I lookedaway.
“It’s fine. I’ll take her outside.” Daniel seemed relieved togo.
“I’ll go with you,” Julian said, and he didn’t seem reluctant either. Wasn’tthatinteresting?
Oh, my God,I thought, recognizing that I was speculating about two perfectly innocent people.I’ve become an O’Learian. Iamtheproblem.
“So, Silas, I was telling Everett about the memorial service,” Carolyn said into the silence after Julian and Daniel departed. "I invited him tocome."
Si stiffened like he’d been struck, andwow, that was my cue toleave.
I coughed. “Jamie? Could we get that drink?” I motioned toward my throat and gasped, “Parched.”
“Sure,” Jamie said easily enough, putting a hand on my back. “Come thisway.”
He led me through the busy kitchen, where he got me a can of soda, then out the back door into the cold night. The air smelled like wood smoke and it was dark enough that I could see the stars, the only light coming from the door Jamie had left proppedopen.
He leaned against the building and watched medrink.
“Better?” he asked,concerned.
"Yeah.Thanks."
He nodded, then tilted his head speculatively. “So… you and Si,huh?”
I clutched the can more tightly in my hand. “Pardon?”
He raised an eyebrow andgrinned.
“The gossip in this place is unreal,” I said, shaking my head. “There’s nome and Si.We literally said two words to each other in there.” Si had said one word, if you wanted to be technical, and I hadn’t saidany.
“Uh, Everett? I realize that we just met, okay? But I’m gonna say this as your very newest, very best friend: you didn’t see the look Si gave me when I put my hand on your back.” Jamie laughed like this was hilarious. “Good thing my red hair makes me impervious toflame.”
“Bullshit.”
“Nope. I’m gay. Si knows it, and I was going to ask you out earlier, which I’m guessing he realized anddid notlike.”
“You’re imagining things. Seeing what you want to see. You know,” I said, stepping further into the alley as I warmed up to my rant, “confirmation bias is a fucking epidemic in this town. You all make assumptions about people and events based on…I don’t even know what. Some shit that happened a decade ago? A pie recipe that got stolen? The way your kid’s birth announcement is gonna be listed in the newspaper? The fact that two people have never been together, so obviously they neverwillbe together? You assume that things are always going to be the way they are because that’s the way they’ve always been, but people change. They grow and they love and they grieve and they… they heal.” I swallowed. “Some peopledo.”
Jamie blinked. “Of course they do,Ev.”
I stabbed a finger towards him. “You should evaluate things based on facts, not… history andassumption.”
“You’re not wrong,” he agreedeasily.
I inhaled, realizing how ridiculous I must have sounded. “I’m not insane,either.”
“Should I evaluate that based on facts, or history and assumption?” heteased.
I glared at him as best I could through the darkness, and he laughed. “Nah, I’m kidding. I know you’renot.”
I leaned on the building next to Jamie. It was companionable. Not remotely as nice as being with Si, though, which reallysucked.
And as I stared up at the sky, I realized I couldn’t really blame Si for saying the things he’d said. It was no more or less than the truth, as much as it hurt. Two weeks of total avoidance, followed by a round of messy, unscripted, unprotected, slightly hysterical oral sex, capped off with a bout of inexplicable tears, wasn't really the best way to make a goodimpression.
I was a giant human wrecking ball, swinging from hot to cold and back again. I wouldn’t volunteer to take on this level of crazy, either, especially if I were a hot, single, commitment-cautious guy likeSilas.
“My husband died sixteen months ago. His name was Adrian,” I found myselfsaying.
