“I think I definitely had to go and do those things,” I said slowly. “It was necessary. I think if I hadn’t, I always would have wondered.” I flipped his hand around so I was holding it in both of mine. “But Iwishedyou were there with me. I imagined you there.”
I felt his soft sigh, which mingled with the sigh of the wind outside as the storm picked up speed.
“We’re a pair, huh?” Fran’s heart thumped rhythmically beneath my ear.
“Yeah,” I agreed. At least I really hoped we were. Two halves of a whole.
Fran led me upstairs to his low bed under the eaves, and Phoebe followed us to curl at our feet. Both of us were too tired just then to do more than curl up like spoons, but once I’d lain down, I found I couldn’t get my eyes to shut.
“I canfeelyou thinking, baby. What is it?”
I huffed. “I think… I think I’m worried this will all be a dream when I wake up. I’ll still be in my apartment over the bakery and today won’t have happened yet.”
“Then come and find me and we’ll do it all again and again until it sticks.” His deep voice rumbled in my ear. “I’d happily relive this day a thousand times over… Though maybe you could watch the ice a little better next time, love.”
He kissed my temple gently, and without even meaning to, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
* * *
I wokeup at three a.m. with a start and blinked at the unfamiliar roofline above me. The world was absolutely quiet but for the sound of Fran’s soft breathing behind me and the jingle of Phoebe’s collar when she lifted her head, like she’d sensed me waking and wanted to make sure everything was okay. The wind outside had stopped blowing though snow still fell steadily.
But for the first time in a long time, I was warm.Gloriouslywarm. So I burrowed deeper under the covers, pulled Fran’s arms tighter around me, and went right back to sleep.
* * *
The next timeI woke up, Fran was gone and it was late morning or maybe even early afternoon. I guessed my body had a lot of rest to catch up on after all the sleepless hours from the previous nights.
The sun shone through the windows at an angle, almost offensively bright, like every single snowflake out there was acting as a prism, casting rainbow fractals across the duvet and the half-height bookcases that ringed the two closed walls. From downstairs, I smelled bacon and coffee, and heard Fran singing softly to himself in the kitchen, and my stomach fluttered nervously.
For all that we’d settled last night, there still seemed so much left to discuss. Where did we go from here? Was this permanent? What would that look like? Should I try to walk things back? To maybe appear just a little less desperate, now that I couldn’t blame a bumped head for any part of my behavior?
I sighed and stretched my arms above my head, breathing in the coffee scent. The bed was still so warm and comfortable, it was hard not to feel optimistic, despite all the reasons I shouldn’t.
Except… except maybe Ishould.
I sat upright with a jerk as Henry Lattimer’s words from the day before came back to me. I’d thought I understood them yesterday, but suddenly Iunderstoodthem.
You only regret the chances you don’t take.
Bad things were either going to happen or they weren’t, and you couldn’t prevent most of them. People got sick, jobs got lost… storms came.
Being human meant getting hurt sometimes, and that sucked. But doing it successfully, doing it in a way that you could die knowing you’d played your best game, meant scratching all your lottery cards and sometimes betting your last nickel. Life didn’t hand out points for caution, and curling up at night with a list of the hurts you might have saved yourself from by not trying sounded like a damn cold and uncomfortable way to sleep.
I took a second to run a hand through Phoebe’s soft fur…
Then I bolted my ass out of bed, threw on the sweatpants and flannel from last night, and ran downstairs.
Fran heard me coming—probably because I made more noise than a herd of stampeding elephants—and by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs, he’d already turned to me with a face full of such undisguised affection that I didn’t stop or even hesitate. I ran directly to him and threw myself in his arms.
“Oof.” Fran caught me in his arms and only rocked back slightly before he took my weight. “Afternoon, sleepyhead. How’re you feeling? How’s your—?”
“Fran,” I interrupted. “Knock, knock.”
“Uh… are we telling jokes now?” He blinked, then grinned again. “Okay, who’s there?”
“Mark.” I said softly. “And I’m sorry life’s treated you unkindly, Francis Goode. Would you like some blueberry pancake cupcakes?”
Fran froze for a second, every muscle of his body locked down, then he pulled back to look at me properly.
