I’m in my own world until Tyler sees me across the room. A wave of relief filters through my body, calming my nerves andtemporarilyeasing my thoughts. I take a long sip. I fill up my cup with more liquor or whatever’s laid out in the kitchen.
Tyler’s concerned gaze meets mine, and for a fleeting moment, I wish I could let him in on the turmoil inside me. But for some reason, I can’t. Part of me is worried that he’ll run if I start trauma dumping my problems onto him again. But I also know based on previous therapy, I need to let out my feelings before it consumes me. Instead, I force a smile, hoping he can’t see through the façade I’m desperately trying to maintain.
The party continues to pulse around me, but I couldn’t ignore the strange undercurrent threading through the air. Phones are beeping left and right, whispers spread through the crowd like wildfire.
I’m standing next to Priya who already has her phone out. “Ser…” she says with an alarming voice.
“I’m going to fucking kill her,” Alli says across from me. She dashes through the crowd with Jared following behind her.
“Serena.”
I snatch the cup from Grant’s hands and gulp down its contents, not caring what it is. The liquid, a deep shade of brown, searing down my throat. I hear Grant and Priya urging me to stop but I can’t. My demons are out to get me for some goddamn reason.
Alli’s voice is the only one who cuts through once she returns. “Here, drink this,” she replaces the cup with water. “You’re done, I’m cutting you off.”
“But–”
“Serena, stop drinking your emotions away.”
“You’re drinking again?” Tyler’s voice sounds concerned rather than scolding. “You said you were stopping earlier.”
“I need to not feel anything,” I mutter, reaching for the cup again, but the effects of the alcohol coursing through me disrupts my balance. A familiar pair of arms catch me before I could fall to the ground and keep me upright.
“Hey, hey, you’re okay, you’re with me,” Tyler says. His protective tone tugs at my heartstrings, but in my drunken state, I can’t dwell on it.
“I’m taking you home,” Alli assures.
“You’re homecoming queen, you should stay. We can stay.” I insist.
“Serena, we’re not staying here with these whack ass people. We’re leaving.”
“But–”
Tyler envelopes me into his arms, “I’m taking you home.”
He guides me out of the party after he says goodbye to my friends. The loud thumping music fades out into the distance as we emerge out of Beckham’s house. The cool air hits me like a bucket of cold water which shocks me out of my drunken state. The chaotic energy from the party dwindles out of us, leaving the commotion behind us.
“Let me help you to the car.” Tyler tries to wrap another arm around me, but I reel back from his embrace, even though it’s the only thing I want right now. I just don’t let myself have it.
“Don’t,” I say, probably too harshly, but I blame the alcohol.
The walk to his car is long and a blur, honestly. The rows of parked cars stretch endlessly along the street, the dim streetlights casting a golden glow on the quiet neighborhood.
“Serena, what’s going on?” Tyler’s voice breaks through the silence.
“Nothing,” I say, feeling exhausted, vulnerable, broken maybe.
“Nothing? Why won’t you open up to me?” his frustration hangs in the air like a heavy fog.
“You want me to open up? You want me to pour my heart out on the table for you? Fine.” The burning ache of alcohol takes its toll on me mentally. I don’t even care if this breaks me. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself, but the words tumble out like vomit. “My mom left me, no, she walked out on me, and of–fucking–course, the world thought it would be hilarious for me to run into her tonight. Not to mention she has another kid. I have a sister. She left me high and dry, and I always assumed she never wanted children. But she had another one. I wonder if that child is more than good enough compared to younger me...”
I continue, “My dad is–was–my rock. He tried, he did everything a mom should have done for me. Then he fucking died because of some idiot who drank and decided it would be a great idea to drive. Because of that stupid, selfish act, I lost the most important person in the world.” My voice trails off, the weight of those memories heavy in my mind.
“The universe has it out for me. I’m the poster child of a broken person, think about it.” I unload.
“You are not broken!” Tyler’s voice is firm, his eyes on the verge of shedding tears.
I ignore him and continue babbling on, “You want to know the best part of the night?” I pause for some goddamn reason like the answer is sitting in his back pocket. “Emilie, Beckham’s date? She hated my guts back in All-Stars. Bullied me right off theteam. I practically begged to be homeschooled because of her fault.”
