, but it’s also the smartest.”
I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Is it, though? Getting your hopes up, only to be crushed?” I understood the importance of being positive, but I also understood the importance of beingrealistic.
“Just look at these three yahoos, Mark. My grandson, who took a big ol’ chance during one of the darkest times of his life, when he had no reason to believe life would ever play fair with him again. That pay off for you, Everett?”
“Yes, Grandpa,” Ev said softly. “It did.”
“And you, Brian. Your boyfriend stop believing in you all those years when he was waiting for you to extract your head from your hindquarters and notice him?”
Brian’s smile was quietly satisfied. “No, sir, he did not. And thank God he didn’t.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’. Andyou, Liam Mason…”
“I know, I know. You’re perfectly right.” Liam held up a hand… which happened to be the hand where his wedding band rested. “I took a chance and married the man I loved—”
“You took a chance and found Gideon again,” Hen corrected. “Even after your heart got squished the first time around. And then there’s me, getting married for a second time after losing my Anna, even though I ain’t no spring chicken and my Diane knows it. It’sallrisky, Mark. You might drive up that mountain and get your heart ripped out and handed to you.”
“That’s… some charming imagery right there,” Brian said, raising an eyebrow.
“Or you might find Fran hands you his. You just don’t know. Heck, I betcha Fran doesn’t even know.”
I blew out a breath. “I don’t even know if I want him to hand me his heart. It might be easier if I found out it was over.” Even if the very idea killed me. “Maybe I’ll just walk up there and say hey, and it’ll be super awkward, like talking to a stranger, and we’ll end up talking about the snow.”
Hen pointed a finger in my direction. “That’s your fear talking, right there. Easier ain’t better. Now, I have to admit, I’m a bit like Lisa Dorian, ’cause I don’t believe in having New Year’s resolutions just to have them. But if your resolution is to move forward and not live in the past, that means not letting your fear of what happened in the past ruin the future, and that’s a resolution I can get behind. You with me?”
“Totally.” Nope.
“Imagine for a minute that Fran hadn’t ever spoken to you all those years ago. Never risked himself. Never let you know that hesawyou. Would that have been better?”
I sucked in a breath, then frowned, maybe possibly starting to see what he was saying.
Hen pushed himself carefully to his feet. “So I want you to think, Mark… If you were Fran, what would you want him to say to you? Then you say that.”
“That easy?” Brian asked.
