My head starts to throb, but I don’t have to sit and listen to this. I said my peace. “I have to go now. I have class.” It’s a lie, and I’m sure my mother knows it. She has my schedule memorized. She attempts to argue, but I end the call, falling back on the bed with a small smile.
But then I hop up. There’s work to do. I grab a notebook from my desk, ignoring the fancy leather-bound one I bought and the ache that hits my chest just looking at it. I didn’t even have the chance to give it to him.
I start a list of all my expenses, bringing up my banking info to see how much money I have. If I know anything about my mother, it’s that she is not messing around. She’s probably hounding my father at this very moment about stopping future transfers into my account and seeing if there are ways to disown me.
Hours pass, and I throw my pencil down in frustration, wanting to tear my hair out. I am smart. My GPA from an IvyLeague college tells me so, but right now I feel completely foolish.
Living isexpensive.
It’s not like I’ve been walking around blindly charging things to my credit cards—I’m responsible—but money has never been an issue before. And because I’ve always planned on working at the club after, I never thought it would be.
How very stupid of me.
I bang my head off my desk. I’ve sat and crunched the numbers repeatedly, and each time I do, I’m more certain there’s no way I can afford to stay here. At least not in this apartment. Even if I find a job that pays well, my share of the rent is too hefty. Ellie’s going to be so disappointed when I tell her she’ll have to find a new roommate.
The elation I was feeling after talking to my parents withers to dust. I curl up in my bed, opening the photo app on my phone. I scroll through the ones of Penn and me that I keep in a separate folder. He hates phones—well, social media—but he was always sneaking and taking pictures of me, so I started doing the same to him. Too afraid to ask him to take a selfie with me, but it’s like he could sense it. He started making it a point to take one before we fell asleep every night.
I bite my lip so hard I taste blood as I swipe through photo after photo of us snuggled up together. Him shirtless, his beautifully toned and inked chest glistening with sweat. My face flushed, and a sated smile on my face because he’d just dragged orgasm after orgasm out of me.
My finger hovers over the delete button, but I can’t make myself do it. I don’t want to let him go.
45
OLIVIA
“Knock, knock!”Ellie stands in my open doorway, and I wave her in from the spot on my bed where I’m doom-scrolling through Instagram. She takes a seat at my feet, smiling too big.
“Soo…” She starts.
I immediately shake my head.
“Come on, you don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“If it involves leaving this bed, it’s a no for me.”
Ever since I stood up to my parents a weight has been lifted, but another sits heavy on my chest. The high I was on after the call quickly wore off once I realized I had no real plan. How could I afford to live on my own? What would I do?
“Ugh! Come on, you can’t stay here forever. We should be celebrating!”
“I don’t feel like celebrating. I have cramps.” I lie, but she sees through it. Our cycles have been synced for years.
“Bullshit! Our period was last week. We promised we’d have no regrets. We have to get jobs soon. Don’t spend your lastbit of freedomhere.” She points to where I’m lying under a pile of blankets.
I sigh. “I already have regrets. What’s one more?”
“Liv,” she says softly. “You know I love you, and I know it’s been hard on you, but you can’t keep doing this to yourself. You haven’t left this apartment to go anywhere other than school in weeks.”
“So?” I shrug as I continue to scroll and avoid looking at her.
“If you go with me tonight, I won’t bother you ever again.”
My scrolling hand freezes. I tune out the rest of what she’s saying as the red ring around Penn’s page lights up, indicating he posted a story. He hasn’t posted a single thing, which isn’t surprising, but it didn’t stop me from constantly checking. I know—unhealthy. Whatever.
My finger tingles, wanting to tap it and see what it could be, but I know I’ll be outed if I do, and that makes me feel more pathetic. I toss the phone and glance up at Ellie, who’s staring at me with concern.
“What is it?” she asks.
“Nothing.”
