Bas couldn’t remember ever seeing Drew so frantic, so rattled, and for that reason, Bas didn’t grab him and force them to talk this through. It’d be uselesstonight.
“I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” Drew said. He grabbed his phone from the couch, giving Bas a wide berth, as though he was a particularly unpredictable form of wildlife. “G-goodnight.”
Bas followed him to the door, and after Drew let himself out, Bas let his forehead fall against the closed door with a dullthunk. His heart was still racing in his chest, and his lips missed the pressure ofDrew’s.
Fuck.
He’d just rubbed off on his best friend. And it was messed up just how natural it all seemed. The mystery, really, was how he’d been around Drew for years - seen the lean strength of his body and the sexy tilt of his lips, felt the fiery thrill of his attention - without wanting to kiss himsenseless.
Of course, part of the reason might have been his confidence that he wasstraight.
He let his head fall against the door again, harder this time, as doubts surged into his mind like huntingdogs.
It wasn’t like Bas hadn’t considered the question of his sexuality, for God’s sake. His best friend was gay. His little brother was gay. It would’ve been strange if Bashadn’ttried getting himself off to gay porn once or twice. And he could say with conviction that the stuff wasn’tbad, it just had never done it for him the way straight porn did. Helikedbreasts, helikedpussy, and he sure as hell hadn’t been deluding himself about that all these years. So what the fuck was he doing with Drew? A man didn’t suddenly become gay after thirty years… didhe?
Maybe Drew wasright.
Bas turned himself around and leaned his back against the door, wishing he had someone he could talk to about this shit, but sadly the person he’d call - the one person he knew would always answer and would always talk sense to him - had just walkedout.
He went into his bedroom and cleaned himself with a damp towel, shaking his head at his messy pajama pants as he threw them in the hamper and put on a clean pair.So suave, Seaver.Then he wandered back to the living room, picked up the empty beer bottles, and took them to the kitchen, rinsing them mechanically, his mind still onDrew.
His gaze caught on a large, framed collage mounted on the kitchen wall - a trio of Seaver family Christmas cards, mounted chronologically from top to bottom, from the years Bas had turned five, fifteen, and twenty-five. A familiar pang of grief twisted his stomach at the sight of his parents. They looked so damn young and happy in the first picture - his mother’s hair long and shiny, his father’s face grinning enthusiastically. By the last picture, both of them looked so much older, and Bas could see the lines that stress and worry had carved into his father’s forehead. He wondered what changes another ten years would havebrought.
But there wouldn’t be another family picture coming. No commemoration of Sebastian’s thirtieth Christmas this year, no pictures with Cort in the family, no grandkids. SILA and Alexei Stornovich had seen tothat.
He ran a finger along the edge of the frame, tracing his mother’s smiling face as he remembered one of the last conversations he’d had withher.
Sebastian! I can’t believe you asked her! I worried you’d never make time to step away from your work and find someone to love. And you do love her, don’t you,Sebastian?
I… I mean, yes. Of course! We’ve known each otherforever.
Hmm. I worry about you boys. Sometimes you don’t see the forest for the trees until it’s toolate.
But this time I’ve done youproud.
You always make me proud, Bas.Always.
Bas’s chest gottight.
Alexei Stornovich was still out there, guilty as fuck and biding his time, and Bashad a job to do. If Drew wanted him to back off, Bas would attempt to do just that… at least until they’d brought SILA down forgood.
