I could practically hear Ev’s wince. “People say dumb stuff when they’re under stress like that,” he offered. “I was a total shit to Silas a few months back, and I didn’t mean it.”
“I know.” And Ididknow. But yeah, it had fucking stung that there was any part of Parker, any tiny corner of his brain, that thought I’d be capable of doing something like that, no matter how much time had passed since we were friends.
And the fact that hecouldhurt me, even after all these years? That made me realize that my super-secure memory vault wasn’t nearly as secure as I wanted it to be… and probably never had been.
Which meant it was a good thing he was gone. Better for both of us.
I’d known from the minute he moved back that he wouldn’t stay here permanently. Julian Ross had rolled his eyes when I’d told him that, probably thinking it was just more of me mouthing off about Parker, but I’d meant it. Parker came back—prodigal son returning, local boy made good—but O’Leary wouldn’t hold him. Some people shined too bright to stay in a small town for long, and Parker Hoffstraeder was one of them. I’d fooled myself about that once before, but I wouldn’t make the same mistake again.
“Parker looked like he’d been hit by a truck,” Ev continued.
“Yeah, well,” I said as I pulled into my driveway and parked, “If you expect me to feel bad, you’re barking up the wrong tree. Parker makes his own choices. He always has.”
But I was lying to both of us about not being sympathetic, and I was pretty sure Everett knew it. The image of Parker from the night of the fire had been recalled to the forefront of my brain, this time wearing his kicked-puppy look, all huge green eyes and furrowed brow. I felt my heart squeeze against my will. That look was pure kryptonite, and even though I was no Superman, I couldn’t resist it. Not ten years ago. Not now.
I’d learned a long, long time ago that life wasn’t fair. Molly died, and Parker left town, and my dad had been… whatever. But I swear to God, the mostunjust thingin this wholegoddamn unfair worldwas the way my heart still hurt when Parker Hoffstraeder was hurting. The way every cell of my body yearned tofix it. The way I instantly forgot all the shit that had happened, all the things he’d said, all the years and lifetimes that had passed since we were together, and wanted to gather him in my arms.
“We all make choices, Jamie,” Ev said softly. “Sometimes we just make the wrong ones. Sometimes life gives us a do-over.”
“And sometimes it doesn’t,” I said, watching the flakes fall and melt on the windshield. No do-over for my dad. Or for my sister. Or for me.
“So true. And you still shouldn’t be with Brian.”
I sighed. “You’re insufferable.”
“You asked my opinion about Brian—”
“Did I? Did you receive that communication telepathically? Because you might wanna get your receiver checked.”
“You haven’t seemed happy since you started dating him again,” Ev said, ignoring me. “Not even whatever passes for happy in Jamie Burke’s world. You’re stressed constantly. You’re clinging to Brian like he’s a human shield. And what I want to know is, what the hell are you protecting yourself from? Living half a lifesucks, Jameson. Take it from me.”
“I’m writing these tidbits of wisdom down,” I assured him. “Compiling a book of Everett quotes. I’m thinkingParsley and Negative Space: The Important Thoughts of Everett Maior.”
“Total.Cretin. I hope the snowpocalypse blankets your house and you’re stuck for days.”
“Harsh. Remind me again why we’re friends?”
“Because I’m a little ray of sunshine in your cold, dark life?”
“Mmm. Try again.”
“Because I’m the only person in town who’ll put up with your cranky ass?”
“That sounds more like it. Since I’m the only person crankier than you.”
“Just think about what I said, okay?” Ev asked. “If you’re really happy with Brian, fuck the haters, including me. Not sure how the hell I became a great dispenser of wisdom anyway. I’m two fruits shy of a salad over here.”
“And Silas doesn’t seem to mind.”
“No,” Ev said warmly. “In fact, I think he kinda likes it. Which isproofthat there’s someone out there for everyone. Sometimes multiple someones.”
And sometimes not.
“Stay safe, okay? During the storm. Don’t let the fumes get to you.”
“I won’t. And you be safe too, Jamie. Safe, but… not too safe.”
Whatever the fuckthatmeant.
