Heather gulped out a rasping laugh.“You’re a tough one.”
“So?”
“So, I’m going to talk to Jesse. And I’ll see what I can do to help legally. I can’t let Blake be sent to foster care in a group home. I can’t. I wanted to give him the best life…not this. And I want to get to know him.”
“You’re going to have to take it slow with Blake.”She patted Heather’s arm.“And with Jesse? There’s a chance he won’t forgive you. Not something this big. You have to be prepared for that.”
“I know.”Heather scooped up a handful of sand and let it sift out between her fingers.“But I’m going to try to make it up to everyone.”She stared down at her fingers and the sand slipping through them.“Not that I really ever can…I feel like such a fraud. Such a failure.”
The tortured pain in Heather’s voice tore at Olivia’s heart. But there wasn’t much she could do to help Heather now. She was going to have to figure this out for herself.
Heather stood out on the balcony of her condo, staring mindlessly out over the bay. She barely noticed the sky putting on a spectacular display of moonlight and star shine. It did nothing to soothe her. Nothing.
She paced from one end of the balcony to the other. Restless. Hurting. Confused.
How could something she did that she thought wasso right—all those years ago—turn out so badly?
She had to stop herself from going over to Jesse’s tonight. She wanted to see Blake again. Ask him questions. Hear about his life. Touch his hand again. She remembered the last time she’d touched his hand before he’d been taken away. He’d been so small, and he’d curled his tiny fingers around one of hers. The memory was seared into her brain, into her very being.
Tears began to roll down her cheeks again. Tears. She didn’t cry. It just wasn’t something she did. Not even the day she’d handed Blake over to his new mother.
All the pain of that day swept over her like a rogue wave. Blake’s adopted parents had seemed perfect. They were so in love and had tried for years to have a child of their own. Someone she’d worked with knew them, and when Heather had finally confided she was thinking of giving the baby up for adoption, she’d been put in contact with them.
Had they been kind to Blake? Been good parents? Had he had a good life up until he’d lost his mom? All these questions. What was his favorite subject in school? Did he play sports? What foods did he like? Music? Books?
A knock at the door drew her attention, and she headed through the condo to answer it, swiping away tears as she walked.
“Mom.”
Her mother took one look at her and gathered her into her arms.“Oh, Heather.”
She clung to her mother, wondering when the last time was that they’d hugged like this.
Had they ever?
Her mother finally stepped back and reached over and brushed her hair away from her face.“I heard from Livy. I hope that’s okay she told me. She was so upset when she came to the cafe. Sad, too.”
“Oh, Mom. It’s all such a mess. Jesse is so mad, and I don’t blame him.”
“Come on. Let me make us tea. You sit.”Her mother led them into the kitchen and put on the teakettle. She bustled around making the tea, then sat down beside her at the small cafe table.
“Okay, now talk to me. So, you had a child.”
“I did. Sixteen years ago.”
Her mother sighed.“So you were only about nineteen? So young. And…well, I remember how things were then. Really bad between you and your father. You’d moved out and lived far away.”
“I didn’t think I could be a good mother.”
Sadness hovered in her mother’s eyes.“Because I was never a good mother.”
“Mom, don’t say that.”
“But I wasn’t. I should have stood up to your father more. He was…horrible to you.”
“But it was always easier to just take what he said and did instead of standing up to him. It just made things worse.”
“That’s no excuse. I should have done better. I’m the mother. I have so many regrets.”Her mother’s eyes filled with pain.“I’m sorry I wasn’t a better mother to you.”
