Ba-bum.
Your baby.
Ba-bum.
Heartbeat.
Ba-bum.
Mama. Mama. Mama.
“Here you go.”
The nurse’s words cut into my racing thoughts, and she hands me a tissue. I didn’t even realize I had tears streaming down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Don’t be,” the doctor shakes her head with a smile and shuts off the machine before turning the lights on. “It’s a very normal reaction. You’re having a baby. Life is about to turn upside down.”
With that, I break into tears. Full, sobbing tears.
“Oh honey,” she sits next to me. “I know it’s overwhelming. But you are healthy and strong and it’s going to be wonderful. If you want we can set up your appointments for checkups. We will talk about diet and hormones and exercise and birth plans.”
“Birth plans?” I ask. It’s a lot. Too much.
“Of course! Natural versus c-section. Water births. Home births. So many options. And of course, who you want in the room. Speaking of that, does the father know?”
I stop, swallowing the lump of bile in my throat. “No. Not yet. Soon.”
She smiles and rubs my shoulder. “The sooner the better. Especially if he is going to be involved. With all the technology we have, you will be able to see the gender soon.”
The gender? I haven’t even wrapped my head around the fact that I have two heart beats right now. Let alone a gender.
It’s a boy…
Something deep inside me whispers but I shake it away. What the fuck was that?
“I am going to prescribe a good prenatal vitamin as well as an iron supplement just to be safe. And I’d like to see you back in about three weeks.”
I nod and watch as the doctor leaves the room. It’s just me and the nurse now who cleans things up while I get dressed. For a moment I just sit on the bed, staring at my feet.
“It’s scary I know,” she says, and I look over at her.
“Yeah…”
“My first was…unexpected. My boyfriend and I weren’t even married yet. He didn’t even want kids.”
“What did you do?” I ask.
“I had a baby. Not much I could do.”
I bite my lip before asking the question. “Did he come around?”
“Yes. We have two more now. He built them a swing set in the back yard. Men change when they find out they’re going to be a dad. The good ones change for the better.”
“And the bad ones?” I ask.
“They don’t matter. Are you in love?”
