‘Actually, I think what I’m saying is that I’m in favour of love,’ Cassie said softly. ‘Not that Alfie is a reason to stay, but Harriet’s one of those kids that will find her way, she’s like your dad. You need to think about your life too, Pippa, and what that might look like if you left London. What you’ve got to gain, or lose.’
‘My job for a start.’
‘And I know you’ve always enjoyed it. But you’ve been there for years, maybe there’s something else out there for you too.’
‘And if there is?’ Pippa hardly dared voice it lest her thoughts should suddenly come true. She was thinking of the gallery role again, the longing to immerse herself in paintings and create her own. But was she brave enough to step aside from a steady career that had sustained her all these years? ‘What if I agree and Harriet doesn’t settle? Then her results would be up the wall and I’d never forgive myself for not seeing sense and saying no.’ Just thinking about an unhappy Harriet in Hartfell six months down the line, winter setting in and no Alfie, if they should fall out, made Pippa go cold.
‘It won’t come to that, and she could always resit. But quite honestly, she’s so determined that I can’t see her letting a thing like not studying stand in her way.’
‘How would you feel if it was Isla wanting to move right before her GCSE years?’
‘I’d be worried, for sure. But maybe I’d also be thinking why not give it a go? London’s not going anywhere if you’re both unhappy, and from where I’m standing, you both look very happy here.’ Cassie shrugged sadly. ‘Life’s so short, Pippa, we’ve both learned that the hard way. Why not take a risk now and then? You can always go back.’
‘It has crossed my mind. The idea of staying.’ Pippa had never said those words out loud before, and she was watching Cassie, testing her reaction. ‘I miss London less every day. Sometimes it hard to remember how we even lived like that, always rushing, racing ahead. It’s frantic and I can’t deny I like the pace here better.’
‘So if we take Harriet out of the equation for a minute, why would you want to stay? Have you fallen in love as well?’
‘Of course I haven’t,’ Pippa replied hotly. ‘At my age! Harriet would leave home.’
‘Oh please! You’ve literally just turned forty. You’re not even too old, in theory, to have another baby if you wanted one.’
‘I definitely don’t.’ Pippa winced at the thought. ‘We’ve got Maud and she’s quite enough to manage right now.’
‘You having another dog is literally one of the last things I would have expected, but it’s wonderful to see you with her.’ Cass slid the cream jug into the fridge. ‘Here’s the thing, though. Harriet’s super bright and she’ll ace her GCSEs wherever she is, as long as she puts in the work. The real question is, what’s at stake for both of you if you make the decision to move here? And I think that question has quite a bit to do with this house and your hot vet.’
They ate dinner outside as it was such a lovely evening. The kitchen table was useless for all of them, and Pippa hadn’t yet ventured to sit in the dining room for dinner. It was a dark room, full of heavy antique furniture with an upright piano piled high with yellowed music, and not somewhere she found cheery.
It was a lovely, merry hour and afterwards the teenagers cleared the table. She loved listening to their chatter and laughter as they washed up and Harriet brought the profiteroles outside. Whenever Pippa caught Gil’s eye, it was clear he was enjoying this family time as much as she was. Once they’d seen off all the profiteroles, Luca wanted to have a look at Gil’s plans for the practice and the three younger ones joined them. The clearing up was done, and Pippa settled in the garden with Cassie and the dogs, glasses of wine in their hands.
‘I’m sorry to miss Rory but it’s nice that he’s gone ahead with his grandparents.’ Pippa was glad to have a few minutes alone with Cassie. They were so few, in between their work commitments and children, and they didn’t often catch up by themselves.
‘Yeah, they promised him a fishing trip and the lure of that without his sister tagging along and moaning was enough to make up for missing out on seeing this place.’
‘How are you?’ Pippa asked softly. ‘I know we don’t speak every day but I’m always here for you. You know I’ll do anything for you all.’
‘We’re fine,’ Cassie replied determinedly, taking a mouthful of the excellent red wine that Gil had brought back. ‘Really, we are. We’re doing okay.’
Maud was toddling around the garden with an important air, investigating borders. Every so often she’d look back, as though making sure that Pippa was still in sight. She turned and touched a hand to Cassie’s arm. ‘You can tell me it’s absolutely shit if you want.’
‘It’s absolutely shit.’ Cassie gulped and Pippa gripped her fingers. ‘There are so many things Ewan’s missing, so many things I want to tell him. And that’s before I even get to how it still feels to wake up without him every morning.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Pippa felt the crack in her own heart at Cassie’s anguish, wishing she could make it go away. It made her new happiness with Gil both extra precious and not something she wanted to dwell on with her friend. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘We are fine, honestly.’ Cass sniffed and blew her nose, and Pippa eased away. ‘It just gets to me sometimes. Like now, when Ewan would love to be here and seeing you guys and the house, meeting Gil and Luca. Then there’s the weird days when I’m so busy I almost forget to miss him and then it hits me all over again. The counselling is helping all of us, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to seeing Ewan’s smile in Rory’s and knowing how much it hurts him not to have his dad around. Isla misses him like crazy too, but they were so different, and she’s always been more like me.
‘Little things help, like being with you and knowing you understand us. Sunshine, and listening to the girls nattering like nothing’s ever changed. Moments matter more now, life somehow gets smaller and bigger all at once. And Raf’s been a sweetheart. We see him every week whenever he’s in town and he’s invited us out to Australia in half term, for the end of the tour.’
‘Oh Cass, that’s wonderful.’ Pippa felt a rush of love for her brother. ‘Are you going? Can you get the time off work?’
‘Should be fine but I’ll need to sneak the kids out of school for a few extra days. And just this once I don’t care, they’d absolutely love it and I think it will do all of us the world of good. You know what it’s like, I’m always checking in, but I can’t deny the thought of a getaway from everything is very appealing.’
‘You should definitely go if you possibly can.’ Pippa was leaning forward to push home her point. ‘Why not? Vanessa’s out there with Phoebe and Freddie, and Raf will make sure you’re all looked after brilliantly. And if you should bump into Dave, please make sure you say hi from me.’
‘You and Dave Grohl.’ Cassie rolled her eyes. ‘I thought you might be over him now, especially seeing as you’re making out with Gil.’
‘Over Dave? Never.’
‘So what are you planning to do about him? Gil, not Dave.’
