“I don’t know.” I put on a new coat of mad. “You should fly over.”
“I’m not flying to France.”
“He should mean more to you than that, Alex. I—”What would I do?That moment surprised me. What would I do for the professor? Almost anything . . .
“Sam, stop. This has happened before. Pops is fine, and I’m not going to insult him by acting like it’s worse than it is. He wouldn’t want that.”
“ ‘I beg your pardon. Excuse my interference. It was kindly meant.’ ” I cringed.
“Caroline Bingley? Really?” Alex paused. “You think I insulted you? Is that it?”
“It’s nothing.”
“I didn’t.” Alex’s voice got gentle, and that upset me even more. “Is that what you do when—”
“I’m hanging up.” I felt so embarrassed and exposed.
“Sam, don’t—” I didn’t hear another word. I can’t believe I did that to Alex. What must he think of me?
I need to finish the dishes,
Sam
Later . . .
I won’t be able to sleep until I update you.
As I finished the dishes, I sobbed. I can’t explain why. I’ve known the Muirs a shorter time than some of my shortest foster placements.
But they could slip away. The professor could die. I could die. Everything changes, you know. Each and every moment things change. I was beginning to think that change could be good, but I was wrong. I know I’m twenty-four and I don’t need a mom and a dad, but I wanted them. That’s a lie too—I need them. I hoped the Muirs could be mine and nothing would take them away from me. And the heart attack brokemyheart.
Then the doorbell rang. I scrubbed my eyes with a dish towel as I raced to answer it. Alex was the last person I expected to find.
“What are you doing here?” So much for making a good impression—ever.
“I thought you could use a hug.” Alex stepped into the doorway and held me for the longest time. It wasn’t romantic. It was strong and comforting and exactly what I needed. I held him tight around his waist, sniffed into his shirt, and rested.
When I started breathing normally, he stepped back. There was a very embarrassing wet mark on his shoulder, but he kindly didn’t note it.
“I’m so sorry.” I started swiping at it with my dish towel. “I was so rude to you.”
“It’s okay. It was a shock. And I’m sorry if I appeared blasé. I’m not, you know. I love Pops very much.”
“I know you do. You’re not blasé about anything that I can tell.”
“ ‘Accept my thanks for the compliment.’ ”
“No Lizzy. I can’t believe I did that to you.” I almost started to cry again, for completely different reasons.
Alex smiled and held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “No more quotations.” He tilted his head out the open front door. “It’s a gorgeous night, Sam. Let’s take a walk.”
We walked to the lake and then stopped at Homer’s for ice cream on the way back. I was so tired from the stress and sobbing that I don’t think I was good company, but Alex didn’t seem to mind. He told me more about his relationship with the professor.
“We’d go down to the Boys and Girls Club every Saturday and play basketball and stuff. Pops would sit on the side and read to anyone who’d listen. I played ball.”
“On Saturday mornings? Not what I’d expect.”
Alex laughed. “I know. Pops made me do it. I was so angry when I got to NU. It was me against the world. Pops was trying to show me it wasn’t, and that I wasn’t alone feeling that way.”
