Then she’s gone.
I collapse onto the couch, shaking. Ellie rushes to holds me while I cry.
43
PENN
I thoughtthings couldn’t get much worse after the girls took off and I choked Ryan to near death.
Pacey and I had to have a long talk about boundaries after that. Something we probably should have done as soon as she officially moved in. At the time, I was just so damn grateful she was here. I didn’t think about what would happen next or how I wouldn’t be able to let her out of my sight without worrying. I quickly realized that would be impossible since I was leaving next month. I thought I’d be able to let her stay here and get a fresh start, but I know I’d drive myself crazy. And I can’t be worrying about that when I’m hundreds of miles away.
My shit list was piling up, attempting to drown me, but I just needed to see Olivia so we could talk in person. I’ve been waiting impatiently all week until we both had some free time. I was fucking relieved knowing I was going to get to spend the night with her, but then I walked through her apartment door, saw her mother sitting there, and I knew everything was about to change.
I sat and listened as her mom not-so-subtly rubbedeverything in my face. She knew what she was doing. I saw the gleam in her eye as she watched me take in all the information she was dishing out. Things Olivia never told me. Whether she was going to or not, I don’t know.
Apparently, it’s been her plan all along to leave and never come back. Her future is in South Carolina, even though she made it seem like that’s the exact opposite of what she wanted. The dig about Chad was just to push the knife in deeper. For whatever reason, she didn’t tell her family they’d broken up. I’d like to think it’s because she didn’t want them in her business, and not because she was considering taking him back.
It takes a little while for me to calm down and realize I have no right to be upset. She’d told me all along she wasn’t looking for a relationship, that her future was undecided. We were passing time for her. I was the one who fucked up and caught feelings. I was the only one thinking of ways to keep us together.
I’d just be holding her back. She has a life—a nice, cushy life, somewhere else. Asking her to stay with me would be selfish, lonely even, because that’s exactly what I’d be doing. She’d be waiting here while I chased my dreams. I can’t do that to her.
I found someone I don’t want to leave behind, but for her sake, I have to let her go.
I came home and purged the only way I know how. Writing. I toss my notebook on the table after filling up two pages and crack my knuckles.
“Hey,” Pacey says, strolling into the kitchen.
“Hey.”
“How was practice?”
“Good.”
“What’s wrong?”
She can always tell.
“Nothing,” I say.
She sits down next to me, leaning in close. “I don’t buy it. What happened?”
I roll my piercing between my teeth. “Met Olivia’s mom today. Don’t think she liked me.”
She leans back and crosses her arms. “That sucks, but who cares?”
I level her with a look that says the obvious.Probably her daughter.
“Okay, well, there’s still time to turn it around. You can turn on the charm.”
“Have you met me?”
She laughs. “I’m serious. You can win her over.”
I know that’s not possible. Her mom had her mind made up before she laid eyes on me. Her daughter and I are cut from two different cloths, and I don’t fit in with her country club ideals.
Before I can argue, my phone rings. I slip it from my pocket and see Olivia’s name and face lighting up my screen. Pacey gives me an encouraging thumbs-up, and I head to my room and lie on my bed.
“Hey.”
