‘You’re not serious?’ A hand hurried to her hair to push it back. ‘After that welcome and you trying to sack me before I’d even started the job?’
‘Lily would have disowned me if I’d made you leave.’ His reply was at odds with the apology for his behaviour in his gaze, and she felt her stomach plunge at his next words. ‘I’m beginning to think you’re going to be good for us.’ His voice was low as he rushed on. ‘Good for Halesmere, as my mother said.’
‘Right.’ Ella swallowed. His eyes had told her something else, had said that he meant more than the house or perhaps even his children. She stared at her drink, not wanting to reveal she believed it too, not yet. This didn’t happen to her. She rarely revealed her heart to anyone, but she knew she didn’t regret this private, secret time with him. ‘I hope working here will be good for me too. I’m looking forward to getting started.’
Max had finished his hot chocolate and put the empty mug on the coffee table. ‘And how is the house? You’re the first person to stay in it since the renovations. Are you settling in?’
‘Of course.’
‘But?’
‘There isn’t one, I’m fine.’
‘Sure about that? I just found you on the drive in your pyjamas close to midnight. I’d hazard a guess that you were in bed and didn’t want to stay there.’ His eyes were fixed on hers and she heard the concern beneath his words. ‘What’s bothering you, Ella? Will I have to send Prim over every night to make sure you’re okay and not roaming the gardens in the dark?’
‘You’d do that?’ Of course he wouldn’t, he was being kind. Or thought she was ridiculous.
‘If I was concerned about you. Are you going to tell me?’
Ella was watching Prim. The dog let out a contented sigh as she shuffled into a comfier position. ‘I’m not a great sleeper, that’s all. I don’t really like being alone at night.’ She clarified, before he thought she was in the habit of dragging just anyone into her bed: ‘I like knowing there’s someone else in the building with me. I’ve always shared.’
She knew it was foolish, and yet not. She’d only ever confessed it to the one boyfriend with whom she’d been in love, a long time ago. When their relationship had ended and he’d told her how pathetic she was, she had never spent the whole night with anyone other than Dylan again.
‘Because you shared a room with Lauren?’ Max’s eyes were laced with sympathy. ‘And I’ve shoved you in that great big house all by yourself. I’m sorry, Ella. That’s why you were out walking late.’
‘You were being kind and I appreciate it. It’s been twenty years; it really is time I learned how to be alone.’ She offered him a tremulous smile. ‘And your mother did say something about you not letting me stay in the flat for long.’
‘She’s an interfering bloody nuisance sometimes, she really is.’ He raised a hand. ‘I know, that’s another pound for the dog shelter. And probably unfair of me, given that she moved up here from London to help us out.’
‘I wasn’t going to remind you about the swearing this time.’ Ella liked how he smiled at her gentle tease.
‘Then maybe I should make it two pounds.’
Their chocolate finished, she knew this was the moment she should leave. She couldn’t deny she was more settled and relaxed in this moment, liking the thought of Max being just across the drive from her. She knew now she could knock on his door if she needed to, could trust him not to mock or send her away. But sitting here as night inched towards day, his children sleeping upstairs, felt easy and right and she didn’t want to go. She waited for him to show her politely to the door and confirm their meeting for the morning.
And when he reached a gentle hand down to Prim and closed his eyes, Ella understood he too didn’t want her to leave. Maybe he just wanted to chat with a person who wasn’t a child or wayward parent, or a client he needed to manage. The thought both thrilled and terrified her as she stared at the hair falling to his brow, just like Arlo’s. She wanted to smooth it from Max’s face, let her hand linger on the contours of his cheek. Her heart hammering with the realisation, she clenched her fingers together.
‘What are you thinking?’
Hastily she dropped her gaze. Had he seen her staring, read the thoughts written on her face? ‘Nothing much.’
‘Right.’ He opened one eye. ‘Do you want to know what I was thinking?’
‘I don’t know. Do I?’ She tried to make it a joke.
‘I was thinking this weekend is the first time I’ve begun to see Halesmere as home. That maybe it will turn out all right for the three of us and it wasn’t a mistake, coming here.’ The seconds lengthened until both eyes were open and Ella saw his bright blue gaze was weighted with the pain of the loss he would always carry, just like her. ‘We found out Victoria had cancer when Arlo was three months old and spent the next two years trying to find ways to fight it.’
‘Max, I’m so very sorry.’ Ella’s voice was a whisper, her words almost pointless. A different story, the same ending.
‘I know. And thank you.’ He was staring straight ahead. Prim nudged his hand, as though reminding him she was still there and offering what comfort she could. ‘Victoria was a GP, and she had a good idea about it straight away.’ He swallowed. ‘It was longer before I could accept it, not that I think I ever did. We didn’t get many years or any time in remission. We had a toddler and a new baby and suddenly she was ill.I look back and it’s almost as though I’m seeing someone else’s life, because what did hospitals and scans and treatment have to do with us just wanting to be a normal family?’
He raised his shoulders, a helpless gesture, not enough to convey the hurt hovering in his eyes. ‘And now the three of us are here, supposedly finding more time together as a family. A new beginning, creating new memories while trying to hang on to some of the old ones. The happy ones, not the others.’
‘And it’s not that simple, is it?’ Ella’s parents had lived in the same house all her life and she knew she’d have to hide her reluctance if they ever wanted to sell it. Her memories of Lauren were bound up in their old home and she felt closer to her twin there than anywhere else, the too-short life they had shared. ‘Halesmere was a lot to take on, Max. I can see why your mother wanted you to have some help.’
‘And what will I do with it all, Ella?’ He shook his head wearily. ‘I thought I could practise here, throw a website together to keep the house occupied and find a use for the studios. But most days it seems enough just to feed Lily and Arlo three times, make sure they’ve done their homework and check I haven’t forgotten something crucial for a client.
‘I feel as though I’m failing them, not being the father they deserve, especially after losing their mum.’ Max let out a long breath. ‘I want them to grow up with a proper sense of my being present in their lives, not someone who works too much and roars at the dog when I’m tired. They’d wanted a puppy for ever and I can hear myself spoiling it for them when I’m frustrated with Prim.
