I had all these ideas about telling him how I felt. I was in his bathroom, working up the courage. Even though it had been a couple of weeks since I saw him, it was like no time had passed. The color in my life that disappeared when he ended things came flooding back. I was ready to confess everything, but as I walked down his hall, I overheard him and his sister talking. Hewas leaving sooner than expected and seemed aggravated. He said something about bad timing, and not wanting to deal with shit and it was clearIwas the shit he was talking about.
Mortified, I got out of there as fast as I could. Everyone else’s life is moving forward, and I’m stagnant, spinning around without a clue. Penn is going on tour. Ellie’s working with the band, and there’s even talk of them hiring her if the tour goes well. What am I doing? I’ve been lying in bed, depressed, eating my weight in Pringles.
When I told Ellie I couldn’t afford to stay here after graduation, she started crying, then immediately jumped into action, searching for a solution.
She found one, too, somehow convincing her parents to pay the rent in full for the rest of the year, giving us time to figure out our next steps. Ellie’s parents are incredibly supportive, and money isn’t an issue for them, but it doesn’t feel right. Taking their money is worse than my own parents supporting me, and I tried to refuse, but Ellie only cried harder. She begged me not to leave, saying she couldn’t live alone because she feared she’d start collecting cats. Eventually, I caved and set up a payment arrangement with her parents to pay them back slowly.
I made a résumé, and it’s ready to send out, but it’s weak at best. The only thing on it besides my degree is the summers I spent working at the club, and I wouldn’t put it past my mother to sabotage me if someone called there.
It’s officiallymy last trip around campus, and I don’t feel half bad. I plan to soak up every bit of the place I’ve called home for the last four years. I walk slower as I round the towering buildings, drinking in the architecture and the trees that are lush and green again after a long winter.
Once I shove through the heavy doors after class, I’m smiling. I did it, and with almost no regrets.
I’ve had to fight the urge to text Penn and tell him my news. Part of me wonders what he’d say. I know he’ll be happy I’m choosing me, but I wanted to choose him, too. He’s got so much going on, more important things, and we haven’t talked since I left his apartment.
According to their website, they’ll be heading to Pittsburgh any day. I invited him to my graduation months ago and set up his ticket to be automatically emailed, but that was before.
I’m happy for him. I know they’re going to kill it out there. Ellie and I have even talked about trying to make it to a couple of shows this summer. I’m so damn proud of him. I hope he knows that.
48
PENN
“Everyone all set?”Tanner asks for the millionth time, and we all nodagain.
“Yes,” Travis groans. “We got it, Mom. We’re not fucking children.”
Tanner gives him a look, and Travis flips him off.
“We’ll share driving duties. We can draw straws for order, but I’ll go first. We need to hit the road by six a.m.”
“Count me out. I’m going to meet you guys there.” I probably should’ve told them this sooner, but it wouldn’t have mattered.
They all turn toward me, looking confused as shit.
“What do you mean?” Tanner asks, the stress clear in his voice. “Are you fucking joking? That’s not funny, man.” He glances down at his little itinerary.
I’d laugh, but it’s smart. He’s organized and it’s why we are where we are.
“I’m not. I’ll meet you guys there on Sunday. I already booked my flight.”
Travis grins, glancing between Tanner and me. He mustlove that he’s not the one raising Tanner’s blood pressure for once. Tanner’s face is red. He doesn’t like anyone to mess with his perfectly structured plans, but the fact is, I don’tneedto be there yet. We’re going early to get a lay of the land, practice, and meet people, but we don’t have any shows for another eight days. I won’t miss anything important.
Tanner pinches the bridge of his nose, expelling a breath. “Whatever.”
There was no way—if I could help it—that I was going to miss Olivia’s college graduation. Paying for a flight instead of riding with the guys set me back a bit, but it’s worth it. I got the virtual ticket a couple of weeks ago, and even though we weren’t talking then, I still had every intention of being there for her.
Once the guys head out, Travis and I slip inside. “Beer?” he asks.
I shake my head and sit on the couch.
“So…” he starts, popping the top off his bottle.
“What?”
“Going to the graduation, huh?”
“Yup.”
