“That I didnotknow,” Jamie said, all humor gone from his voice. “I’msorry.”
I waved a hand at this and Jamie chuckledsoftly.
“Yeah, I know. Feels like one of those meaningless things you hear over and over. The words don't take away any of what you’re feeling. But it’s still true, and now I get why people sayit.”
“Because it’s a socially acceptableplatitude?”
“Because it meansconnection. Losing people, it’s like the great equalizer.” He folded his arms over his chest and looked up at the sky. “You, me, Si. Hell, even Henry. He lost the love of his life when your grandmotherdied.”
I turned my head to peer at him. Selfishly enough, I’d never consideredthat.
“Saying you’re sorry is like shorthand,” he mused. “Like saying, ‘I’ve been there too, and I know it sucks, but you’re not the only person who’s been in this awful place. You’re not alone.’” He turned his head, and I could just make out the curve of his smile in the light. “So, when I say I’m sorry about your husband, Ev, that's what I'msaying.”
Because I was made of nothing but anger and saltwater these days, tears pricked the back of my eyes. “Thanks.” I huffed out something that was half-chuckle and half-sob. “I’m sorry about your sister,too.”
He nodded, accepting this. “So, what happened with you andSi?”
“Not a damn thing.” Not a damn thing I wanted to discuss,anyway.
“You don’t wanna talk aboutit?”
“Not even alittle.”
“Fine.” He grinned. “Just, if therewasanything that happened, maybe you could try to be patient with Si? After Matty died, he kinda dived into being Officer Sloane — calm, competent, Mr. No-Emotions, No-Drama. And any time he feels threatened, he reacts by retreating into that persona even more. The more emotion he feels, the less heshows.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, that’s not the issue here.” Si was showing plenty of emotion. “But you’re a pretty smart guy, Jamie. Thankyou.”
“Oh, fuck yeah. I’m, like, the Socrates of O’Leary.” He chuckled. “Except, you know, when I get drunk off my ass and humiliate myself in front of my former best friend at his bar on theregular.”
“What’s that about?” Idemanded.
“Eh. That’s a story for another day.” Jamie sighed. “You should come to the memorial for Matty and Molly, whatever Carolyn ends up doing. I’d like you to be there. As afriend.”
“I’ll think about it.” But I already knew I would never intrude on something likethat.
“Ready to go backinside?”
I let my head fall back against the cold wall. “Do we haveto?”
“Depends. How many pumpkin portraits would you like them to sign you up to paint while you’re outhere?”
I groaned and pushed off the wall. “Fine, let’sgo.”
“Want me to put my arm around you and make Sijealous?”
I laughed out loud. It was cleansing. “You are barking up the wrong tree,friend. I’ve got a little too much baggage for Si. And I…” I took a deep breath. “Adrian’s death hit me hard. I’m not out looking for a relationship rightnow.”
“I get it. Probably not good for me to antagonize the police officer when I’m on the fast track to being a habitual offender, anyway.” He dipped his hands in his pockets and stood aside so I could walk in beforehim.
“You know, if you want to talk aboutthat…”
Jamie shook his head and repeated my words from earlier. “Not even alittle.”
I snickered as I followed him into therestaurant.
Si was deep in conversation with his mom when we went back inside, and yes, I noticed. But I noticed the way his eyes cut to me, and then toJamie.
Silas didn'twantme, but he was attracted enough to care that maybe Jamie and I had been getting friendly in the alley. Figured. But I felt calmer after talking to Jamie; more centered, lessangry
