I didn’t even realize I’ve been MIA for almost two hours. Was I really this lost in my thoughts? I hesitate before typing a reply.
Jared:yeah, just a lot on my mind. I’ll be fine.
It’s vague, but I can’t bring myself to say more.
Not yet.
I drop my phone back in my pocket and run my hands through my hair. Alli’s been there for me through a lot, but I don’t know how to explain this without it feeling like I’m dumping more baggage on her. She deserves better than that… but better might as well be me being truthful instead of pretending to be fine when I’m clearly not.
I sit there for a while longer, the cold seeping through my jacket, but I barely feel it. Eventually, I get up and start drifting around campus again, my thoughts chasing each other in circles.
By the time I reach my dorm, I’m exhausted. I drop my backpack on the floor and collapse onto my bed, staring at the ceiling.
What if this time is different? What if she really is trying?
My phone buzzes again, and this time, I don’t even bother checking. I can’t deal with anyone right now. Not Alli, not my mom. Not anyone.
Rolling onto my side, I pull the blanket over my head, trying to block out the world. But even in the silence, the question remains imprinted like a tattoo.
Can we talk?
I haven’t talked to anyone about this, not even Alli, despite her knowing something’s off. Every time we text, I keep it short, making excuses about being busy, tired, or “stressed with school.” Neither Tyler, though he’s tried to get me to open up. He sees right through me, but I always deflect when he asks if I’m okay. Saying it out loud would make it real. And I’m not ready for that.
A few days later, I’m studying at my apartment for Cell Biology until I hear a knock on my door.
Alli stands there, arms crossed, her expression brewing with worry and frustration.
“Hey,” she whispers, stepping inside with a tentative glance around. She sets her bag down and searches my face. “Are you feeling okay?”
“I’m fine,” I mumble, taking a step back and looking anywhere but at her. It’s easier this way, keeping my distance, shrugging it off.
Alli watches me closely, her brows furrowed. Without a word, she places the back of her hand against my forehead, her touch surprisingly gentle. A wave of guilt washes over me as her expression shifts.
“You’re warm. You’re lying,” she says, her voice calm but unwavering, like she already knows the truth.
“Just tired,” I force a weak smile.
She studies me, piecing together what I’m not saying. “Okay, Jared. What’s going on? Don’t tell me it’s school. We both know that’s not it.”
I rub the back of my neck, my gaze dropping to the floor as I try to find the right words. “It’s complicated.”
Alli lets out a slow breath. “Everything is complicated, but if you keep shutting me out, what are we doing here?”
“It’s not that simple, Alli.”
“Then make it simple. You’ve been blowing me off with excuses. I’ve been giving you the benefit of the doubt, thinking the pressure of football and classes was getting to you. I’m trying to be understanding here.” She steps forward, and her eyes stay locked on mine. “Tell me what’s going on.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair, frustration settling in my chest. My hands fall to my sides, and I lean back slightly, not able to meet her eyes. “It’s not easy for me.”
“It’s about your mom, isn’t it?”
“I wish it wasn’t.”
She steps closer, resting a hand on my chest. That touch—it makes everything I’ve buried rise to the surface. “What happened?”
“She wants to see me.” I say, clearing my throat to hold back sobs.
“And you’re not happy about that?”
