Forcing myself out of bed, I throw on leggings and a sweatshirt before class. I used to take great pride in what I wore. I enjoyed dressing up in a cute skirt with heels, but now I don’t have the desire. My poor hair hasn’t been brushed all week. I throw it up in a bun and brush my teeth. Grabbing my backpack, I head out the door when my phone starts ringing. My heart stops briefly, sadly, and pathetically, hoping it’s Penn, but it’s not. It’s my mother again.
I hit ignore. I haven’t talked to her since she planted her evil seeds in Penn’s head and made him end things between us prematurely. He said he wanted me to figure out what I wanted from my life, and he needed to focus on the tour, but I know what my mother said played a huge part in his decision. I thought we had more time. I thoughtIhad more time to figure it out, but I’ve been putting it off, and he’s right. Only I can choose.
The last classof the day drags. My stomach is in knots the whole time as I wait for it to end, knowing what I’m going to do after. I’ve never been good at confrontation. I hate it. But I’ll never truly be happy if I don’t start taking control of my life.
I drop my bag on my bedroom floor and grab my phone. I pace my room, fingernail between my teeth as the phone rings. My heartbeat picks up pace, and I take a deep breath, willing it to slow.I’ve got this.
“Hello, Livvy,” my dad answers, his voice chipper, and I almost back out. He sounds like he’s in a great mood. I don’t want to ruin it.
“Hi, Daddy,” I say. It can’t hurt to butter him up a bit first.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah! Are you busy?”
“No. I came home to have lunch with your mother.”
I wince. I can picture her listening in on our conversation with a scowl, knowing I haven’t returned a single one of her phone calls. “Oh, good. C-can you put me on speaker? I have something I want to tell you both.”
“All right,” he says, his tone switching to concerned.
I straighten my posture and lift my chin like he taught me,even though he can’t see me. “I’m not moving back after graduation. I’m not taking a job at the club.”
I’m met with utter silence for so long, I check to make sure the call didn’t disconnect.
Then my mother scoffs. “Olivia Jane, if this is about that boy, we’ve already talked about this.”
“It’s not about a boy, Mother. In fact, thanks to you, that boy no longer talks to me.”
“What’s this all about?” my father asks.
“I-I love it here.” My throat fills with emotion, but I clear it away. Emotions will get me nowhere with them. “Moving back and taking a job I don’t want is only going to make me miserable. I’m sorry.”
“This is what you’ve always wanted,” my mother says, her tone clipped. “Until that boy came around.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she’s right. Yes, I was having doubts before I met Penn, but he came along and helped me face them. He found pieces of me I didn’t know I was hiding. He encouraged me to find my voice. A voice, one I didn’t even realize was missing. He forced me out of my comfort zone, forced me to admit my desires and not just in the bedroom. I’ve never been happier. My chest tightens as the now familiar ache settles over me. I miss him so damn much.
“No. That was whatyouwanted,” I tell my mother. “Maybe I wanted it too, when I was younger, but more than that, I wanted to please you both. I never had the opportunity to explore anything else.”
My father sighs heavily, and I expect the guilt to hit me, but it doesn’t.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Livvy,” my father says. “You’re an adult, and we can’t force you to do anything, but I wish you’d reconsider.”
A loud gasp comes from my mother. “What are you saying, Paul? She must come home. This is where she belongs.”
“Elizabeth,” he says. “She’s twenty-two years old.”
I let them argue, thankful that my dad is taking this better than my mother. I can feel the weight lifting off my chest.
Then my mother speaks again, “Well, that’s it then. Consider yourself cut off, Olivia.”
Yep, expected that. “Fine.”
“I mean it! You knew the terms of your trust fund, and you’re breaching them. How are you going to pay for things?” Her voice is growing louder, shriller by the second.
“Gee, I don’t know, get a job?”
“That apartment is expensive. Do you think you can afford that on minimum wage? Where will you live? No one is going to hire you without experience.”
