His eyes widen in a way that says,“Oh, shit, I’ve been discovered. How on earth did you ever guess?”His mouth gapes open like a baby bird waiting for a juicy worm from his mother.
Ugh, his mother. She’s another reason I’ll be so happy to end this relationship. I’ve never met a more self-centered person. Err, well, Reg might be in close competition. I learned quitea while ago that his outgoing personality masks a wealth of insecurities and emotional deficiencies.
Grow up? I’m not sure he ever will. His mom certainly hasn’t, and if he’s taking his cues from her, I’m not holding my damn breath.
She’s the only human being on this planet who would cry over someone else getting a cold and looking like hell because it’s just “all so terribly awful.” Typically, other women are more understanding about the time of the month issues, but leave it to Candice to actually ask me, not once, not twice, butseven times, if I needed advice about waist trainers because I was looking bloated. She’s spent the entire time I’ve known her dropping hints about plastic surgeons. Literally. After the first time Reg took me to her house for dinner, I found a brochure in my purse with rhinoplasty options circled in red. Several. Aggressive. Circles.
“Well, thank god I don’t have to get tested.”
His face is doing that face thing again. His hands go from pulsing in some weird strobe mode to full-on flappy chicken arms.
“Are you kidding me?” Normally, I’d moderate the decibel level of my screech, but fuck that. “How many times?”
“I…it might have been err…well…from the start?”
I blink. “What?!” I stomp toward him like a fire-breathing dragon, only that it’s a shitty apartment I’m defending and not a pile of gold. Never mind. This is totally an issue of honor. That’s what I’m fire-breathing about. “Youwhat?!”
Reg whips his phone out of the back pocket of his baggy jeans. The ping as he starts recording a video is loud in the sudden silence. “I’m recording.” Captain Fucking Obvious over here. “Chill, Malfie. If you attack me, therewillbe evidence. I’ll press charges.”
“Mmm.” Rich. What did I expect when I dated a thoroughly self-absorbed content creator?
“I…I have something else I have to tell you.”
“Fascinating.” I hold out my nails for inspection like all my fucks have been used up, but now I’m just bored. Honestly, most of them have been used up.
Except for this one. This one is of the last shredded nerve variety.
All this time. All this time, he’s been double dipping. You’d be lucky if it were double,my brain tells me.Triple? How many? How many and how many times and—
I can’t go there. Meltdowns are for later. Right now, I have to hold it together. He wants to record this? I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of me pulling out a full Karen on his ass. I can act when I have to. I’m probably shit at it in reality, but I can control myself, and control myself, I freaking will.
“I wasn’t at a work thing this weekend.”
“That’s not news, Reg. You just told me that. You were banging some chick who wasn’t your girlfriend. Congrats on being a total manwhore. I expect you’ll have your things moved out in the next few hours. Please and thank you.”
The phone wobbles in his hand so violently that there’s no way the video is going to come out as anything but a blur. “I went to this underground fight thing. There might have been some gambling, and I might have made some bets I couldn’t cover. I…I’m sorry, but I withdrew some money from your account. Transferred it, I mean. I might have borrowed a little bit from your parents and your grandma too.”
My jaw unhinges painfully. I’m so floored that I’m giving the carpet a run for its money. I was wrong about the meltdown happening later. It’s coming out now. Full stop. Ten seconds, and I’m going to go full werewolf on this guy’s irresponsible ass.
I lunge for his phone and grab it from his hands. His palms are so slick that it practically slides right out like it’s been greased. I hold it up, pointing it right at him.
“My what? My…my parents? My grandma? How the…what…how did you do that? What are you even talking about? Go on. Tell me. Tell this video here how you committed a crime.”
I force myself to calm down. Hehasto bejoking. There’s no way he can get money out of my account or anyone else’s accounts. Not without being some kind of hacker or…
Oh. My. Fucking. God.
Not without knowing my bank info.
Hedoesn’t. Hecan’t. I’ve never shared that with him. I change my passwords regularly, and so do my parents. This has to be for his video. Maybe everything he’s saying is false, and he’s just trying to get a reaction on film. I wouldn’t put it past him. Most videos are faked, but Reg takes the shallow, farcical content to an entirely new level.
But then, why isn’t he moving to snatch his phone back from me? Why is he shaking like a wet, giant, boneless noodle?
“The money I took wasn’t enough to cover even half of what I owed. I told those guys that you were rich. They let me go, but they’ll be coming for you.”
I can’t even speak. He can’t be serious. This can’t be a thing.
I keep waiting for the smile and the gotcha foot to drop.
